Plane ride stirred up some feelings(long)

Mrs.PsyD

Hi girls,

Well I made it home last night, yay!. However, on my connector flight from NC to OH it was really late at night, like 11pm and it wa a small 40 person plane. There were a whole crap load of toddlers and babies.

At first it was cute, I like watching them. Imagining the baby in my belly being on the outside and me as a mom, us as a family, all that stuff.

Then there are twin 2 year olds on the plane. The mom in in one row with a twin on her lap and a stranger in the aisle seat. The teenage sister is in the next row with a twin on her lap and noone next to her. Then there is a third, unrealted mom and baby behind me, with my neighbor, Mrs. M beside her (one a few flights off island each day, you always end up knowing someone.)

First the third unrelated baby (about 18mo.) Starts randomly puking his guts out and is puking all over the back of the seat, My neighbo,r etc. I feel bad for him. The flight ladies clean it up, he falls asleep, ok. But I find myself thinking, OMG if my baby puked all over a stranger I would be mortified and wouldn't know how to handle it.

Then the twin in the mom's lap start's to scream. she gives him chocolate chip cookie and coke and chewing gum (at 11pm!). he screams for 20 min bloody murder then passes out. Then twin two on the teen's lap wakes up screaming and the teen cannot console him, not even with cookie and coke (they really gave that to 2 year old in the middle of the night I try not to be judgy of moms but I couldn't help myself). He is chucking bottles at passengers, banging on the windows, and having a fulll out tantrum that lasted until we landed. I have never heard a child scream like that for so long.

The flight ladies tried to help the teen calm him, but here's the kicker, the mom, just let her teen daughter flounder and didnt get up to help her since the one twin was asleep on her lap. So the teen just failed and failed to calm him. Everyone on the plane was staring and making rude comments and it was terrible for everyone on the plane. It was both a mom's and a passenger's worst nightmare of a flight.

I was even feeling pissed at the kid and mom (not teen cause its so not her job to parent her siblings, she was like 13). Cause it really was an absurd tantrum. Maybe his ears hurt, or maybe he was so amped up on coke and cookies from before and overtired. I don't know.

I started to think that maybe I'm gonna be a terrible mom.

I literlly have no idea how I would have coped with that had it been my kid. I'd like to be self riteous and think "my kid would never act that way" but obviously since I don't even know my kid, who knows, maybe it will act that way every day. And I won't be able to calm him/her. And I'll be a terrible mom.

When we were getting our luggage, my neighbor came up and joking siad while pointing at my belly "too late to change your mind now". That comment really paniked me. What if I suck at this? What if I can't parent my kid and help it when it cries?

Is it normal to feel like you are gonna suck at parenting? Mom's with kids already, what do you do when your kid freaks out in public (or really i guess freaks out in general). I guess I mean, how do I know this won't be me in two years?

Cookies and coke for you and your babies if you read all this.

-J

Buttercup29

I think we all go through these feelings - atleast I know I have at times. I worry about being a good mom, but then I think about everyone else that has been there and done that - and got the star for being a super mom. You can't be perfect - none of us are. We are all going to make mistakes - but we will do our best - that's all any of us can do. I'm sure you'll be a great mom because you are already thinking about all these things.

katers1279

You are certainly NOT going to be a terrible mom.  This was just another instance of people not wanting to be involved in parenting.  Unfortunately, you were very exposed to it being in such a small place...and it hit home becaues you are pregnant.

We ALL have the fear that we're going to be bad parents.  That we won't know what to do when the time comes.  But, the majority of people really do learn as they go and adapt to the hard things.

Chances are, your child will have a tantrum at some point.  But, you will be INVOLVED.  You may not know what to do, but, you'll know what NOT to do from watching that family.

Hugs Julie.  You're going to be a great mom!

Buttercup29

p.s. Welcome back!

AshNicole331

I guess you just do the best you can with what you know. I think we all worry whether or not we're a good mom. You'll find that you'll do a lot of things that you used to say you'd never do, it's crazy I'm sure you're going to be a great mom!

Soph has never had a temper tantrum. She might whine for a second if I take something away from her that she can't have but she's over it in like 10 seconds. If/when it happens in public, I'm not really sure what I would do. Some of my friends with older kids have told me how embarrassing it is and that it happens at least once to everyone...even the most well behaved children.

That plane ride sounds miserable! Sounds like a bunch of overtired and cranky kids. What a mess!

funny bunny

I think there's no one out there that doesn't have these feelings at some point in their lives.

We all doubt ourselves, and we all have these thoughts.

Just keep in mind - you knew it was wrong - so you most likely won't do it

Hope you feel better about this! 

aleikela

As the mother of a child that would most likely be acting just like the kid who was throwing the temper tantrum, I too would be bribing with chocolate chip cookies no matter what the time! 

My motto is "anything goes on an airplane!"  As hard as it is to be an observer of this behavior on the plane, it is twenty times harder to be going through it, dealing with your child and both of your frustrations in such a confined, limiting space, and knowing that everyone on the plane is upset and judging you.

If I finally had Kash asleep in my lap, there is no way in he!! you could get me to interrupt that.  I too would have let the 13 year old deal with the other twin.  Otherwise, the other would have woken up and there would be two kids having a tantrum versus one! 

All that being said, you won't be a terrible mom!  You will get to know your child and their personality and act accordingly.  Then there will be those select times (one, being on a plane) where all rules go out the window and you just have to do what you need to do to get through it.  You definitely can't base parenting from what you see on a plane.  I do things there that I wouldn't normally do in my daily life.

Does that make sense?

Eleise96

I am sure we've all had those feelings, Julie!  You're going to be a great mom! 

We're flying to FL on Saturday and I am praying that Kellen doesn't scream the whole flight down.  He is normally a very happy baby, but there is always that chance...  Hmm, does bribary with cookies work on 3 month olds?  j/k! 

MissMex

 All bets are off when you are on a plane, especially with toddlers. My little sister is 6 years younger than me. I have multiple aunts with 6 or more kids. When you come from a large family or one w/ age gaps, you take care of the younger kids, thats just how it is. I don't think its bad parenting, its just part of being a family. I know its made me a better mom, because I'm so comfortable around kids. 

 I agree 100% w/ Rachel. You are going to be a wonderful mom. Yes there are going to be times when all you want to do is rip your head off or cry, but then there are all those wonderful sweet moments, that make it worth it.

sillybiochemist

Every woman that's considering having kids I think has had the "will I be a good mom" moment.  So don't beat yourself up over it.  I've caught myself a few times wanting to say this or that in a situation and realizing a) I need to keep my mouth shut b/c I'm not in their position and b)  I may not know the whole story.  I'm not convinced I agree with the coke at that hour but I can see trying to bribe a tired kid with a cookie just to get through a plane ride.  What would have drove me nuts on the plane was the mom not taking over and having the girl do everything if it wasn't the girl's child.  I have sympathy for any parent with kids on a plane and try to give them the benefit of the doubt.  But if their kid is out of control and they refuse to acknowledge it, then I get pissed at the parents not the kid.  This really came after one plane ride where a set of brothers under the age of 7 spent 1.5 hours of a ~2 hour plane ride from DC to Detroit kicking my seat and the seat of the guy next to me during a flight where we were literally flying into the jet stream (meaning major turbulence).  I would have been on edge anyway from the turbulence but the fact the parents saw what their boys were doing and went back to their magazine without telling them to stop really set me off (and the guy next to me).  I wanted to say something (even please ask your kids to stop kicking the chair) but was afraid I'd say more than that so I didn't.  And yes the guy and I kidded around that we were glad that each of us didn't have kids yet and that the experienced was effective birth control (we happened to get sat by each other, complete strangers).

So if you're ever on a plane and the kid goes nuts, the best thing you can do is try your best to calm the kid.  Most people understand.  Those that don't are difficult to please anyway.  

MrsBlayne

I definitely have my doubts about being a good mom. I am learning that my baby is the type who doesn't do well with disruptions from her routine, so I'm afraid that I will be that mom on the plane. Minus the coke, though. But I'm sure that you will be a great mom and the fact that you are worried about it means that you will be really great.