If you've read (and use) The Explosive Child come in please!

MediaBride

I'm at my wits end with DS and his behavior problems!  This book was rec'd to me by a few people and I'm about 2/3 through it.  2 large problems so far:

1)  DS is only 3.  I don't think he totally understands what I'm trying to do - coming to a compromise that works for both him and me.  he doesn't get it, so trying to sit down and have a "conversation" with him while he's kicking, hitting and throwing things has been less than easy.

2)  DH doesn't get it either.  Time out, going to his room, losing privledges, toys etc... none of it makes a difference to DS.  He doesn't care (or just can't control himself enough to think before he acts).  DH thinks what I'm trying to do is a bunch of "BS" (according to him).  He thinks that by not "punishing" him, we are creating a monster and that it's then OUR fault that he acts this way.  I keep asking him to read the book b/c it addresses this thought but he refuses.  Now every time DS acts up, DH looks at me and says, "What does your book say about that, huh?"

 I need help!  I swore I would NEVER have a house that needed to be on Nanny 911 and I feel like we are slowly becoming THOSE people!!  Everything is routine, he knows what is expected of him and what he is not allowed to do (throwing, hitting, kicking etc) yet he continues to do these things over and over again.  No punishment matter, and talking isn't helping either.

Thoughts?  Insight?  It will get better??  I feel like such a horrible parent b/c clearly he is unhappy too.  The crazy thing is that as long as he's not having these tantrums, he's a very happy and social little boy.  I'm lost... 

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have you thought about family therapy - with a therapist who works with at-risk children (at risk for emotional or behavior disabilities)? I used to tutor kids from this program in Northern VA: https://www.insteppc.com/ -- it gives you an idea of what I mean.And even if he is not at risk - sometimes books don't cut it - esp if you and DH are not on the same page.

I am glad you are reading and looking into solutions - that is a really important step. don't give up.

#6

Just curious but did this behavior just start or gotten worse since ds#2 has become mobile?  

It could be as easy as just wanting/needing attention.  Negative attention is the best too because everything stops and all the attention is on him.  Doesnt matter that he is in trouble and did something wrong...he wants all the focus on him.  

I can generally tell when one of my kids need one on one time.  L is very needy when it comes to attention.  Even as little of me stopping what Im doing and playing/talking to him for 10mins in the evening will calm him down and keep him from acting out (mainly towards his sisters because he knows that gets my attention whey they start screaming that he hit/took a toy/called a name etc to one of them)  

I have never heard of the book or what its basic idea is about.  I just ordered a book called Parking Lot Rules.  Not sure about it either but a few people were talking about it on here so I thought I would give it a read.