My child spoiled ME

slwprincess

All this time, I have worried about spoiling Gavin. We don't give in to whining, tantrums, whatever. We pretty much just ignore all negative behaviors.  But apparently this has backfired a bit.  First of all, you have to understand that Gavin is generally a very easy going child.  He has his routines and likes a schedule, but he can be flexible too when we need him to.  He is also pretty independent and likes to play by himself.  This is where DH and I got spoiled.  Gavin will literally play alone quietly for HOURS.  For example, last weekend he sat in his highchair and played with playdoh for 2 full hours until I finally had to take it away and make him do something else!  He rarely asks us to actually play along with him- he's content on his own.  Sounds like a dream child, right?  But this is also a major factor in his speech delay.  According to his therapists, he has no reason to talk.  All his needs are met- he's happy and content to his own detriment.  So now we begin the painful process of retraining him (and us) that life is not always so comfortable and sometimes we have to ASK for what we want.  This means cleaning out all the toys from our living room and having him ask for what he wants- one at a time.  Feeding him small portions so that he has to ask for more.  Basically teaching him to ask ask ask and for us to not to automatically meet his needs.  This goes against my own instincts.  I am naturally a planner.  I look for the most efficient way to do everything and I am constantly making lists and thinking of how to speed up the process as I go.  Instead, the therapists want me to stop being so efficient and purposefully slow down our routines.  Ouch- that hurts!  I know this is going to be good for us all in the long run, but right now, I'm feeling overwhelmed.  Any tips?  Anyone else have a kid that is just happy to play alone?  Did this have any impact on their language? 

JoJoEspana

I think that was a big part of Caroline's speech delay as well.  We were so attuned to her needs that we would give her what she wanted before she even had to ask... or knew what she wanted.  Like she'd go stand in front of the fridge if she was thirsty, and the pantry if she was hungry.  So we went through quite a few meltdowns making her say "eat" or "milk."  She's also perfectly content to play alone, so we've had to make a big effort to engage her.  Luckily, it has kind of happened naturally - she really likes to be read to now, and when we read books we ask her to point to the "blank" and she'll point to it and say the word back. Or take a puzzle and make her put the piece in and tell us what it is.  We also walk around the house and I tell her to point to the "yellow" and have to point to yellow things, or green things, or animal pictures, etc.  She also likes to look at pictures of my family on facebook and point out her aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.

 I think it is finally clicking because we are blown away by how much she is talking now.  Its insane how much she's picked up in the past few weeks.  My best friend was over last night, and it had probably been 2 weeks since she'd seen Caroline, and she couldn't believe how much progress she's made. 

I haven't talked too terribly much about it on here, but I had been really really worried about it.  To the point of losing sleep and crying to Joey about it, etc.  So I really do know how frustrating it can be.  But it looks like you guys are on the right track with Gavin. 

KT&John

hmm..that is an interesting recommendation. I think it has some truth to it. My only brother, the youngest of the three of us, did not speak at all until nearly three. When he started talking it was in full sentences. My parents never sought speech therapy for him so we don't have a professional opinon, but we have always said he didn't have to talk because he had a mother and two older sisters doing everything for him.

Now Cadence is the kind who will play by herself for a long time but she is also a typical bossy girl and very talkative and lets you know her opinion whether you want to or not. She doesn't want a fork, she wants a spoon. She doesn't want a pink hair bow she wants a blue one and on and on.

My totally unprofessional opinion is that Gavin is going to talk eventually and doing the things your speech therapists have recommended will probably speed things up. Maybe just take the recommendations one at a time and see how they go. Good luck, Mama!

hthomas02

we've been going through the same thing with Riley.  I wasn't forcing him to talk because he mostly just screamed and I wanted him to stop screaming or not scream so I always was just on top of him to figure out what he wanted.  we did sign language with him like we did with Finn but he would just stare at us and wouldn't mimic/repeat/try.  when I talked to the pedi about the fact that he wasn't talking nearly close to the amount that Finn was talking she gave me some of those same tips, to force him to tell us what he wanted.  it was kind of painful but it helped immediately!  good luck momma!

mrsd0907

We're going through something similar with Derek. He definitely spoiled us and was/is very independent. Yesterday we met with a speech and occupational therapist as Scottish Rite and they recommended similar therapy for him so he learns to "talk" more and seek out what he wants instead of it being readily available. Good luck!