NE1 else go back and forth about having #2?

LSR

Some days I think I would like a second child and other days I am perfectly content with one.

I guess on the days I don't want a second is due to living space, cost of daycare for 2 and I need to work FT. I also remember how tough the first few months (or year!) are and then to also have a toddler.

But then other days I think it would be great to have a second.

My "maternal age" is advanced and I feel the pressure to make a decision sooner than later.

Anyone else struggle with this or is it you just know one way or the other if you want more than one?

pharmacygirl

I have always known that I want 3 kids.  But after I had the DS1, I did second guess myself because of a lot of the same reasons as you.  My mom told me that you will never regret the kids that you have and you will only regret the ones that you did not have.  She loves that she had 3 but not that she is older she wishes she would have had more.  I will say the second child is a lot cheaper especially if they are the same sex.  I reused all of DS1's big stuff for DS2 - carseat, crib, swing etc....  I still don't know how we can handle 3 kids but I figure that we will do what we have to do.  But yeah - I have not really slept all night in like 3 years. 

lkaylee721

I don't struggle with it, I know we want more.  I was talking to my sister about having more kids the other day (she's pg with #4) and we were saying how we're not really baby people even though we want a lot of kids.  But babies are temporary and people are forever.  I guess what I'm saying is that just becuase the first year is hard doesn't really mean anything to me.  I'm not really keen on anything in the first year but I know that later in life when I have my family come back for thanksgiving or christmas I want a lot of people around the dinner table!

EastCoastBride

Blah - where to start.  First, I could have written this post myself!  I have been going back and forth on this for awhile. 

Here's the thing - I think I know in my gut that I only want one.  But then I let a lot of external "noise" in and it starts making me question.  The noise being I always thought I'd have 2, my DH wanting 2, wanting DS to have a sibling, feeling like I'm being selfish if I don't, and so forth.

But when I force myself to remove the noise and really think about what *I* want - I want one.  I love being a mom, I adore DS more than words can say.  but it's hard.  A part of this is our schedule - if DH worked a normal 9 - 5 job and if I could possibly work PT instead of FT, I might actually be more likely to say "lets have another".

But due to our schedules - I spend a lot of time w/ DS alone, and getting out and about w/ him (to visit friends, go to parties, etc) is hard becasue it's often just ME w/ him because DH has to work. 

When I think about down the road, and school, activities, etc (on top of my working FT), it just overwhelms me at the thought of having to juggle all this w/ 2 kids.

I truly can't imagine doing it w/ 2.  I really, really can't. 

And it's also about my instinct to be a mom.  I don't feel the 'need' to have more kids, and never felt that draw w/ even having just one.  If I hadn't had kids at all, I would have been fine. 

So, yes, I struggle, and I think the answer is "one".  (DH, by the way, is on board w/ whatever I decide.  While he'd like 2, he's fully aware of all the issues)

 

Paris05

LSR:

Some days I think I would like a second child and other days I am perfectly content with one.

I guess on the days I don't want a second is due to living space, cost of daycare for 2 and I need to work FT. I also remember how tough the first few months (or year!) are and then to also have a toddler.

But then other days I think it would be great to have a second.

My "maternal age" is advanced and I feel the pressure to make a decision sooner than later.

Anyone else struggle with this or is it you just know one way or the other if you want more than one?

I could have written this post. I am right there with you. I am 38 and my DS will be 39 in November. We are certainly not "old" but my dr also agrees if we want another one we should start to think about it more seriously.

Some days I want to be pregnant and look forward to a new baby. Then I think back to the early days when my DS was colicky and had bad acid reflux and all that crying for hours and hours and then deciding we can't take it anymore so we pack him up at 2AM and get in the car in a snowstorm and it's 20 below and we are exhausted but we drive b/c that is the ONLY thing that will stop the crying. And then all the night wake ups until he was 17 months old....and the pain after he was born due to bad tears with a forcep delivery and months of PT to get back to normal, whatever the heck normal is

But then I look at my DS and he is such a happy boy and makes me smile and laugh and i just love him so much. I also think about my relationship with my brother who I am very close to and I want to give my DS a sibling.

Yes I go back and forth..alot. I took the first step though and went off the pill a little over a month ago.

Paris05

LSR:

Some days I think I would like a second child and other days I am perfectly content with one.

I guess on the days I don't want a second is due to living space, cost of daycare for 2 and I need to work FT. I also remember how tough the first few months (or year!) are and then to also have a toddler.

But then other days I think it would be great to have a second.

My "maternal age" is advanced and I feel the pressure to make a decision sooner than later.

Anyone else struggle with this or is it you just know one way or the other if you want more than one?

I could have written this post. I am right there with you. I am 38 and my DS will be 39 in November. We are certainly not "old" but my dr also agrees if we want another one we should start to think about it more seriously.

Some days I want to be pregnant and look forward to a new baby. Then I think back to the early days when my DS was colicky and had bad acid reflux and all that crying for hours and hours and then deciding we can't take it anymore so we pack him up at 2AM and get in the car in a snowstorm and it's 20 below and we are exhausted but we drive b/c that is the ONLY thing that will stop the crying. And then all the night wake ups until he was 17 months old....and the pain after he was born due to bad tears with a forcep delivery and months of PT to get back to normal, whatever the heck normal is

But then I look at my DS and he is such a happy boy and makes me smile and laugh and i just love him so much. I also think about my relationship with my brother who I am very close to and I want to give my DS a sibling.

Yes I go back and forth..alot. I took the first step though and went off the pill a little over a month ago.

TexasLadyBug

When we decided to have number two I picked to be a SAHM because by the time taxes would have been taken out of my paycheck, then paying full time daycare for two what I would bring home would not be with it to me. My husband makes plenty for me to be able to stay home so it is working out great for my family.

Sure the friends few months were hard, but now I love it. DS is so fun and playful. I just keep in mind that in the long run I want large family gathering. I want my kids to have each other when my husband and I pass away. Times can be tough and the beginning but as you know time goes by so fast.

We are taking it one pregnancy at a time, but right now we would love to have four. We are pregnant with our second right now.  

lovemytwoboys

We struggled with it, or rather talked about it briefly before the decision was made for us.

Right before we found out we were pregnant with DS2, we were talking about the possibility of stopping with one. This completely surprised everyone around me, because I have always wanted 3 kids (though DH and I had compromised on 2). I just loved DS1 so much and felt like our family could have been complete with just him. But surprise! Now we have two boys to love and make our family complete. I couldn't imagine not seeing the love between these 2 boys ... one of the greatest things ever!

Soon2BMrsN

Yep, we both do.  Just this morning, DH said, "let's be done" and I was like "no way!"  Tomorrow, it'll be the opposite.

 

LynnJones

Sort of.  Deep down I know I want another one, well we both do.  But I'm so so so content with just Casey right now and a lot of other things weigh in on baby #2 such as our house is tiny and I work full time so not sure if my sitters would want an additional baby to look after. 

I used to think we'd start trying again when Casey was 2 but as it gets closer I think maybe just wait til our finances are better and we are in a bigger house.  I change my mind weekly though so who knows

macchiatto

I definitely wanted at least two kids (though I did not expect to have two at the same time!) but I do go back and forth about having a third. I feel like we have a year or so to decide though. I think at this point, I'm more ready to consider another than DH is so I think we'll just wait till the boys are 2 and then re-visit the issue of if and when. I'm the third of four kids and cannot imagine life without my siblings, so I definitely wanted at least two kids (even though yeah, it's definitely harder, more work, more expensive, all that good stuff, but also more fun!).

Temp856430000003146

lkaylee721:

But babies are temporary and people are forever.  I guess what I'm saying is that just becuase the first year is hard doesn't really mean anything to me.  I'm not really keen on anything in the first year but I know that later in life when I have my family come back for thanksgiving or christmas I want a lot of people around the dinner table!

This is a great perspective, thanks for posting it. You're right, I've been delaying TTC mostly because of the stress a newborn puts on me.... especially now that I have a toddler. But, deep down I know I want 2 kids. And the newborn stage is only temporary. 

*sallymad*

Dh and I always thought we wanted 3-4 kids but I get so sick when I'm pregnant that, unless they come out with some miracle drug for m/s, we are stopping at two now. 

Right after we found out we were pregnant we said (more than a few times) wth were we thinking?? We were perfectly happy with just one! lol I know it sounds cold hearted but I'm sure once the new baby is here we'll forget we ever said that : ) 

LSR

EastCoastBride:

Blah - where to start.  First, I could have written this post myself!  I have been going back and forth on this for awhile. 

Here's the thing - I think I know in my gut that I only want one.  But then I let a lot of external "noise" in and it starts making me question.  The noise being I always thought I'd have 2, my DH wanting 2, wanting DS to have a sibling, feeling like I'm being selfish if I don't, and so forth.

But when I force myself to remove the noise and really think about what *I* want - I want one.  I love being a mom, I adore DS more than words can say.  but it's hard.  A part of this is our schedule - if DH worked a normal 9 - 5 job and if I could possibly work PT instead of FT, I might actually be more likely to say "lets have another".

But due to our schedules - I spend a lot of time w/ DS alone, and getting out and about w/ him (to visit friends, go to parties, etc) is hard becasue it's often just ME w/ him because DH has to work. 

When I think about down the road, and school, activities, etc (on top of my working FT), it just overwhelms me at the thought of having to juggle all this w/ 2 kids.

I truly can't imagine doing it w/ 2.  I really, really can't. 

And it's also about my instinct to be a mom.  I don't feel the 'need' to have more kids, and never felt that draw w/ even having just one.  If I hadn't had kids at all, I would have been fine. 

So, yes, I struggle, and I think the answer is "one".  (DH, by the way, is on board w/ whatever I decide.  While he'd like 2, he's fully aware of all the issues)

 

 

ALL of this. I also struggled terribly with PPD/PPA/OCD after my son was born. Just now I feel like I am starting to get things under control and the drugs I am on are not pregnancy "friendly". I too feel selfish for thinking I only want one so I can still have some time for myself (what little time it is!).

Just b/c you give them a sibling doesn't mean they'll be best friends, but doesn't mean they won't either. I would also love to have a daughter, but that may not happen either.

My DH tends to work a lot of weekends too for his job and I can't imagine handling 2 by myself along with working FT, the house etc. It completely overwhelms me. I think in my heart I am happy with one and DH is good with whatever. I don't know why right now it is such a struggle for me.

LSR

I also feel like we would only have #2 if it was a "surprise!" But that's kinda hard when you're on birth control.

AmyCC1980

I used to say that I wanted 3 kids (and on rare days sometimes I still do) but right now I am wondering if we can even handle a second LO.  I guess DD is old enough now that people have started asking when we are going have another, and to be honest I just can't see it happening anytime soon. 

I still struggle with being a FT WM.  I feel stressed, pulled in a million directions and I never feel like I have enough time with DD.  I can't imagine how hard it would be with two LOs.  At this point I would only consider having a second child if I could SAH.  Since being a SAHM is not a possibility right now another child is off the table for the time being...and maybe forever.  It makes me sad to think that I might never get to have another baby, but I don't think it is wise to put my marriage and sanity at risk for another one right now. 

jenn_darrin1515

macchiatto:

I definitely wanted at least two kids (though I did not expect to have two at the same time!) but I do go back and forth about having a third. I feel like we have a year or so to decide though. I think at this point, I'm more ready to consider another than DH is so I think we'll just wait till the boys are 2 and then re-visit the issue of if and when. I'm the third of four kids and cannot imagine life without my siblings, so I definitely wanted at least two kids (even though yeah, it's definitely harder, more work, more expensive, all that good stuff, but also more fun!).

This (except dh & I have 3 kids in our families).  having two kids is definetly craziness & expensive...but I wouldn't change it for the world...DH & I decided when the girls are 2 we will make a decision about ttc...wouldn't want them any closer than 2 years 9 months since that's when the dcp costs go down in our area...