Somebody please suggest something to help me out with this

mlm1128

I have a good friend who was married to cousin.  They have been divorced for 4 years, but they are one of those cuples that keep trying to get back together, even though they are poison to each other. Most recently was a couple of months ago, and it didn't work as usual.  He went back to a girlfriend he had in between, it seems to be pretty serious.  Really it's as serious as it can get with him, since he is a real piece of work, but I digress. Because they have 2 kids, they will ALWAYS be a part of each others lives. 

It's become a huge family fiasco, and my cousin is definitely in the wrong regarding his handling of this.  Basically no one is talking to him, and I can't say I blame them.  But I get e-mails and calls from the ex every single day complaining about him.  He is an a-hole and does things like show up with his gf to pick the kids up with out telling anyone.  Or calling her repeatedly and telling her she is a ho when she does nothing but take care of her kids and never goes out.  Until he had this gf, he could barely be bothered to spend his parenting time with the kids. 

I can't take it anymore.  It is constant, and the same *** over and over again.  I feel really bad for her, but how long and how many tries does it take to realize it's just not working?  He is my family, but she deserves so much more than he has to offer and so do her kids.  I tell her that all the time.  She knows it.  She is just so angry that she can't let any of it go. I don't know how to help her.  She needs to move on, and I want to be there for her but I just don't know what to say anymore.

joseysbride

Find a couple of counselors and divorced parents support groups and send her the info.  Say, "I'm sorry, I really don't know what else to tell you, but I really hope you can move past this.  You deserve so much better."

mlm1128

I've tried that already.  SHe doesn't have the money for counseling.  Right now, she only has insurance on her kids and not on herself.  I think I am her counselor! 

veloelle

Find a pastor, or get her help through a church. You can't be put in the middle all the time. I know someone who still talks about her divorce from 12 years ago like it happened yesterday, and all conversations (literally, not kidding) lead to talking about said ex.

Does her company have a service to get counseling for free? I forget the 3 letter acronym (Employee Assistant Program EAP?), but most large companies allow you so many visits a year, anonymous and free.

joseysbride

Ditto the pastor or church and the programs through work.  Or even a book.  If you don't want to help her anymore, you're just going to have to tell her that.  She sounds like she just wants to sit around feeling bad about the situation rather than find a way to get past it.  She'd rather sit around and *** to you over and over again than take your advice and try to use it to better herself.  I know people like that, and I just have no patience for them. 

She must have very low self esteem if she continues to go back to this guy who treats her and her children like crap.  Maybe even suggest a book that she could read to help with that?

kelly&paul

it may sound weird but what about meetup? they have tons and tons of different groups on there for just about anything. there is probably a message board somewhere too.

 

does she have internet? I guess my suggestions wouldn't work if she doesn't .