Trouble TTC

Conversation starters

I have tried a few times to talk to my mom about what we are dealing with. Each time, I never know how to start the conversation. My family doesn't really share too much personal information with eachother but it's something I would want my mom to know about ( and hear from me) before anyone else finds out....like my sister who stalks these boards ( not in a mean way,she wants to start trying for a 2nd soon and I think she looks on here to see if she can find me to see what's going on). I don't want to start with "There's something I want to talk about" or "There's something I want to tell you" as those usually put a person on the defensive as they are expecting something life-threatening to follow.

When you tell someone what's going on, how do you start it? I've been trying to see if there's some sort of "in" like if she talks about someone else being KU or something, but so far no such luck.



"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison

Re: Conversation starters

  • My issues have always come up when my mom and I are discussing others being pregnant.  I have a lot of cousins and close friends that are pregnant or just had babies, so my mom is always talking/asking about them.  I've also brought it up by casually mentioning I had a dr's appt, then it progressed from there, when she asked what it was for.  I was nervous to tell my mom because she never had any trouble conceiving, and she's not that knowledgable about infertility procedures and meds (not to mention she's very Catholic, and doesn't believe in science-assisted pregnancies), but she's been supportive, and is learning along the way.  I don't share everything with her...she doesn't know we've done IUI's or what type of medications I've been on.
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  • imageSweetieD21:
    My issues have always come up when my mom and I are discussing others being pregnant.  I have a lot of cousins and close friends that are pregnant or just had babies, so my mom is always talking/asking about them.  I've also brought it up by casually mentioning I had a dr's appt, then it progressed from there, when she asked what it was for.  I was nervous to tell my mom because she never had any trouble conceiving, and she's not that knowledgable about infertility procedures and meds (not to mention she's very Catholic, and doesn't believe in science-assisted pregnancies), but she's been supportive, and is learning along the way.  I don't share everything with her...she doesn't know we've done IUI's or what type of medications I've been on.

    Same with my mom. She had 5 kids with-in a 10 year period ! Every.single.day I wish I was as "fertile" as her Sad My mom is also a very strict Catholic ( went to Parocial School K-12 ) and I'm a bit afraid of what she would say. I want her to know, though, as she's my mom. I know I would be really hurt if my daughter was going through something similar and didn't tell me.



    "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
    "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
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  • I haven't told anyone IRL except for my BFF and she went through IF treatment so I just asked her for the name of her RE and went from there.

    I have thought about telling my mom but I'm just not ready to announce my IF struggles to the family.  DH and I are private people.

    Maybe just start talking to your mom or sister about how long it took them to conceive and ask if they had any troubles, ect..  I think that would lead into a natural conversation about getting tested because you and your DH are having issues and what treatments you will likely go through.

    GL! 

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  • imagerebelina1:

    IMaybe just start talking to your mom or sister about how long it took them to conceive and ask if they had any troubles, ect..  I think that would lead into a natural conversation about getting tested because you and your DH are having issues and what treatments you will likely go through.

    GL! 

    This seems like a good idea to me!

    June 2010-Lap
    b2b Injectable IUI #1 7/25/10 & 7/26/10 = BFP beta 14dpIUI = 133 MC 9/14 at 9 weeks
    b2b Injectable IUI #2 12/5/10 & 12/6/10 = BFN
    IVF #1 ER 3/28/11 ET 3 embryos 3/31/11= BFN
    b2b Injectable IUI#3 6/28/11 & 6/29/11 = BFN
    PAIF/SAIF Welcome :)

    Submitted Adoption Application on 6/1/2011
    Homestudy 7/19/2011
    IVF#2 CX due to Adoption Match
    We were blessed with our daughter through the gift of adoption
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  • imagerebelina1:

    I haven't told anyone IRL except for my BFF and she went through IF treatment so I just asked her for the name of her RE and went from there.

    I have thought about telling my mom but I'm just not ready to announce my IF struggles to the family.  DH and I are private people.

    Maybe just start talking to your mom or sister about how long it took them to conceive and ask if they had any troubles, ect..  I think that would lead into a natural conversation about getting tested because you and your DH are having issues and what treatments you will likely go through.

    GL! 

     My mom was as fertile as it comes ( 5 kids in a10 year span) and my sister took only 9 months to conceive her DD . I'm now thinking I may ask her some questions like asking if there was a family history or m/c's or anything. Hmm..... I have to think this over a bit more.



    "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
    "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
  • STL34STL34 member

    This is a very difficult discussion to start.  I completely understand where you are coming from.  I just told my mom this past weekend that we are planning to do IVF in September.  I haven't spoken to her about our IF troubles before.  We were in the car by ourselves and I just said something to the effect that "Jim and I are having problems conceiving."  She said something to the effect that she thought that might be the case.  And I told her that we have been doing IF testing since before my Lap in March.  That I am seeing a fertility specialist and that he said our best chance would be to move to IVF.  She asked a couple of questions about IVF that I answered.  Then she told me to let her know if I needed anyone around for anything. 

    I was worried that she would have problems with IVF.  My family isn't Catholic, but they are very religious.  But, my mom was just supportive. 

    Good luck speaking to your mom about this!

    imageimage


    ~SAIF/PAIF/Everyone Welcome~ 

    Me= 37 and DH = 41 

    Dx: DOR, Endo, APA+ (really high beta 2 glycoprotein antibody and high everything else tested), heterozygous MTHFR mutation, positive for lupus anticoagulant, high FSH, low AMH and both tubes blocked (per HSG on 3/8/11)

    IVF #1 - long lupron (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 4 retrieved, 3 fertilized; ET 2 blasts and 1 frozen = BFN

    IVF #2 - a version of antagonist with EPP (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized, 2 blasts and 1 frozen blast transferred on day 5 = BFN.

    IVF #3 April was postponed to May, May was canceled. June/July was canceled. Had a cyst aspiration and then began IVF #3 in August. ER on 8/22; ET on 8/24 with AH. +HPT on 9/5. Beta #1 (11dpo) = 3; Beta #2 (15dpo) = 29; Beta #3 (17dpo) = 60; Beta #4 (19 dpo) = 118. Heartbeat at 6 weeks 6 days =132.  Lil is here!

    TTC#2:  Trigger + TI = BFN; Clomid + Trigger + IUI = BFN.

    IVF #4:  BCP + MDLF + Lovenox = 7R, 1F = Transferred 1 6-cell embryo on day 3 = BFN

    IVF #5:  MDLF + Lovenox = 4R, 1F = Transferred 1 10-cell compacting embryo on day 3 = BFN

    IVF #6:  (New RE):  Long Antagonist November 2014 (transferred two 8 cell grade 1 embryos and froze one blast) = BFN

    FET#1:  BFN

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