Multiples
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A Little Offended

When the 1st tri girls refer to having twins as their "worst nightmare."  People just say awful things!  I feel so blessed to be having multiples.  My dad is a twin and I always wanted to be a MoM like my grandma.

 

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/40440850.aspx

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Re: A Little Offended

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    Honestly, I felt that way before I found out I was having twins. At a NYE party, when I told friends I was pg, one of them was talking about how she'd love to have twins and I could not have been more "I would die if I was pregnant with twins." We talked about how day care would be so much more expensive, twice the cost for diapers and baby supplies and what not. When I found out I was having twins I cried for two or three hours as it all sank in. Now of course I'm overjoyed with my two girls and can't imagine life without both of them, and feel incredibly lucky...but I don't blame people for feeling exactly how I did before I knew I was having 2. 

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    imagetxdaisygal:

    Honestly, I felt that way before I found out I was having twins. At a NYE party, when I told friends I was pg, one of them was talking about how she'd love to have twins and I could not have been more "I would die if I was pregnant with twins." We talked about how day care would be so much more expensive, twice the cost for diapers and baby supplies and what not. When I found out I was having twins I cried for two or three hours as it all sank in. Now of course I'm overjoyed with my two girls and can't imagine life without both of them, and feel incredibly lucky...but I don't blame people for feeling exactly how I did before I knew I was having 2. 

    yeah, that

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    imagetxdaisygal:

    Honestly, I felt that way before I found out I was having twins. At a NYE party, when I told friends I was pg, one of them was talking about how she'd love to have twins and I could not have been more "I would die if I was pregnant with twins." We talked about how day care would be so much more expensive, twice the cost for diapers and baby supplies and what not. When I found out I was having twins I cried for two or three hours as it all sank in. Now of course I'm overjoyed with my two girls and can't imagine life without both of them, and feel incredibly lucky...but I don't blame people for feeling exactly how I did before I knew I was having 2. 

    I understand the fear, because it is overwhelming but I just think it is poor taste to call anything involving having a baby a "nightmare." 

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    imagerobinsokj:
    imagetxdaisygal:

    Honestly, I felt that way before I found out I was having twins. At a NYE party, when I told friends I was pg, one of them was talking about how she'd love to have twins and I could not have been more "I would die if I was pregnant with twins." We talked about how day care would be so much more expensive, twice the cost for diapers and baby supplies and what not. When I found out I was having twins I cried for two or three hours as it all sank in. Now of course I'm overjoyed with my two girls and can't imagine life without both of them, and feel incredibly lucky...but I don't blame people for feeling exactly how I did before I knew I was having 2. 

    yeah, that

    same here
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    I completely agree with you. I am scared and overwhelmed by the thought of having twins, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I completely understand the sentiment, I just think the wording is just a little insensitive. Refering to it as "my worst nightmare" is just a little harsh IMO.
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    I've had the "nightmare" comment a few times. I admit I was scared out of my mind the first couple of days and practically peed my pants the minute we heard "twins!" That said, we have been given enormous support by our loved ones which has calmed my fears, and these babies mean more to me than anything else right now. There is no nightmare for me now, only an exciting future. Big Smile
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    My worst nightmare was never being able to get pg at all.  While it was a difficult pregnancy and the expenses go up, etc., I wouldn't have it any other way.

    There are better ways to say you're shocked or scared about having twins.  "Worst nightmare" is a bit harsh.

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    imageBelleBaby:

    My worst nightmare was never being able to get pg at all.  While it was a difficult pregnancy and the expenses go up, etc., I wouldn't have it any other way.

    There are better ways to say you're shocked or scared about having twins.  "Worst nightmare" is a bit harsh.

    This was mine!  DH and I knew multiples were very likely once we started working with the RE and I got rude "Octomom" comments from family and friends, but we felt like paying a mortgage and planning a wedding and all the other financial milestones that we made it through that we would find a way to make anything work.  God would not give us more than we could handle.

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    Its not like the ladies on the thread were talking to or about someone pg with multiples. Perhaps you are a little overly sensitive? The saying, "my worst nightmare" is a hyperbole, not necessarily actually their worst nightmare I am sure.

    Some of those early days (esp nights!) with 2 infants were pretty nightmarish. I just kept telling myself it could be worse.

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    Well, you know, we get mad when people say they want twins, and we get mad when people say they don't.

    Maybe being a little more diplomatic about it would be nice, though...

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    imagepea-kay:

    Well, you know, we get mad when people say they want twins, and we get mad when people say they don't.

    Maybe being a little more diplomatic about it would be nice, though...

    It doesn't bother me when people say that want them.  I think there are a lot of advantages.

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    Just chiming in to say I love you bassett. I have had two of them and love them to pieces! So loyal and goofy!
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    It doesn't bother me when people say they don't want to have twins. I was scared of the idea of twins, too. I wouldn't have phrased it as my "worst nightmare" (hey, there's always octuplets ;)) but I was REALLY hoping for a singleton! ;)
    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
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    imagetiethenot:
    Just chiming in to say I love you bassett. I have had two of them and love them to pieces! So loyal and goofy!

    Thanks.  The one on the left passed.  The one on the right is now 1 and a half. He is a very good dog, but physically very strong and likes to paw at us a lot.  I worry about him being too rough with the babies, though I know he will adore them....he loves kids.

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    I just think its weird that a pregnant lady would think her own child (1 of them) would be a  nightmare. We can all be worried that after our kids come we wont have as much money or time for ourselves, thats normal. I was just as happy for 1 baby as i was for 3. Being a mom is hard whether you have 1 or 10 but its worth it and only gets easier.
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    imagemacchiatto:
    It doesn't bother me when people say they don't want to have twins. I was scared of the idea of twins, too. I wouldn't have phrased it as my "worst nightmare" (hey, there's always octuplets ;)) but I was REALLY hoping for a singleton! ;)

    Ditto this Yes

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    imagemadybug:
    I just think its weird that a pregnant lady would think her own child (1 of them) would be a  nightmare. We can all be worried that after our kids come we wont have as much money or time for ourselves, thats normal. I was just as happy for 1 baby as i was for 3. Being a mom is hard whether you have 1 or 10 but its worth it and only gets easier.

    This. I love my babies so much already.  I could stare at their sono pics for hours and never get bored.  They are my miracles and, though I know it won't be easy, and I can't wait to meet them.

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    Oh that's Totty...I don't think she meant anything by her comment.  I actually think that same thing often and find myself getting very overwhelmed as the time gets closer.

     

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    imageLilystar82:
    I completely agree with you. I am scared and overwhelmed by the thought of having twins, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I completely understand the sentiment, I just think the wording is just a little insensitive. Refering to it as "my worst nightmare" is just a little harsh IMO.

    I agree. I thought it was a bit much when I read that one thread about it earlier. I mean yes, scary, but not a tragedy! I have no idea what we're getting ourselves into with the possibility of having twins, and while it can definitely be dangerous sentimentalizing it like it's just going to be so glorious, I am still really happy and hopeful. I have had dreams about twins often.  

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    imageougrad1:

    Oh that's Totty...I don't think she meant anything by her comment.  I actually think that same thing often and find myself getting very overwhelmed as the time gets closer.

     

    Not so much Totty's comment, there was another one.  This woman is on her 3d and went on about how with all her pregnancies it was her "worst nightmare."  Totty's comment wasn't the one that offended me.  Scroll down.

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    imageBelleBaby:

    My worst nightmare was never being able to get pg at all.  While it was a difficult pregnancy and the expenses go up, etc., I wouldn't have it any other way.

    There are better ways to say you're shocked or scared about having twins.  "Worst nightmare" is a bit harsh.

    This.  

    I will say that if it's just on the boards or chatting with friends honestly, I can understand why someone might say that (like if they are just venting or are honestly sharing their fears).  But for someone to say that to someone who is having twins is just rude.

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    Your going to hear these kind of comments all the time, so you need to try and not let it get to you. I can't tell you how many times people have said "I feel sorry for you" or "I wouldn't wish twins on my worst enemy". Really, people have no idea they are being offensive, so you just have to ignore it.
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    I never gave a thought to having twins before I got pregnant with them, but now I just feel so incredibly blessed to have been given them.  I truly believe that God doesn't give you more than you can handle... which is probably why this board is full of fantastic, strong women!  Takes a special mom to be a MoM.

    I really don't care if those women don't want twins. I don't take seriously a person who defines having twins as a "nightmare" when there are people in the world dealing with truly devastating situations.  (And if they're just using the word "nightmare" to be dramatic, well, I don't put up with drama either.) ; )

    ~Crystal~ SAHM to Sam (5), Hugh (3), Mary & Grace (22 months) : )
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    Better toughen up.  Once they're here these little humans you'd give your own life for will elicit "Better you than me,"  "God bless you," "Cute but you must be crazy..." the list goes on.  And on.  DOn't be offended- be secretly smug that you're doing it and happy about it!
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    imageLoveEeyore:
    Better toughen up.  Once they're here these little humans you'd give your own life for will elicit "Better you than me,"  "God bless you," "Cute but you must be crazy..." the list goes on.  And on.  DOn't be offended- be secretly smug that you're doing it and happy about it!
    All of this! Especially the smugness!! I never figured I would have twins when DH and I were TTC. The thought never really crossed my mind. After we found out I and just like most, went through a wide range of emotions. Everything from mourning the loss of the idea of just one baby to feeling like the luckiest person on the planet. People will say all kinds of stupid shiit to you. Brush it off and get smug. That's what I do!
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    imagepea-kay:

    Well, you know, we get mad when people say they want twins, and we get mad when people say they don't.

    Maybe being a little more diplomatic about it would be nice, though...

    I was thinking this. I was one of those dumb-asses who thought that twins were so cute and really wanted them.  I had the sense not to post something like that here. But when I heard that there were two I was over-the-moon happy and never looked back.

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    imageLoveEeyore:
    Better toughen up.  Once they're here these little humans you'd give your own life for will elicit "Better you than me,"  "God bless you," "Cute but you must be crazy..." the list goes on.  And on.  DOn't be offended- be secretly smug that you're doing it and happy about it!

    This!


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    I was very ambivalent when I found out we were having twins. DH was thrilled and I was terrified. I wouldn't call it "my worst nightmare," but finding out that there were two of them killed a lot of the normal 'joy' I expected to feel about my pregnancy. Immediately, I realized that things were going to be really HARD... high-risk pregnancy, extra financial burden, and the realization that I would be struggling even more to do the kinds of things I had really hoped to do with my child - like breastfeeding and cloth diapering. It made me very realistic, very fast. I love my daughters and they are amazing. They are really fun but every day I feel so much guilt that they don't get to have my one-on-one attention like a singleton. I am completely wiped and I feel like they don't always get the best of me. That makes me sad. It isn't a nightmare, but it's not an ideal situation either. I'm hoping that as they grow the benefits will outweigh the hardship.

    But having twins again... I might classify that as my worst nightmare. I won't lie!

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    i had to comment on that post...i dont really take offense but it is funny (not the ha-ha kind) what people think they know about twins...i didnt know much really until i was expecting twins but i never really thought about it nor commented for that matter either...and, i never, hoped for i singleton, I just expected a singleton...twins do run in my family but I never thought it could happen to me...lol..,i have a friend that used to say she wanted twins and i used to say not me because twins freak me out but we were just kids then and I figured i'd never have twins so i might as well act like i dont want them...lol...honestly, it is a lot more work especially with a toddler in tow but i am thrilled to have 2 more healthy boys and being a mom (or Dad) of twins is a truly amazing and unique experience that, as Ive said before, most people will not have a chance to experience even if they wanted to...I truly feel blessed to have this once in a lifetime opportunity. Big Smile
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    i had to comment on that post...i dont really take offense but it is funny (not so much the ha-ha kind) what people think they know about twins...i didnt know much really until i was expecting twins but i never really thought about it nor commented for that matter either...and, i never, hoped for i singleton, I just expected a singleton...twins do run in my family but I never thought it could happen to me...lol..,i have a friend that used to say she wanted twins and i used to say not me because twins freak me out but we were just kids then and I figured i'd never have twins so i might as well act like i dont want them...lol...honestly, it is a lot more work especially with a toddler in tow but i am thrilled to have 2 more healthy boys and being a mom (or Dad) of twins is a truly amazing and unique experience that, as Ive said before, most people will not have a chance to experience even if they wanted to...I truly feel blessed to have this once in a lifetime opportunity. Big Smile
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    i had to comment on that post...i dont really take offense but it is funny (not so much the ha-ha kind) what people think they know about twins...i didnt know much really until i was expecting twins but i never really thought about it nor commented for that matter either...and, i never, hoped for i singleton, I just expected a singleton...twins do run in my family but I never thought it could happen to me...lol..,i have a friend that used to say she wanted twins and i used to say not me because twins freak me out but we were just kids then and I figured i'd never have twins so i might as well act like i dont want them...lol...honestly, it is a lot more work especially with a toddler in tow but i am thrilled to have 2 more healthy boys and being a mom (or Dad) of twins is a truly amazing and unique experience that, as Ive said before, most people will not have a chance to experience even if they wanted to...I truly feel blessed to have this once in a lifetime opportunity. Big Smile
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    I've had a couple of comments like this, and it hasn't really bothered me that much. ?My eyes are getting a workout from all of the eye-rolling I have to do when people say stupid things, but it's so worth it! ?:-) ?I'm thrilled to be pregnant after trying for so long, and I always knew, and kind of hoped, that twins would be a possibility for us.
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    When we found out we were expecting twins I was utterly terrified, and thought I was in the middle of a nightmare... it took me weeks to come to grips with it. I'm still utterly terrified of how my family is about to be upended but it is what it is and this doesn't mean I love my girls any less! My son is just barely 2 and a total mama's boy... his world is about to be totally rocked. I love all of our special times together and I'm going to have to put him off to care for the girls. I think it's going to be hard not have some resentment floating around since DH gets to leave for work everyday and I get to balance 3 kids every day. Don't get me wrong DH is an amazing dad who'll do anything including getting up for every feeding even tho he works... but there are going to be some HUGE earthshattering adjustments in my household so saying it's going to be a nightmare at first I think is putting it mildly... will we all adjust and be fine absolutely... but it's not going to be an easy time for any of us.
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    I've found that people who make stupid comments are at one extreme or the other; either they haven't thought about the challenges and think twins are a dreamy idea or they exaggerate the challenges and are super negative.

    Before we found out twins were on the way, the idea of them intimidated me.  When faced with the reality of twins, I had to adjust my vision of parenthood and dig deep to find the confidence for it. People who make stupid comments never had to do that soul searching.  They are clueless, so just ignore them.

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    imageCER+MEL:

    I've found that people who make stupid comments are at one extreme or the other; either they haven't thought about the challenges and think twins are a dreamy idea or they exaggerate the challenges and are super negative.

    I have definitely found that as well! It's all the extremes.

    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
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