Bad Influences

MLvK

What do you do when your child's friends are a bad influence?   I realize that I am a tad bit more anal retentive than most people, but some of our neighbors kids' behaviors are starting worry me.    At this point, Evie is starting to copy some of these behaviors.

Today she copied:

taking a bite out of something, throwing it in the grass then going for another piece of the same food.

throwing sand outside of her sandbox.

climbing on top of her cozy coupe

She wouldn't have thought of these things if she hadn't seen other kids doing it.    How do you handle this?  I can't say she can't play with them.  They are our neighbors.   And she loves these kids.    

I am worried about her playing with the girl who is constantly back talking.   If she picks that up, I am going to lose it.  

UGAbride

LOL, if those are the things that worry you, thank goodness Evie doesn't know J & E, you'd run for the hills   Just kidding, not that I love these kinds of behaviors, but they are a daily occurrence in this household...and they aren't copied, they think of them all on their own - how wonderful!! 

I think you just treat it as you would any undesirable behavior, whether you do warnings, timeouts, whatever.  When my boys start throwing sand, I cover the sand table.  If they climb on the cozy coupes, I put them in the basement, etc...I'm all about natural consequences when it makes sense, and it has definitely curbed some of the annoying behaviors...of course they just find more  

noyoucomehere

I think you just have to deal with it as a part of her learning how to handle different people. I know it's a PITA but she IS going to copy people and do things you don't like for years to come. You just have to use these opportunities to make it clear what you expect from her.

The back talking is lovely. Audrey turns into a monster when her cousins come over. We have lots of conversations about what it means to respect other people and what behaviors and words are/aren't okay. I don't ever talk about other kids' actions with her; just hers. We usually have 1-2 days of trying to get back our old kid when they've come to visit.

dbryson

I try to somewhat limit the exposure if possible and then talk about it after.  For example when Ridge gets hit by one of two people he gets upset.  So then when he hits/throws/etc I flip it on him and ask him how it makes him feel when "so and so" does it to him.  That is how it makes it feel when you hit/throws/etc at someone else.  

There was another kid in his class that was pretty rough and had to go to the Director's office a lot.  Ridge is very verbal and would give me play by play recaps so we would discuss feelings a lot and being a good boy.

MLvK

I know I sound painfully anal.   I really am, too.   Uptight and parenting don't really go together. 

Also, I have yet to learn how to tune out loud noises.   I have a really hard time in large play groups because I can't turn down the volume internally.  

slwprincess

Yeah, this is pretty normal and is only going to get worse as she gets older.  Trust me, Gavin has picked up his share of bad behaviors at daycare and we pretty much just do what the PP's suggest- treat it like any other undesirable behavior.  And I will discipline for it right in front of the other kids or even their parents.  They may not want to enforce it with their own kids and that is totally fine, but they WILL see me enforce it with my own.  Then when we are alone afterwards, we talk about why that kind of thing is not good (dangerous, yucky, rude, etc) and that we shouldn't do things that others do when we know we shouldn't.  Oh, and I don't think I've ever learned to tune out the loud noises either.  There are some days when I walk into his classroom and I really can't even think of what all I need to sign him out, clean out cubby, get daily sheet, etc. b/c the music, laughing, screaming, whatever is so loud.  And I'm really worried about how I'm going to deal with it when I have 2 of my own