difficult decisions (also on parenting board)

BostonGayGal

I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember.  After my divorce, I planned to become a single mom by choice, then met a fabulous person which put things on hold.  Now I am married again, and about to turn 35.  We are eager to start inseminations in part because I want at least two children.However, I have problems with sinus congestion headaches that may or may not benefit from surgery.  It is not a simple deviated septum, it is a team of surgeons who will break my nose in multiple places, shave the septum, graft to the septum.  It can't be scheduled before November, and then I will need a month to heal.  One surgeon out of four thinks surgery would probably help with my sinus headaches, but three out of four think that it will improve my breathing. First I need to decide whether to even have the surgery.  If I decide to have it, when?   So many little things to consider beyond just starting in August versus starting in December.  I am angry/sad/frustrated trying to make this decision.  Clearly, I need to make it on my own, but I could really use your perspectives and input. 

JamieFL

I can totally relate to the desire to have a child.  It is a dream that you shouldn't ever let go.

The good news is that you are married to someone special and caring (half the battle) and will be parents together.  That is a blessing in and of itself.

I had DS at 34 because it took 33 years to find "the one".  This little blessing will arrive when I'm 36.  My point is that you have time on your side even if you don't feel like it.

With pregnancy, your sinuses are affected and because of the increase in circulation, it makes your nose very stuffy (especially while lying down and trying to sleep).  My concern would be if you didn't do the surgery for a chance of getting better, what would this make you feel like?  Also, while PG, you may not be able to take some of the meds that you are used to to cure a sinus infection/headache (besides reg Tylenol).  If you breastfeed, the same thing applies.  I had 3 sinus infections in the year that I BF'd my son - couldn't use anything except a Neti Pot and it was miserable.

Maybe the idea of starting the inseminations could be a 2011 resolution instead?  It's not that far away - but this is easier said from me than done by you.  I'm sorry you are in limbo and hope the decision comes to you quickly.

Best of luck!

OscarQ

Not at all the same but I had a delay with doing my IUI's last year.  I was ready to go in October but I was in a leadership program at work and had to travel for the next three months - just a few days a month - but of course it fell in the middle of when I needed to be monitored (Every.Single.Time).  It was so frustrating but I sort of knew it was a possibility so I figured - let's concentrate on work 100% right now and then 2010 is the year I concentrate 100% on getting pregnant.

I also have sinus issues - not nearly as severe as yours sound - and I would get that addressed first.  I think you'll feel better and improving your breathing - well that just sounds like a good idea.  And being a mommy who can breath easier will probably make you a more fun mommy.

And come over to the TTC after 35 board and hang out with us.

Are you with an RE now?  If so, did they say anything about your Ovarian Reserve?

BostonGayGal

I have no known fertility problems so insurance will not cover an RE.  I have no clue about my ovarian reserve.  They did run extensive blood tests at my pre-insemination appointment, and I know my cycle (been using cbefm for two years) but that is all I know.

My first decision is whether to do the surgery, but I know that if I intend to do it I should get it done first ...

Thanks for your perspectives! 

ateytelb

Yes, if the surgery has to be done I would do it first.

OscarQ

Well I guess you have to figure out how much your sinus condition is bothering you (duh, like you didn't know that).  That sounds like rather major surgery but if it would really improve your quality of life, I'd do it.

mwd

IMO, in your situation, I would have the surgery first.  I have DS who will be 2 in Sept. who has brought home a lot of colds and viruses from daycare.  This pregnancy has had a lot of colds for me & DH in the first 4 months, as well as  my allergies are very active now.  So if the surgery would make you feel better before you get pregnant, and/or if the medication that you take for the sinus headaches is not safe to take during pregnancy, then make yourself feel better now before TTC.   Keep in mind that a happy mommy makes a better mommy. 

I tend to take a very proactive role in my health, not a wait & see role.  Just my opinion 

Strunella

I would absolutely get the surgery first.  Then you will be feeling much better as you TTC.  Besides, at almost 35, you really do have time.  I am one of the lucky ones with that pregnancy congestion, and not only do I have trouble breathing at night, I have a chronic cough and have been coughing ever since I've been pregnant.  I can't even imagine what it would be like if I had a pre-existing condition.

ToshaGirl

I think you should have the surgery first BGG. I know that December seems far away, but when it's been and gone you may very well look back and think "well that wasn't as long a time as I thought".

It's just not fun to have to wait at all, but I think you might be very happy to have had it done and over before you get pg.

 

 

monica92603

CathyMD:

I think you should have the surgery first BGG. I know that December seems far away, but when it's been and gone you may very well look back and think "well that wasn't as long a time as I thought".

It's just not fun to have to wait at all, but I think you might be very happy to have had it done and over before you get pg.

This is exactly what I was going to say.  From a different angle then what others have said, when we had our loss last year one of my very first thoughts was "when can I get pg again".  I was in such a rush and since I'd had a c/s, I had to wait even longer.  Once that time had come and gone, I couldn't believe how fast it went and we just weren't ready yet.  It was pretty much the time frame you're talking (loss in July and started trying in December, could have in October or November)

Good luck w/ your decision, but I think I would have the surgery if it is going to help you in the long run.  As someone who has been congested all three of my pregnancies a week before even peeing on the stick, I think it would be best!