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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
If you are only planning on having one child
How did you come to the decision? Do you feel guilty? Regrets? Pros? Cons? DH and I are really struggling with this issue right now and I would love to hear from others who have been there.
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Re: If you are only planning on having one child
It's a hard, hard decision! For us, it's a number of factors. I had to go through IVF. While we still have embryo's on ice, we will have to go through a FET to get PG again.
Then, add on top of it, my age. I'm 40. Do I really want another baby when I'm 41?
Money! We're fine w/ DS, but when I think of the costs of 2 kids - it starts to make my heart race.
Lastly, DH's schedule. He works a job that is 2 weeks on/ 1 week off. He is often home during his "on" weeks, but I can't plan on it. I have to plan on basically being a single mom for 2 weeks at a time. Whenever he's home, I look at as a bonus. The idea of having to do this w/ 2 kids - OMG. Dont' even get me started. It's been hard w/ just one!
We talked about it again this weekend, and I just really feel that it's "one and done".
Yes - I feel guilt. Is it selfish of us to not give DS a siblign? but then again, siblings aren't a guarentee that they'll be close! DH would ideally like another child.
So, yes, it's a huge struggle. But I've had to make myself wipe out all the "noise" (what DH wants, what society tells us we should do, etc) and if I really listen to my gut - I dont' want more kids. I really know that this is the case.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
We had 2 major considerations, our ages and finances. I'm 37 and DH is 40. We can't afford for me to SAH or to have 2 in daycare at the same time. I don't want to wait until DS is 5 for another. I'll be 40 then and quite frankly, I don't think I could do it again. It was hard enough at 35.
If DH and I had met 10 years earlier, we definitely would have more than 1. We're happy with our decision though. DS has tons of cousins and lots of little friends and we love our little family of 3.
We are struggling with this as well. We are both so beat with just one still. I honestly think that if she would EVER start STTN we would change our minds. The thought of going through another YEAR of not sleeping makes my stomach lurch. These are the reasons we are thinking we may be done.
1) The sleep thing...seriously this is huge.
2) It's hard juggling our full time jobs with just one, much less another.
3) I don't want to BF another baby so soon after DD. We're just starting the process of weaning and I am so sick of pumping at work. But I would feel extreme guilt for not BFing my next child when my first got it for so long.
4) Money. We would be ok, but barely.
5) I hated being pregnant and I had a horrible birth experience that left me almost dead....I'm scared to go through that again.
6) This is just my own selfishness, but I don't want to lose pregnancy weight again. I'm just starting to tone up again after a lot of work and I don't want to mess that up right now.
However, we feel like we "should" have one more so DD can have a sibling, and we have a strong desire to be surrounded by our children and grandchildren as we age....I guess it's more of the fact that the short-term stuff is scaring us into overlooking the long-term stuff.
Oh well....there isn't even room for debate about having another until DD is at least 2 anyway.
We are not planning on having any more children. If we have an "oops", we will embrace adding to our family but neither of us are interested in consciously trying to make #2.
The factors that have influenced our decision: 1) we love to travel--having a newborn makes this really difficult 2) we don't have family that live close to us--not having a support system nearby makes it hard for us to ever get a break. If we had family closeby, we would definitely consider having another baby 3) we value our sleep! 4) we are looking forward to DD joining us in travel and other activities when she gets older; having another baby means we have to put these plans on hold until the new baby gets older.
I do sometimes feel guilty for a couple reasons: 1) society seems to expect that we have more than one child and I feel kind of deviant for not wanting another one and 2) I would like for DD to have a sibling.
I'm hoping that DD will have a close relationship with her 2 cousins and also the son of a good friend of mine who is her age. I am going to work hard to encourage these relationships so that she doesn't miss out too much on having a sibling.
There is a great article in a recent Time magazine about this - I don't have link handy - google "Time magazine Only Child" and you should land on it. Basically it explains how the whole "only child = spoiled/weird/lonely/whatever" - is a myth. And - they're fine.
I'm sure you know more than one group of siblings who fight and/or don't speak. Having a sister or brother is no guarantee of closeness.
I worry about my little guy being the only one to have to deal with us when we're old and feeble. I don't worry about him being lonely or weird.
I'm 39, DH is 41 - if we were going to have another one we'd need to do it NOW and I'm just not in that place. If I could have another one when DS was 3 or 4 - that would be ideal. But it's not likely. So our one little boy is probably it, and I will do everything in my power to make sure he is happy and well rounded.
"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame
And while DH says he'd like another, he is also completely happy and content w/ just DS.
Also, DS is really an easy child. I feel kind of spoiled at times. Having so many friends who talk about how #2 was TOTALLY different from #1 gives me nightmares about how we had it so easy, a 2nd would probably end up being a terror!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
We as a couple are thinking one and done, but DD does have a half brother whom does not live with us, but in the same small town. He is 7 she is 13 months.
Let's see if this helps. I am and only child and I always thought I wanted many children. I was always sad that I never grew up in the same home with anyone and wanted that for my children, BUT I loved being an only child as well. I come from a large family otherwise, and my parents are my best friends. For now we are one and done. Do I feel guilty...somedays because I know how lonely it can get, but it also means that you as a parent have to be prepared to entertain your child. There were lots of days and nights of my parents playing games with me after I begged and pleaded. Because of this my parents and I have a strong bond and I love that.