Do you keep score?

peekaboo716

Usually, I don't, but I was feeling particularly b***y last night.

DH and I share most of the household and kid responsibilities. However, yesterday, I felt like I did SO much more. We both work FT, DH worked from home yesterday. He did two loads of laundry, but not folded (never does and I don't really want him to anyway). I picked up the kids, and took DS to his lesson. DH met us there. We got home. I cooked dinner, gave the kids a bath, dressed in PJs, brushed teeth, read some stories, tucked them in. DH was watching a baseball game. After I tucked them in, I asked DH to be on DS patrol since he's been getting out of bed a lot, so that I could do the dishes and vacuum. DH still sitting on couch, and DS is with me. Hello? DH? Put DS back into bed (3 times).

I continue to wash the dishes (by hand since the washer is broken), vacuum both levels of the house and the stairs, complete another load of laundry, and fold the two he washed earlier, and put them away. Then I took out the trash and made lunches for the kids for the next day.

I just felt like I did SO much more to contribute to the household yesterday. DH then asks me why I'm so tired. Well, could it be that I worked my a$$ off at work all day to come home to work it off some more? Come on!

Andrewsgal

We try really hard not to do this, but don't always succeed.

On days like you described I try to remember that even if I do more one day, there is another day DH does more and in the end it all works out. I have also learned that there are times when I specifically have to ask DH to do something or help me out. If I find myself hanging up clothes, and I still have a ton of things to do I will ask DH to do one of them, he is just no the type to actually see and know what need to be done. It really prevents me from being mad and stewing about it.

peekaboo716

You're right. I was jealous that I couldn't just sit down and veg out in front of the TV too.

We really try to split things as best we can. It's the only way to make things work with us both working FT. I just haven't had a frustrating day like that in a looooooong time.

katie277s

Andrewsgal:

We try really hard not to do this, but don't always succeed.

On days like you described I try to remember that even if I do more one day, there is another day DH does more and in the end it all works out. I have also learned that there are times when I specifically have to ask DH to do something or help me out. If I find myself hanging up clothes, and I still have a ton of things to do I will ask DH to do one of them, he is just no the type to actually see and know what need to be done. It really prevents me from being mad and stewing about it.

This.  We try to split what we can, but sometimes I do more and sometimes he does more.  I find that if I ask him to help, he'll do it without an issue.  He just doesn't always realize that I could use the help.  

Andrewsgal

peekaboo716:

You're right. I was jealous that I couldn't just sit down and veg out in front of the TV too.

We really try to split things as best we can. It's the only way to make things work with us both working FT. I just haven't had a frustrating day like that in a looooooong time.

oh I get that, on my worst days there are times I want to take a bat to DH's stupid bigscreen, but then how would I watch my shows:) (((HUGS))) We all have days like that. Next time tell hiim to get his stupid butt off the couch, but in a nice way of course.

ccm1203

Andrewsgal:

We try really hard not to do this, but don't always succeed.

On days like you described I try to remember that even if I do more one day, there is another day DH does more and in the end it all works out. I have also learned that there are times when I specifically have to ask DH to do something or help me out. If I find myself hanging up clothes, and I still have a ton of things to do I will ask DH to do one of them, he is just no the type to actually see and know what need to be done. It really prevents me from being mad and stewing about it.

This and also I probably would say at a commercial can you please take the garbage out (or something that can be done rather quickly).   I do however sometimes keep score, it is hard not to sometimes!

MrsStubbs

Don't even get me started. I do almost everything around our house and then I have to tell him what to do. We both work full time but, I bring the kids to work with me. He does go to work 3-4hrs before I do and we come home at the same time.

femmegem

Yes, and I hate that I do it. We actually had a very frank discussion the other day and it was the best thing we could have done. For the first time in a long time I think we both feel compassionate toward each other rather than resentful or like we each have it worse than the other. Life with an infant is always a recipe for disaster for us.

In general, though, I do know that what the PP said is true. Sometimes I do more, sometimes he does more. When it comes to cleaning I always do more, but he does more of other chores (like car stuff is all him and he typically cooks, too).

Zenya

I think everyone keeps score a bit but reading your post I am wondering if you guys just have different standards?  

I am a SAHM yet I am more like your DH (which is a bad combination, I know).  But to me if clothes are washed then it's good enough.  Folded is a bonus and put away is spectacular.  

So for them to be folded, put away and the entire house vacuumed at the end of a 2 full time working parent day is just totally OTT to me. Maybe he wanted you to watch the game with him?  I'm not being snarky I just wondering if maybe you guys could figure out some kind of work/relaxation ratio that would keep you in sync.  Because what you wrote stressed me out.  I can't imagine coming home after a long day at work and having anything other than basic keep-house-CPS-proof goals in mind.