Shower "etiquette"??? (mini-vent)

CFH79

While I'm sure there is some basic etiquette to throwing/hosting a shower, it seems like the rules are a little more relaxed than with a wedding shower--am I right?

Anyway, I'm helping to plan my sister's shower (for our family) for the end of August.  She wants her MIL at the shower.  She said it's etiquette.  I was surprised, but whatever, I/we like her MIL, no problem.  But when I expressed surprise at that being "etiquette" she jumped my case saying, well maybe not, but I would like her on the guest list!  Um, I never said she couldn't be, actually I said whatever/whoever you want--it's your shower!

The actual convo went like this:

me: this is for all family, plus MIL, right?

her: yes, that's etiquette

me: really?  I didn't know that, but it's great cause if my MIL can't come to my family shower, she won't get to attend one since SIL is throwing their family shower for me and they don't speak/she won't be invited

her: I don't know if it's etiquette or not, but based on my attendance at showers previously.  Plus, it's in the same town.  No big deal.

me: Hey, whatever/whoever you want.  It's your shower! Plus it's not like we don't know/like MIL.

her: I was just clarifying I want her on the guest list!!

 

Um, someone please tell me what I said that made it sound like I was ever NOT going to invite her?  Really do we need to make up drama over this?

Ok, vent over.  Thanks!

Five Months to Plan

I do not think you did anything wrong or sounded harsh.

At a baby shower though, I do usually see both grandmas if is a family/friends shower. Not anything like that at a work shower though.

CFH79

Thanks!  I truly didn't know that as etiquette, but I don't have many friends who are mommas and can't remember my cousins having their MIL's at our family showers. 

I had asked my mom to invite my MIL for the reasons stated above.  I'm tempted to tell DH that's it's etiquette and ask him to ask his sister to invite MIL to her shower.  But he'd probably tell me no, flat out. He doesn't like to rock that boat.  Me, on the other hand, I'm a little evil.    I just think it's dumb that they don't speak at all. 

Should make for some interesting hospital visits/post baby time

Five Months to Plan

I understand. DH and I our families can not even be in the same room. Each has invited the other mother to the shower though (this is a huge deal for us.) I am not sure what is going to happen at visit baby time, but I have told them all they need to deal with it. I am not trying to take care of a newborn and decided who can come when or deal with their drama.

CFH79

Five Months to Plan:

I understand. DH and I our families can not even be in the same room. Each has invited the other mother to the shower though (this is a huge deal for us.) I am not sure what is going to happen at visit baby time, but I have told them all they need to deal with it. I am not trying to take care of a newborn and decided who can come when or deal with their drama.

Oh yeah.  I've already told DH that I'm not telling one person to leave so another can visit.  They'll have to work that out amongst themselves or just ignore each other if they are there at the same time.  I'm not the referee. 

Lexs4

As far as I know, it is etiquette for the mother's of the mom-to-be and husband to be invited to all family/friends showers.  As PP said, this does not translate to work showers though.  My "work" shower is a pot luck within the department, since I transferred from another dept within the last 2 years, I will be asking that they include those in that dept as well & others I have worked with t/out the company who have moved as well.  Debating whether or not I will make DH suffer thru it or not.  The past 3 showers have been where the guy in our dept is expecting & we throw it for his wife, so they have of course been there. 

missesru

She used the word "etiquette" here when she should have just said "yes, I'd love my MIL to be invited". 

Although something that IS etiquette is that your sister should not be involved in planning her own shower.  Maybe answering some basic questions like who to invite, other than that the shower is a gift to her and not an obligation or right.  Maybe this was the only convo you had with her, but I get the feeling it's not.

In any case... incorrect usage of the word "etiquette".