Baby Showers
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Book instead of card...tacky or not?
A few girls from work are throwing me a shower, and have mentioned that they are gonna do the "book instead of a card" deal.
I've been to a few showers where they did this and I thought it was cute, I enjoyed finding my favorite books to pass on to friends LO's and never thought twice about it being tacky.
However I mentioned this to my MIL thinking it would be fun for the family shower too, and she totally shot it down. Said it seemed tacky and gift grabby.
I see both sides, it does sound a bit demanding, but I think its a cute idea too! What is your take on this?
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Re: Book instead of card...tacky or not?
I'm just not a fan of being told what to bring as a gift, to be honest.
I do get this request often and rarely show up with a book.
I'm fine with it. I think reading to a child is one of many important things a parent can do for them. I usually purchase a nice hardcover book, but I have also gone to the dollar store/spot and purchased a book that was cheaper than a card. If people really don't want to spend a lot, a dollar board book is way better than a card that may be tossed or never looked again.
I also need to add that some of my son's favorite books are from the dollar bin at Target and board books have been a lifesaver for us (keeping quiet at church, quiet time, and at doctors appointments).
My vote is NOT tacky. The way I see it you spend $2.50 or $3.50 on a card and with in a year or two when the emotion wears off, you'll probably throw the card away. You put that same $2.50/$3.50 toward a book and the same person writes a personal message in the book to your baby, you have very special keepsake that you can say at the end of each story, Aunt Sue gave you this book and it will help your child connect again with Aunt Sue.
I have done it for the four showers I hosted. My friends are putting it on the invite of one of my showers. If people don't want to do it, it is fine. No worries or guilt. I just think a book is a better use of my couple bucks than a card.
A QUALITY book is not $2...I think it is tacky to dictate what type of gift a guest should bring to a party.
That said...I realllly wanted to build a library for my little one, so I registered for books. I got a ton of books and it was really nice. I think that a "book shower" where all guests bring are books is lovely, but to say...we do not want cards...we want books instead is awful...
1. Guests are going to subtract the cost of the book from their gift budget...
2. In order to get a book and a gift, people are likely going to get off the wall books and not the classics, and if they do get a classic, you may not get much of a gift
3. Whenever I get invited to a "bring XYZ" shower...I decline.
Food Allergies to Eggs, Milk, Peanuts, Tree Nuts & Beef
Challenged Soy and tolerated it.
I think it depends on your family and friends. I have been invited to a few of these showers and loved giving my favorite books. I do have a set budget for my shower gifts and the budget does include gift, card, or book in place of card.
Yes, books are nice, but how does this overcome the rudeness of dictating to guests what to bring?
I can get a perfectly nice card for less than $3 at Hallmark- even cheaper elsewhere. Can't say the same thing for a decent book. None of the classic kids books are cheap
Before I had my baby, my mom brought over the baby stuff of mine that she had saved, along with the cards from her baby shower and the cards that were sent when I was born. It was really really neat to go through them.
I will agree with you that it is precious to have handwritten notes in the book. Heck, I still have my childhood favorites that people wrote notes in it to me. However, this was back in the day - they did it on their own without someone dictating to them that it is what the "should" do.
OP - I think that it is overly tacky. Registering for books is a great compromise.
Here's my take as a guest AND as a mom.
1- as a guest, I was just invited to a shower that did this. First, it's still my choice, and I choose not to take part. Partially because I do have a problem being told what to buy, and second:
2- As a mom, I didn't register for books, I didn't ask for books. Guess what? I have a HUGE collection of books. HUGE. People give books w/o being asked! Trust me on this.
This is the same reason I didnt' register for blankets either. I knew between books and blankets, we'd end up totally stocked.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I don't know about the whole "give a book instead of a card" phrasing, but I've been asked to contribute a favorite book to a future child's library at a shower. Honestly, I think it's a cute idea and I have absolutely NO problem whatsoever with promoting reading. Plus, I enjoyed seeing everyone's favorite book choices (not everyone gave a book, but those who did actually went out of their way to contribute some of their childhood favorites, myself included).
But instead of telling people to "buy a book instead of a card", I would make it a more optional suggestion in the invitation. I forget the wording in the invitation I received where the guests contributed books, but it was definitely more of a suggestion.
Tacky. There are no two ways about it. ?You are asking for 2 gifts. ?"buy me something from my registry, AND buy me a book". ?Sure, people are free to disregard it, but you will still be the girl who's shower invite suggested to bring two gifts. ?I have two friends who's shower invitations included this "suggestion". ?These showers took place a few years ago...and still, whenever a random shower comes along...the tackiness of these two others is brought up and laughed about.
Now, I've been to a "book shower" and a "onesie shower"... and while some people wouldn't like the constraint of being told what to bring, it is a completely different story than suggesting people bring two gifts.?
My hosts did this at my shower. The poem said something about the book doesn't need to cost more than a card and that it was a optional thing to do.
I'm really glad that they did it. A lot of people wrote sweet little notes to my daughter inside the books, including dh's grandmother, who unexpectedly passed away a year later. I consider that book a beautiful keepsake from her and I really cherish it. It's well worth any thoughts of tackiness, if there were any, to me.
Also, you can get books for less than a card at Target or Joann fabrics. Your friends and family can choose to deduct it from their total gift cost as well.
Not really. I looked in Target for the cheapest book they had for a shower, and that was $3. The book was also poor quality and would fall apart quickly. It also was just a random book- not something that had meaning.
Didn't know Joann Fabrics had a book section, but it's not like they have Goodnight Moon for $2.50.
Kids books are expensive. Even at places like TJ Maxx and Marshalls.
I'm always irritated when the host dictates to guests what to bring as a gift. I always bring the book, but I bring a card too.
I agree with your MIL. I find it a bit tacky, though a lot of people do it.
I'm a fan of the "baby book wishing well" idea. My hosts did that, and I loved it. Got a ton of great books for baby. I'm sure several guests chose not to bring a book- that's totally fine. They didn't HAVE TO.
If people want to bring a book, they will. If they're one of these high-and-mighty 'don't tell me how to spend my money' pearl-clutchers, they won't bring one. They'll gasp at how horridly offensive it is for soon-to-be parents to want to foster a love of reading in their little one, and then spend just as much on a card your LO will never see.
Showers ARE gift-grabby. Let's not kid ourselves. That's the point of a shower, however you may want to disguise it in "celebrate baby", "getting together", whatever. If you call it a 'shower', it's because you want people to help you prepare for baby. Imagine the posts here if people had their shower and no one brought them gifts.
So no, IMO, it's not any more tacky than having a registry, which some could say tells your guests how to spend their money. I think that a registry, like a book wishing well, lets your guests know what you'd LIKE. It's their choice whether to participate.
And FTR, I think everyone who says, "I deduct the price of the book from the price of the gift" or "I just buy a cheaper gift" ARE CHEAP. If things are that tight, then I'd hope you don't buy a card either. You can get a book from the dollar store, or $1 bin at Target. It's not about the money.
Oh how I love the people who post that this was done for their shower and they loved it! Of course you did - you scored a ton of books from people. I am sorry to burst your bubble, but did you ever stop to think that perhaps people possibly thought that when it was done for you it was tacky too? Yeah that's right...just because no one said it to your face doesn't mean someone wasn't annoyed that your hosts asked for it.
So while you are fine with a gift registry, you are totally fine with the idea of essentially asking for two gifts from your guests? Um a registry is a list of suggested gifts. It is a guideline for what you need. Asking for a book instead of card is basically saying "nevermind about the card, while you're at it, I'd like a book too". Its tacky as hell.
If you want books, register for them. No one will "gasp at how horridly offensive it is for soon-to-be parents to want to foster a love of reading in their little one" if there are books on the registry!
And to anyone who might be offended or God forbid be on a budget, we are cheap? Really? You would rather have someone just buy you a piece of crap dollar store book rather than a card?
Just my opinion but I have been to many showers for my good friends who did the bring a book. I had no problem doing it and did not subtract the price of the book from their gift. I did not feel like I am being told what to do or buy, was my choice. The hostess did not make a big deal about who brought a book and who did not. I cared for the people whose shower it was and wanted to do it! May be because we are all teachers and see the importance of reading. I think it just depends on what gets you upset, this was never one that bothered me! I am trying to keep my registry simple and I don't want to add a lot of toys/books on it.
I am more upset when people register for video cameras, and other large items. Thats being tacky! Or asking people to pay to come to a shower---crazy!
To each their own!
I am not a teacher and I see the importance of reading - I just added a few key books to my registry (seriously five at the most) yet I got a ton of books. It was nice and I didn't have to ask for a second present!
Please don't hide behind the "we're teachers so we see the importance of reading". I am an avid reader. I don't have to be a teacher to know the importance of reading. This doesn't give me the right to ask for a second present above and beyond a shower present.
Ok I guess I will just say just it doesn't bother me. I just don't really need to get upset about certain things. We can all have our opinion. Thanks for sharing yours and congratulations on your pregnancy!
Speak for your self...I personally would never give some cheesy paper back book as a gift. Those little made in Taiwan, toxic ink books from the $1 spot are awful and I would never give such a poor quality item as a gift. So if I "had" to bring a book, I would buy a children's classic. A Hardcover, and those are not cheap. We are talking $10-$25. If my total budget is $50, that may be half the gift. Would you rather have a bouncy seat or a book and 2 outfits? I think a lot of people on here would prefer the "needed" item, based on the amount of complaints about "no one bought any of the stuff we needed from our registry"...just sayin'.
Food Allergies to Eggs, Milk, Peanuts, Tree Nuts & Beef
Challenged Soy and tolerated it.
So you should also folks to bring tiny sneakers to instill a love of fitness, and CDs to instill a love of music, and crayons to instill a love of art... because we all know that a baby would NEVER learn to appreciate ANY of these things unless the shower guests took on the responsibility. Uh, yeah.
I have never seen bring a book instead of a card just bring a book and write a message in it if you'd like to type thing.No one is telling guests what to bring...its just like a wishing well filled with a million useless pacifiers and bibs except books are more useful and valuable.
Every shower I have been to in the last few years has done the book thing and I have never spent more than 8 bucks on a book. Hardly the cost of second gift. Besides, it is optional. I have been to showers where the mommy to be got tons of books and gifts. I have also been where she didnt get as many books but no one cared either way.
I have also NEVER seen cheap crappy books given at a shower. Maybe just my experiences but I think it is cute.
If you think its tacky and don't want to purchase a book, then don't. Simple as that. If it bothers you that much, then don't go to the shower. It's sad when people all experiencing the same joy have to knock eachother down.
I had a small sprinkle this time around-the invite poem said something like " please bring a rhyme, poem or book . . ."
some brought a book as the gift
and some added a poem to the card if they bought another gift . .
this worked out really well.
As a teacher and avid reader, I love the idea. If I were a guest, I would get you one of my favorites...Dinner at the Panda Palace. Have fun and Congrats!