Eco-Friendly Family

I am irate/disappointed/scared (ETA info)

We went to my niece's 1st birthday party today and DH needed to leave to do his man-stuff so my parents said they could bring me & DD home.  They have a carseat for my nephew in their car, and I asked my mom if it could rear-face and she said yes.  So I sent DH on his way with DD's carseat ...

 Several hours later I go to the car to turn the seat around, and (luckily my mom had brought the manual) discover that it is a booster-type seat, not a convertible and it does not rear face.

Suck.

So I go inform her that the seat does not rear-face and she said, well, I guess she's going to have to forward face.  I told her absolutely not, that it was not yet safe for DD to forward face.  I think I kinda made a scene at the party but I don't care.  She was like then well what are you going to do, seeing as we needed to leave and I had no seat for DD to ride in.

My brother ended up giving me his convertible seat since both he & SIL had driven to the party, so they had both their convertible seats.

Easy fix, but my mom's blatant disregard for DD's safety left me feeling so upset.

HOW DARE SHE even THINK to put my DD at risk.  Children DIE in carseats if they are not appropriately restrained.

How dare she.  This is MY DAUGHTER.

How dare she.  CryingAngry

ETA:  re:  all the posts.  My mom and I have had this discussion SEVERAL times, and she has tried to put DD FF for months now.  She tried to put her RF only infant seat in the car FF because "she should be old enough by now".  I have explicitly explained to her that DD should RF until at least a year and we're going to keep her RF for 2 years or until she outgrows the RF requirements.  She has chosen to forget/ignore these, and every chance she gets, she tries to put DD FF.  When she found out her seat only FF, she said well, since that's all we have, you're going to have to put her FF.  When I refused, and explained to her why, she still insisted that she would have to FF since we didn't have another option.  I'm probably being a little oversensitive about this, but my mom is seriously BSC and this is not the first time her judgment has been lax about DD's safety (even after all of our explanations) and it just has DH & myself concerned.  I know the rules are different now than they used to be ... my little brother used to ride with no booster in the front seat when he was about 4. 

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Re: I am irate/disappointed/scared (ETA info)

  • I'm sorry you had such a rough afternoon. I'd be upset, too.

    But (playing devil's advocate here), a lot of people just don't realize the risk of turning a baby FFing too soon. A lot (a surprising number of people) think that a car seat is safe, period. I would hate to think that your mother was just disregarding your child's safety, I'm sure she was just innocently ignorant to the dangers. But now she knows, right? 

  • While I understand how upset you are, I agree with pp that your mom might not realize the dangers of the situation. I am sure your daughter means the world to your mom and she would never put her in harms way. A lesson was learned by all: your mother about acceptable car seat use and you to always make sure that the car seat available is one that is appropriate for your child. I am so sorry that your night ended this way.
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  • imagethe_jackpot:
    While I understand how upset you are, I agree with pp that your mom might not realize the dangers of the situation. I am sure your daughter means the world to your mom and she would never put her in harms way. A lesson was learned by all: your mother about acceptable car seat use and you to always make sure that the car seat available is one that is appropriate for your child. I am so sorry that your night ended this way.

    Ditto all of this.  I'm sure your mom would never intentionally put your DD in harm's way. 

    When our parents were raising us, car seats weren't even on the market, let alone mandatory.  I heard similar things from my dad when DD was first born.  After educating he and my mom, the wouldn't even dream of putting one of their precious grandbabies in a car without a proper seat. 

     

    ((hugs))

  • imageGladToBeMrs.SRS:

    imagethe_jackpot:
    While I understand how upset you are, I agree with pp that your mom might not realize the dangers of the situation. I am sure your daughter means the world to your mom and she would never put her in harms way. A lesson was learned by all: your mother about acceptable car seat use and you to always make sure that the car seat available is one that is appropriate for your child. I am so sorry that your night ended this way.

    Ditto all of this.  I'm sure your mom would never intentionally put your DD in harm's way. 

    When our parents were raising us, car seats weren't even on the market, let alone mandatory.  I heard similar things from my dad when DD was first born.  After educating he and my mom, the wouldn't even dream of putting one of their precious grandbabies in a car without a proper seat. 

     

    ((hugs))

    I agree with PPs.

    And, actually, carseats were on the market by 1983, because I remember taking my dad's F-100 on a 200+ mile trip, and my mom insisting my baby brother be in his carseat.  But where does one fit a carseat in a vehicle designed for 2.5 people?  On the floor, of course.

     

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  • I think you owe your mom an apology for flipping out on her. A simple explanation as to why your daughter needs to be rear facing would suffice. A lot has changed since our parents were raising kids and I doubt her suggestion was in anyway malicious.

     

    image Lucy, 12/27/2009
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  • Not touching any of the pp's comments I'll say this - My biggest concern would be the fact that it was NOT a carseat but a booster seat. A booster seat that is in no way designed (or legal) for a child of her age to even ride in. It wouldn't even remotely have been safe for her to travel in that seat unlike if it was a ff convertible. Not to mention at your dd's age it's ILLEGAL for her to ride ff at all. Based on the fact that you have had this discussion with her in the past - I just don't get why people are so flip about breaking the law when it comes to car seats. Things that SAVE LIVES.
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  • imagesmurfetteinred:
    Not touching any of the pp's comments I'll say this - My biggest concern would be the fact that it was NOT a carseat but a booster seat. A booster seat that is in no way designed (or legal) for a child of her age to even ride in. It wouldn't even remotely have been safe for her to travel in that seat unlike if it was a ff convertible. Not to mention at your dd's age it's ILLEGAL for her to ride ff at all. Based on the fact that you have had this discussion with her in the past - I just don't get why people are so flip about breaking the law when it comes to car seats. Things that SAVE LIVES.

    Yeah, this.  All of it.

    I can relate - my IL's really wanted S to be FFing around the same age as your DD.  I would say, "We're ERFing and, at this point, it's illegal anyway" to which they'd say, "But she'll be HAPPIER FFing."  She'd be happier not buckled in at all and pogo-ing around the car, but that doesn't mean I'm going to do it!

    At S's 1yr well-check she was 18lbs and diagnosed as FTT.  The last thing my pedi. said to me before we walked out the door was, "Do NOT flip that child's carseat."  Then, of course, my IL's listened. Confused

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  • this is why i am thankful DS is tiny and hasn't hit the weight requirement to FF his carseat. i pulled out the manual to show the ILs that he wasn't at the weight yet. then i had them come with us to get the carseats checked at the fire station (DS rides in their car a lot, and DD will be eventually too). they listened when the firefighter reiterated what i said.

    in their defense, they just didn't understand. they weren't trying to undermine me or anything. now that they get it they are both as cuckoo as i am about it :-)

    i'm sorry your mom pulled that crap. i would have been really annoyed too. 

  • After reading the info you added, I'll retract my devil's advocate stance. I'm sorry you feel like your mother doesn't put enough consideration into your daughter's safety - that must be very difficult and disappointing.
  • Yep -- the new information changes things quite a bit.  It sounds like you need to sit down with her, outside of the heated situation, and have a very frank discussion about what is and is not negotiable when it comes to your child. 

    IMO, ice cream = negotiable.  Car seat =/= negotiable. 

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