Name Question..

Alicia_22

For those of you with a failed match. Did you or would you still use the name you were planning on using if/when you got matched again with the same gender? We were matched with a baby boy and we of course had a name picked out. When he was born, we didn't really call him by his name except when I sent a picture to my parents and siblings but our caseworker and all of our family & friends called him by our name. The birthparents changed their minds before they signed the papers and we never took custody but now the name we had picked out is sad to me. It's only been a month but I just don't think I can use that name. What did you do or what do you think you would do? Also now I'm afraid of picking out another name ( if we get matched with the same gender) and telling the birthparents/our caseworker/etc the name and the same thing happening again. I'm thinking about just saying we have a few names in mind but don't really have a definite one yet but once the baby is born, I'm not sure that will work! I'm probably really over analyzing this but I'm just curious what your ideas/opinions are on the subject. TIA!

amm78

I can definitely see why it would make you sad to think about using that name with a new baby.  But, for me, I have names picked out that are very special to me and that honor my grandparents.  I just think that I would have to use those names even if I was in a situation like yours.  Although I guess I can't know for sure unless it happens to me.

 

I don't see why you can't just say that you are considering several names.

mcmann05

I can see me being like that. I don't think I'd be able to use the same name but that's just me. I'm only using sentimental names as mn's but I can see where that would be an issue if I were using them for fn's. Can't help ya there.

MayDayGirl

The first match we had picked out a name and decided not to use it again.  But failed match #2 we had in May we had picked out a name and would have used it for match #3 in June, though that failed too. 

We will still use the name if we love it the most but we are starting to throw around other names again.

I think it is different for the failed matches on the other side of already being a mom (match #1 was before we had our DS) because I associated the name with a baby I wanted. Where as now babies are less concrete in my mind because I have a son who is very concrete.

We haven't shared the name with anyone though, which makes it easier to use.  

I would def suggest just saying you haven't picked a name yet.

Amy720

We were matched with a BM in only her 3rd month of pregnancy and we were matched for about 2 months before it fell through.  We never did learn the gender during that time, but we did have a boys and girls name picked out.

The name we had picked out for the first match for a boy we did use for our adoption.  I love the name Ben and always wanted to use it.  It doesn't bother me although my situation is a lot different because we never knew the gender or got really close to that first baby becoming ours.

I would do what you are comfortable with and if hearing that name is a sad reminder I would probaly use another one.

MrsKolasa

We had picked a name for our failed match that we loved. It was Noah.

We obviously didn't use it for DS, but I agree with Rachel, Noah was the baby we were dreaming of. Now that we have Luke, we would probably use a name even if we had planned on using it with a failed match.

GLynn2009

We called DD "baby" for a long time even though she was already born and had a name. We discussed names but as the process took longer and long our naming DD became harder since she knew her old name. We were asked to keep DD's first name which I do not like but we came to a compromise and Gina is now Ginalynn and it fits her. We changed her middle and last name to what we would have named her if we would have brought her home within the first year of her life. Ginalynn has two last names but her middle name is the last name my DH was born with. DH was adopted by his step-father at 3 and did not know until he was 17. DH has a relationship with all his family but is sad that he does not have his orginal last name like his half brothers.

amberfernandez

We had a boy name and a girl name picked out before failed match #1.  We decided not to change our names for any future matches.  We felt like we lost a baby after the failed match, and we weren't going to let it take the names we loved with it too.  It gave us some control over an impossible situation by sticking with our names and not letting anyone else take those from us.  It worked out that our sticky match was a different gender, but we would have used the same name if it worked out that way.

mrsdrkwaver

We were matched last year with the same gender we are matched with now. When we were matched I never called her by the name we chose and it is a name my husband chose way back in highschool. So i don't want to take that away from him. He always said he wanted a child by the name of Charlotte Ann. I love the name so no baby will be called that by me until the papers are signed so that it is not tarnished. Some of my friends and family had callled the last baby that name but thats ok with me. This baby will be Charlotte if its signed. Its hard to keep your chosen name a secret cause I knwo the caseowrk and mom wanted to know the name. Some moms want to talk it out and be part of that process so I think giving a few choices that you like is a good way to go about.  Also some moms want to put the name you choose on the certificate so it might be hard to avoid.  Good luck do what you think it is comfortable for you I think moms are are understanding. i would tell her why you have not decided its good to they see you are human.  good luck

Alicia_22

Thanks for all of your responses! I think we are going to have some ideas and then just decide once the baby is born. If the BM and Caseworker insist on knowing the name, we will tell but will not call the baby by that name until at least the papers are signed. ( not sure about the 10 day revocation period yet..) The name we had picked out before will still stay on the list. I'm hoping that if we are matched with another boy and he looks like that name, I'll be able to use it. If not, we will have another one picked out to use!