Is everyone's toddler as bad in church as mine?

cops_wife

Actually, she's not really being bad at all, just being 2. She just never stops. She jabbers away the whole Mass, talking about the shapes she sees on the wall or asking us to write letters for her on her Magna Doodle and then loudly identifying them when we do. We take a whole bag of books and quiet toys (like crayons and stickers and paper), but nothing we do gets her to quiet down. Well, except giving her food. Then she's quiet while she's stuffing it in her mouth. So today she had grapes, fruit snacks, raisins and a cereal bar during Mass (after a huge breakfast). This week was worse than most, though, because there was a baptism during Mass, so it was longer than normal. We take her out when she really gets disruptive, but I want her to learn how to behave in church. Other than not take her to church, which isn't really an option, I'm not really sure what to do about it.

Moesten

Once she turned one or so we stopped bringing her into the sanctuary with us. She either goes to the childcare that is available or we sit in the cry room. I will bring her back in when she is 3 or so. IMO, K is too young to be expected to behave properly during mass. Sorry that's not more helpful to you. Just letting you know how we handle it.

KYmama9286

My SIL had a similar problem w/ her DD--not really being bad just being a normal curious/talkative 2 year old so she started to practice w/ her everyday just sitting still quietly. She would start w/ a small amount of time like just sitting in a chair quietly w/o playing for 1 minute (which is like an eternity w/ a 2 year old) and over time Elly Beth was able to sit for 10 minutes perfectly still and quiet with her hands folded in her lap so that when she was in church she was able to play quietly because she had learned to be still (which isnt even what they "required" during church just sitting quietly and playing/looking at books which compared to sitting still is much easier)

teacherjess

I have no solutions. We tried going to a local fellowship a few weeks ago to see if we liked it, and Leah screamed bloody murder when we tried to leave her in the nursery. So we tried bringing her in, but she talked in a very loud voice ("What's that!? What's that?! It's bright! What she doing?") and we ended up having to leave. Our solution is that we'll wait a few months and try again. I think at their age it's unreasonable to expect them to be quiet for that long. Heck, I can barely stay quiet for that long.

gandcnky

I know Brady's younger, but we have banished ourselves to the back of church for right now.  He just wants to yell and "talk" loudly, and he wants to be able to crawl around and bounce.  Giving him things to eat helps him, too, but I don't want to do that all the time.  I know that's no help, but I think it's just the way things are at this age.  FWIW, a couple weeks ago before mass started, B waved to an older woman who was lighting votives, and she said he was so cute and well behaved.  We told her he just gets loud and that we're in the back of church for the forseeable future.  She said, "No!  You need to sit in church.  God wants to hear what he has to say!"  I thought that was cute.

JLPT830

Caleb has been the EXACT same way the last couple of weeks.  My biggest issue is that he won't let DH hold him when we stand and he likes to see what's going on on the altar.  This has been fine, but now he's up and down and it's getting harder for me to hold him when he wiggles and it's just going to get worse as I get bigger.  So we just sit towards the back and I try all the same things you have said.  Just know it's not just you!  I've had a few people approach me after mass or at the festival last weekend and tell me how well behaved they think he is during church (and this was after a huge meltdown last Sunday) so I feel like it's more my issue than anyone else's.  If he gets really disruptive one of us takes him out in the lobby where we are behind doors but can still hear and see what's going on.

linzpinz14

I don't really have any advice, because I leave Cecelia in the nursery.  But I have brought her into the sanctuary during communion and for the 10-15 minutes that lasts, she is loud and squirmy and I am sweating the whole time trying to keep her quietish. 

I am not Catholic.  Do they have nurseries or Sunday School during mass?  Are children of all ages expected to sit with everyone during mass?  If so, are all Catholic churches the same way?  I am genuinely interested in the answers to this.

LoriZ

linzpinz14:

I am not Catholic.  Do they have nurseries or Sunday School during mass?  Are children of all ages expected to sit with everyone during mass?  If so, are all Catholic churches the same way?  I am genuinely interested in the answers to this.

Most parishes have a nursery during at least one of the Masses.  It's definitely not assumed that everyone will use that option, though.  Even when it's available, it's not used by the majority.  Most parishes also have some sort of religious education available beginning around three years.  Sometimes it's offered during Mass; sometimes it's offered at another time.  It just depends on the parish.  Some parishes also have a "children's liturgy" during at least one Mass where the kids roughly age four to second grade leave for part of the Mass to do their own age-appropriate thing.  Most churches also have a "cry room."  Families can sit there with other families with loud-ish kids.  In my experiences the cry room is so loud that you don't really get anything out of the Mass, and a lot of them are too small for the demand and fill up quickly.

Honestly, I absolutely love the Catholic faith and will never convert, but I can understand why people either stop attending Mass or convert when they have small children.  I don't think it's a religion that deals well with the realities of toddlers and preschoolers.  Most priests seem to expect parents to keep their children quiet and still for the entire Mass.  I know our priest expects us to remove disruptive kids from the church until they calm down again.  I just feel like everyone is staring at us if we take too long to either calm Allison down or get her out of there.

Anyway, to answer the original question, we have good weeks and bad weeks.  We aren't above bribery.  If Allison is good, we go buy a donut for her after Mass.  She fully understands this concept, and it helps sometimes.  We always pack Cheerios and a few books.  She has a Curious George Colorforms type-of-thing that she can only play with at church.  We also sit in back so she can be a little more---um, herself--without being a distraction.