Blended Families

Is a phone really necessary?

What would you ladies think of giving a phone to a 6 and 8 year old?

BM gave the kids a phone a month ago. It's prepaid, so that's at least good. No surprise though that they ran out of minutes in about 2 weeks. They called her, and grandparents, and just about anyone else in their phonebook.

Anyway, she gave it to them so they could call whenever they want and she can call them anytime she wants. Whether they are here or if she is at work.

I think that is weird.

I've also had to take it away a few times from them arguing over it.

Anyway, is it our responsibility to make sure it isn't lost? That they have it with them in case she calls? To make sure that it's charged?

Or do we just let them handle it?

Should they ask for permission to use it or just use it whenever they feel like it?

This is such a bizarre idea to me for such young kids to have a phone, so I really have no idea about this stuff. I'm also aware that my confusion gives a bias to my answers to the above questions, so I want to hear what you all think. 

Re: Is a phone really necessary?

  • SWmamaSWmama member

    AW hell naw!

    But then again, neither SS nor DD will be getting phones from us until they're 16. And then it will be those phones that only allow them to call certain numbers (us, BM for SS) and have a GPS tracking device. No texting. No data plan.

    Yes, I'm a fun sucker.

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  • I think that is inappropriate. I'm sure both you and your DH have phones.  If the kids need to talk to BM for some reason they can use yours.  I think that is really weird.  And NO it's not your responsibility.  If BM thinks that the kids are old enough for phones then they better be old enough to take care of them on their own!
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  • Emma, I'm right there with you. We have phones. If she wants to talk to them, she can call us. If they want to call her, they can ask us. I don't see the need for a phone. 
  • So and I have discussed getting one for LO later on down the road as BM only answers her phone when she feels like it and will often make excuses why LO can't talk (Exp. "She's sleeping" when you can hear her playing and laughing in the background). It definitely won't be for a while as she's only a 3. I think we'll at least be waiting til she was 10-11yrs old.
  • When DD was about to be 7, my ex-MIL bought her a cell phone for Christmas. I swear it was because she *thought* I wouldn't let DD call her whenever she wanted...truth was she never asked. And the other reason was because DD had been begging for one and I had told her no. It's also a prepaid.

    In response to your questions:

    Anyway, is it our responsibility to make sure it isn't lost? That they have it with them in case she calls? To make sure that it's charged? No, in our house that is DD's responsibility. If she forgets, too bad.

    Should they ask for permission to use it or just use it whenever they feel like it? Since I don't pay for the phone, I let DD use it whenever, except during my preset guidelines of 8pm-8am. I don't want her  calling anyone early in the morning or late at night when she is supposed to be in bed.

    The truth is that DD is now 10 and still rarely uses it. My niece is 12 and has one and they have only texted each other very few times. Although, her Nana now has a set day she makes DD call her on (Tuesdays). Half the time anyone calls her she has the phone turned off because she's afraid she will waste the battery. So while, I thought it was going to be a huge problem, it hasn't been that bad even though I still hate having to admit that my 10 yr old has had a cell phone for 3 years.

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

  • My ex got the kids phones, I make them turn them in when they are here.  My house, my rules.  I'm not saying they can't use them, but they're checked out as needed.  
  • DD is 13.  She has had a cell phone since she was 11.  I gave it to her so she could call me whenever she needed to while she is with her dad.  He has angry outbursts.  If he is out of control I want her to be able to call me.  If she asked him to call me he would sit and listen to every word she is saying and it makes her uncomfortable.

    I recently (for her b-day) upgraded the plan to include unlimited texting (for all 3 phones on the plan) so she is now allowed to text her friends.  She is not allowed to erase any texts incoming or outgoing.  I check them regularly, then I erase them.

    Her 11 yr old sister (dad's side) also has a cell phone, so it allows them to talk more too.  

  • No way!  BM gave SS#1 a phone a few months before he turned 6.  DH didn't see a problem with it but I told him that there was no way I was going to encourage SS having a phone and I thought it was completely ridiculous considering how young he was.  SS hasn't brought it back to our house since, and I don't even know if he still has it.  
  • I'm sorry but this phone is in your house?? Then yes, you get to make the rules. They want to call someone? Fine but you get to say when they can make those calls and how long they last.

    If it were me, I would keep the phone in a place where the kids cannot have it without asking. I would only turn it on at times when it is okay with you for them to receive calls. They would have to ask when they can place calls and I'd set out an egg timer to let them know how long they had to talk.



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  • I hate SD's cell phone. She has had it for a few years now. She just recently told DH that the reason her mom got her the cell phone was because her dad never let her talk to SD (big lie - phone records to prove it). DH has rules about the cell phone in which SD says that her mom tells her to ignore DH's rules. DH has taken it away from her and has told her that he will send it back. Then she argues back that her mom will just send it back...yada yada. DH has checked her texts and such and mom had sent her a text instructing her to make sure she deletes everything off her phone.

    The court order specifies times in which the parents are supposed to call, and I feel that mom feels the cell phone gives her the right to call whenever she wants - but she still makes dad stick to the court order. (I feel that a parent should be able to call whenever they want as long as they are not disrupting the other's parenting time).

     

    Chuck (married 06/18/05) Caroline Reese 10/19/06 Charlie 12/11/09 Hailey 02/10/97 (SD)
  • My stepsons have a cell phone and we pay for it now. The problem we are having is its never on over at their mom's house yet their mom thinks we need to make sure its on over here and they are available at all times when she wants to text or call. Its gotten a lot better but I used to hate that damn thing.  The boys are responsible for their phone. If they leave it here then tough stuff. They will have to get it the next time they are here. Not our responsibility. Plus it teaches them responsibility.
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  • imageNOLAbride0605:

    I hate SD's cell phone. She has had it for a few years now. She just recently told DH that the reason her mom got her the cell phone was because her dad never let her talk to SD (big lie - phone records to prove it). DH has rules about the cell phone in which SD says that her mom tells her to ignore DH's rules. DH has taken it away from her and has told her that he will send it back. Then she argues back that her mom will just send it back...yada yada. DH has checked her texts and such and mom had sent her a text instructing her to make sure she deletes everything off her phone.

    The court order specifies times in which the parents are supposed to call, and I feel that mom feels the cell phone gives her the right to call whenever she wants - but she still makes dad stick to the court order. (I feel that a parent should be able to call whenever they want as long as they are not disrupting the other's parenting time).

    This is exactly how I feel, so: no, I don't think it's weird that BM got her kids phones - to answer OP's question.

  • I'm new to The Bump and still exploring the boards, but couldn't resist posting.  My SS was 8 when his BM purchased a prepaid cellular phone for him.  She insisted that he bring it to weeklong summer visitation with DH because she "couldn't stand to not talk to him for longer than one day."  Ok, I understand that, but my DH always answers her calls and lets BM talk to him whenever she requests and if my DH is gone for work and SS is with me, I always answer her calls and let her talk to him; however she will not answer DH's calls unless it is close to the weekend and she thinks he is calling to make plans.  One night my DH got called into work sometime after midnight and heard SS talking in his room when he walked by.  He stood at the door to figure out what SS was doing and heard him talking on the phone.  He was saying things like "yes, she is wearing her ring," "yes, dad is sleeping in their room," "no, they aren't mad at each other," "yes, I'm happy here," "yes, dad got a new truck," etc.  BM woke him up at midnight (she later admitted to telling him to sleep with the phone so she could call him) and was pumping him for information when she didn't think we'd still be up to hear the conversation!!!!  FYI--my evil MIL was spreading the rumor we were ending our marriage.  The next day my DH called BM to have a talk about the cell phone and her asking SS inappropriate questions.  Needless to say the phone hasn't been back since.  She said she needed to check on him as she didn't think the environment was healthy for him as my MIL told her we were getting divorced and had an "explosive" relationship....not even close!  He told her she needed to call and talk to us if she felt discord in our marriage was causing SS problems, which she was obviously just going by MIL's stupid rumors as she admitted SS says he is always very happy at our house.  And to add a little bit more about her character, she's the one that got turned in for my SS and her younger son talking about using firearms on the property she lives unsupervised in their classroom at school.  In the end the court didn't see her as an unfit parent even though the Sheriff attended the investigation with Children's Services and documented an unlocked gun cabinet with loaded guns laying on the living room floor and both boys admitted to "playing" with the guns.  Custody stayed the same (joint legal and physical), she was told to abide by the CO by the judge relating to telephone communication with the child, and things have not changed during the last two years. 
  • I just had to chime in on this. Even though my DH has made a habit since SS was 4 of having him call his BM every day after school, when he was 5 she got him a cell phone. He pranced around the house with it clipped to his pants. He walked funny with his hip protruding so it was noticed. He mentioned it in nearly every sentence. And he never frigging used it. Eventually she got tired of paying for something unnecessary and took it back.

    We did put our foot down about the Nintendo DS, though. It is not allowed in our home. It sucks his attention and is an expensive device we don't want to be responsible for since we didn't have an input in its purchase.

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  • Our BM got SD a cell phone when she turned six (about 9 months ago) because SD asked for it.  We still don't think it's a good idea, but we haven't had too many issues with it.  There are only a handful of numbers programmed on it and she hasn't figured out how to call anyone else.  We have a designated shelf for it that it has to remain on unless she is making a call.  This makes it easier to remember to bring it back.  She's not allowed to use it after bedtime unless there is an emergency.  We have never told her she couldn't talk to her mom or grandma despite what BM thinks.
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  • SD got a cell phone for her 9th birthday.  Personally, I thought it was RIDICULOUS.  When we found out she had one, DH and I said that she didn't need it at our house, and if it did come here, we weren't responsible for loss, damage, or overages in minutes.  If she wants to call BM while she's here, she justs asks.  At first, SD was upset she didn't have one here, but she got over it just as fast.
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  • I got my DD a phone last year, she is 8.  My reason was because she started going to a different babysitter after school.  She used to go to the YMCA which was on the school grounds, so I didn't feel she needed a phone then.  So when my sister in law started babysitting after school, my dd would walk across the school yard to the park and she would get picked up there, she would also go on playdates after school, so I always wanted to be able to get a hold of her, or vise verse. 

    I never expected my exh to charge it, or take any responsibility for it.  He usually still calls my phone to speak with dd anyway, which is fine too. 

    I don't think it is weird, at all.  I have my dd put her phone on the charger (it is in the kitchen) before bed, and I also got the internet on the phone blocked, so she can't use that feature. 

     

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