anyone else becoming apathetic?

mrs.monica

My sweet DH is trying to be optimistic this cycle with all the RE interventions we are doing, and the meds, but I'm just fed up with any sort of optimism myself.  I am also a bit annoyed RE is recommending we do trigger + TI 3-4 cycles before moving on.  I just have no feelings...just feel numb.  I wish I could read the graduates check-ins and imagine me on them one day, but I just can't.  Anyone else go through bouts of this?  What do you do to get over it or ignite some optimism?

Mrs. Mo

UGH ! I hear ya! Practically every cycle DH is all optimistic and excited. Even when a cycle is a bust, he is optimistic that the next one will be it. It never ends with him. Sometimes, I just wish that he would take it down a few notches and be depressed with me.

LnR70707

I do...usually the 2ww gets me a little hopeful on its own....so I figure I can be un-optimistic while waiting to O.   If I am really down I just focus on moving to IVF and knowing we will have a real chance in the fall.

kc_nyc

Absolutely! Some days I am full of optimism and hope (those days are rare lately), some days I am so down in the dumps it is hard to focus on anything and there are other days when I don?t (or can?t) care any longer. I just try to think about all the good things in my life (mostly DH and how much fun we have together despite going through all this) and just try to ?suppress? all my negative feelings... I have mentioned this before here, but I recently purchased a book called ?Conquering Infertility.? I have found it so helpful ? the author talks about coping strategies. Keep your chin up!!

lyse2143

Well, before the surgeries, I was just like whatever its not going to happen. I was not hopeful at all, and DH was. I think now we will both be hopeful because we're hoping his swimmers improve tremendously! We will operate with optimism, but I will fully expect it to take a few cycles. 

magnolia_femme

I totally hear you.  I can't picture the BFP, much less the baby.  I'm trying to stay in sort of a "whatever happens happens" mindset to stave off the pessimism, but it's hard.

If it makes you feel any better, I have high hopes for you!  ((hugs))

soon2Bmrs.AGEE

I am right there with you. I have very little hope these days and when I do it seems I get the rug pulled out from under me and am left with no hope again. Its a vicious cycle. I am so thankful for my DD but I too feel like I will never have another success story. It's getting hard to see myself pregnant again and its depressing. I try to get past it by continuing to move forward and not giving up, even though I really want to some days.

ETA: I was talking to a friend of mine who had dealt with SIF a while back and she shared the scripture in my siggy with me. She told me she kept it around during her IF struggles and it helped her when she was feeling less then optimistic. It seems to help remind me not to give up and all this effort will pay off in His time.

dicer2

I agree with magnolia, I can't even imagine a baby at this point.  It does not seem like it will ever happen.  I try to focus on the other parts of my life to avoid thinking about TTC all the time.

mikeandangie

I am with ya right now. I just don't see it happening for us anytime soon. I am having a hard time picturing it at all. I am somewhat concerned about the lap and what they'll find, but that's mostly a concern for my health, if that makes sense. I am not really depressed, I think. I eat well, sleep well and in general genuinely enjoy life. I am just sort of numb about TTC and not at all excited to research stuff anymore. Running helps me a lot and generally keeping busy with my hobbies (photography, baking) or getting out of the house to do stuff with DH or friends do take my mind off of it.

((hugs))

Temp356619000002780

Lately I can't picture a BFP. I was very optimistic for this IUI, but now I'm not and I know it's just my emotions. I hope to be back to normal soon. Whatever normal is...

MaybeBaby2

I'm definitely there. We barely had sex this past cycle because I'm so apathetic now. Though now that I'm done with my period I'm ready to have sex again!
We've done all we're going to do to have another baby, we're on our own now. The only way that baby is going to be created is if we have sex. Duh.
I might even do a some OPK's (I no longer temp).

utgirl2

Like you, I feel numb during and after the TWW.  I think I've seen so many BFN's it doesn't phase me anymore, and I don't expect anything.  I don't think I'll have any optimism until I see 2 lines.  I just don't want to get my hopes up.

Ladybug71109

I agree as well! I used to be the optimistic one while DH was very level headed about the whole thing. After getting the results of his SA (low morphology) I guess I just resigned myself to the idea that this isn't going to happen naturally. This cycle, I actually ovulated on DH's bday while we were on our "last hoorah cruise", so he's convinced this was our month. Me...not so much. Just ready for the 15th when we finally meet with the RE and get moving.

loloindiego

(((hugs))) I know exactly how you feel. My dh is constantly the optimistic one and I just can't even imagine ever seeing 2 lines on an HPT. And like others have said I can't even picture myself having a baby in the house anymore. When we first started trying I always imagined our baby, the nursery, what I would look like pregnant.. now I hardly ever think of those things.  

I don't really have any advice as far as igniting optimism because I suck at that lately. Just try to focus on the positives you have in your life. And actually, the only times I am really truly optimistic is when I'm starting a new treatment.. so my first try at clomid was exciting, and my first IUI. Try to focus on having something new to try & hopefully it will work out!

STL34

I am right there with you Mrs.Monica.  I have absolutely no optimism.  I can't picture getting a BFP, being PG or having a child anymore.  My DH is much more optimistic than me.  He is always asking if our timing is good this month, when I will test, etc. 

I am hoping that I will become optimistic again when we start IVF!  I really don't have any advice about how to get optimism back.  I hope you find some.  Best of luck to you!

mrs.monica

You ladies are awesome.  Although it sucks to feel like we do, it helps so much that I have all of you to understand and commiserate with me.  3T has been a lifesaver for my journey.  ::many hugs::.  Here's hoping we're all wrong and BFPs will fall from the sky soon.