Sports- who pays?
karatechrissy
member
This has come up recently in our home, and the school supply post got my wheels a turning.
SS is now 4 and has come to the age where he can start getting into various sports. Our family is quite athletic. He is already in Taekwondo, at the studio that DH and I own. (our whole family is in Taekwondo, including BM, and since we own our own school, there is no montly payment). Soccer is coming up and DH grew up doing soccer (well, every sport really). We got SS a soccer ball in the spring and since then asks on a weekly basis when he gets to have a soccer team. Signups were last week. DH texted BM and asked her if she wanted to split the cost . (she won't communicate any other way, not that we're fighting or anything, she just doesn't answer the phone and will text back a minute after you called saying 'what?'). She told DH that soccer is a 'mexican sport' and doesn't want SS in it. (she's very against mexicans because I'm 1/2... remember the being pissed I was teaching SS to count to 10 in spanish? yea). DH explained to her that it isn't about what she or he wanted, it is about what SS wants, and that he has expressed quite an interest in playing soccer. DH told her he didn't mind paying for all of it, he just wanted to know if she wanted to contribute and would promise to get him to practice if they happened to fall on days she has him. She said she wants him in football and would split that cost but not soccer. He said that's fine, he wanted him in both and wants SS to experience everything he can. After she realized she wasnt' getting a rise out of him she offered to buy his gear and said she wants him to have all the opportunities that he can and she would get him to practices. It ended civilly and SS is SO excited for soccer to start.
Anyway, what's your stance? We dont' mind paying for it at all, we just want SS to have fun, but I'm curious, does CS extend into sports as well? The general consensus below seems to be on the 'Child support covers this' waggon, what about sports? Also, do you take into consideration if both parents have 50/50 or if there is a parent with sole custody and the other just gets EOW visitation? Discuss.
MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter
"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Re: Sports- who pays?
We have joint legal custody, I have primary residential.
It is written into the custody order that whoever signs the child up for an activity is responsible for paying, we figured that would be the most fair considering it is also in our order that both parties are responsible for making sure the child get to the activity, even if it falls on their visitation time.
We pay all sports/activity/etc fees. We buy all the clothes and whatever.
I tell exH what I'm signing him up for and let him know how he's doing. I occasionally send pictures.
That's the extent of exH's involvement.
We split the cost of sports activites also (along with any other things they get into).
this
lol. My answer to this is identical to the school supply post
We have a "No CS" order. What that means is, BM doesn't receive a check each month, but we pay all daycare, school, activity, medical, and dental expenses. This includes if BM can't buy school clothes or proper clothes for an activity. If SD has a field trip, we pay. Etc etc etc.
I agree!
My daughter has a Fall/Winter activity and a Summer activity. That's it.
Her main focus should be being a kid and school....she doesn't need to be over-scheduled yet. lol
Got to agree here. I also pay for everything.
We split the cost with BM#2 for SD#2 and SD#3's activities but she buys any clothing/shoes needed for the activity.
BM#1 wouldn't put the kids in anything when they were little b/c she said she didn't have the money so DH had to pay in full. He did. As the years have went by it became DH pays for SS and BM#1 pays for SD#1. We get the short end of the stick b/c SD#1 does track. SS does football, flag football, baseball, and basketball. He has done them since he was 4. Sorry but it you have a son like SS with the energy of 10 people you have to keep him active!
I agree with LittleJen. That is a lot of organized activities for a 4 yo. i would be very worried about him being overextended and not having enough free time or time for kiddie play. I think it's important to balance athletics with academics, and with 3 organized activities and all that goes into them when is he going to have the time or energy to do anything else.
I agree with Nikki. It's not always black and white, every kid is different....especially boys are sometimes very energetic and 3 activities are a no problem for them at 4 years old. So, I'd say, if Krissy's SS wants to do all those sports, let him. It's never been a problem for my nephew or for my son. Those boys are never tired, honestly.
As far as paying, I think, ideally, you should split it. But, if the other parent doesn't want to pay for an activity you and your spouse chose, you can't really make them pay...so I guess: you pick, you pay.
We do 50/50 for sports/music lessons, activities, but... DH only wants to pay for 1 sport/etc per kid. If it's music lessons-then that's their 1 'thing'.
I know I did a lot of activities-not all were free-Girl Scouts didn't count. But if it's school related-that's different than something that is outside of school-like karate, music lessons, community baseball.
I think he does it cause he feels more than one will overextend them-which the free ones def do when it's all combined.
HTH!
My ex wanted Pumpkin to take piano lesson in addition to her two dance classes, but he didn't want to help pay for it. She took all three when we were together and she didn't like piano. Also piano costs as much as both dance classes combined. I told my ex that if he wanted to pay for, I would take her and make sure she practiced. Needless to say, she didn't take piano. He said that is what cs is for, so I pay for any and all activities.
https://www.puttingfamilyfirst.org/research.php
It's not about wearing the kid out physically, it is about making sure that there is an ample amount of unstructered play, and family time. In a non-BF it is hard enough to have kids in multiple activities and still find time for quality bonding time like family dinners. Throw being in a BF into the mix, and you are shuttling not just between two homes, which takes time, but 3 activities which require a huge time commitment. It all takes away from that. That is not to say that the child cannot physically handle it, there is a lot more to it than that.
In our case, I pay all of DD's activity fees. Her BF has never offered to pay for anything over the CS order. Currently she's in musical theatre and girl scouts.
BM pays for SS1's baseball fees and SS2's football fees and currently SD is only in girl scouts which I pay all expenses for.
Eh, it's all a matter of opinion. I know here football and soccer are both fall sports, and I would assume that Tae-whatever is year round. I prefer to not see kids in so many structured activities, again, it's all a matter of opinion.
We have equal custody, no CS. We agree each school year to pay half of the sports fees for agreed upon activities. SD is on the volleyball team, so we pay half of the fee for that, and then half for any activities that come up with volleyball.
Earlier this year, BM wanted to put SD into a hip hop dance class taught by BM's friend. We paid half for the classes, but after seeing the recital, decided it wouldn't be a wise decision for us to continue paying. (It was SO ridiculous! The kids had no idea what they were doing, no uniforms, etc...) We told BM we would either pay for a different sport, or help with transportation to dance, but not the cost of it. I want SD to do "Girls on the Run" this year, but BM doesn't want to spend that money, so we'll pay for all of that, with BM helping with transportation on her days.