I went for a walk and to dinner with a friend. I told her about our losses after prefacing with a 'please don't give me the pity face'. She apologized for our losses and we talked a bit more, but the conversation turned to her marital problems, which was fine by me.
End of the evening comes and she says that she read or heard that saying to a cancer patient that you hope they get better or other comments along those lines don't really help and that you should say 'I hope it works out for the best for everyone'.
She then proceeds to say to me, 'so I won't say I hope you get pregnant and have a baby, I'll just say I hope it works out the best for everyone'.
What the what is that supposed to mean? She really is otherwise a good friend, but this comment was a big fail to me.
Re: Oh, so the list of stupid things to say isn't full yet?
Another case of someone trying to fill the air with sounds instead of just shutting the eff up and enjoying some silence.
I hate when people don't think before they speak b/c if she means what I think she means, I want to strangle her.
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
It sounds like she was trying to do the thing that we all hope for the, "Im not going to say 'in god's time' but im sorry." But that turned out as a huge fail into gobble-de-gook of food in mouth.
Im sorry it turned out that way, (((((Hugs)))))
I am just not seeing the logic with this theory. I get that you personally don't have any control over whether a person gets better from cancer or has a healthy pregnancy, but how can you not still hope for those outcomes.
Weird. Just weird.
Missed m/c 11.09 | Missed m/c 3.10 | We miss you & love you so.
~ ~ ~
Formerly toddandjulie
This.. and thats being nice about it.
Exactly.
the way I took it, and I could be wrong and oversensitive, is:
With a cancer patient, odds might not be good for their recovery and she doesn't really have much hope for them, so instead of "I hope you get better" she'd say "I hope it works out for the best"
I think that's pretty callous.I don't even want to write the TTC version b/c it makes me too mad.
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
Totally agree. I felt like she was saying she doesn't have much hope for me, but this was her attempt at saying something that she could tell herself was supportive.
Thanks, Shell. You helped me figure out why it was bothering me. Hopefully now I can start letting it go.
Missed m/c 11.09 | Missed m/c 3.10 | We miss you & love you so.
~ ~ ~
Formerly toddandjulie
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
That comment was a big...BIG fail! You are not sick! I have friend that have no idea what to say too... but come on!
I know you will get pregnant and have a baby!!!
Amateur therapists blow. Just be our FRIEND, not our mental health professional. We've probably got those already!
Julie, I'm sorry that what she said upset you. It sounds like her heart was really in the right place, but the words didn't match up.
Baby Boy Smudgie born 10/4/11
<a href="http://s837.photobucket.com/albums/zz298/triple_sevens/?action=view
Exactly this. Well said. People don't know when to shut up.
BFP 12/18/2009. HB 1/4/2010. NO HB 1/18/2010. D&C 1/19/2010
April 2011 IUI #1 BFN. High FSH and other issues.
May 2011 Chose to build our family through adoption
September 2011 Actively waiting for a match
11/26/11 Surprise BFP * DD born 7/23/12