insensitivity from my DH — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

insensitivity from my DH

So yesterday I found out on FB that one of my colleagues is having a baby in January. 

I'm happy for her, but yet am a bit sad at the same time bc I am no longer having a baby this winter. So I said to my DH last night that I was glad that she wasn't due in February b/c that would be very hard for me.  He turned to me and said "why?"  I wanted to strangle him.

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Re: insensitivity from my DH

  • IouliaIoulia
    Third Anniversary
    member

    image lrachelle80:
    Ha! Yeah, the guys don't get it. Frustrating!!

    Amen!

  • image Ioulia:

    image lrachelle80:
    Ha! Yeah, the guys don't get it. Frustrating!!

    Amen!

    I hear ya!
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  • My dh does this ALLLLLLLLL the time. He cannot understand why I'm not super thrilled for his best friend and his wife who are due within weeks of my due date. I'm happy for them, but I'm not thrilled to hear about it, you know?
    [img]http://ugc.theknot.com/422352-small.jpg[/img]

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  • Ugg.  I've gotten a few dummy statements from my DH too.  They really don't think sometimes.
  • Yes, that would be my husband too. Does not get it at all.
    DS Born 10/05/99 DSS Born 7/11/95 BFP 05/11/10 - Missed M/C, D&C 06/23/10 BFP 8/3/2010 - Ectopic, Methotrexate 8/17/10 BFP 1/27/11- Please God let this heart beat strong. Beta1 17dpo-314 Beta2 20dpo-883 Beta3 22dpo-1861 Beta4 25dpo-5918 DS2 Born 10/07/99 "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he shall be given over to the LORD." 1Sam1v24to28.
  • Mine flat out yelled at me last Thursday when I mentioned I was just not feeling 100% b/c it was what would have been my 9wks.  He said that I had no idea what loss was b/c no one in my family or close to me has died.  OMG... Seriously?!  It is not really in the same ball park as losing a loved one.  The feelings of loss and sadness are, but those only account for a part of the feelings that result from a m/c.  

    I decided that it was my job to try to help him understand. It was b/c he didn't understand that he didn't know how to help me (rather he said I needed counseling).  I spent 2 hours that night writing everything down from my BFP through my spotting, and then the confirmation of m/c. I also described my emotions and put it in terms that he can relate to. He seemed to FINALLY get it!!  He was in tears when he came upstairs after reading it. This morning a woman who is 20 wks was in my spin class and was talking then entire time before and after the class about the whole pg story (made for a crappy morning). When I got home I mentioned it to DH and he actually showed some empathy and said he was sorry I had to listen to it. 

    Just a suggestion. His attitude will probably only get worse over time b/c you will continue to hurt and he will continue to not understand unless you help him understand. Good luck to you and I hope things get better for you.  (((hugs))) 

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