FFFC

Schwandy

I feel like it makes me a bad person but I think when my mom dies neither my sisters nor I will be sad about her death.

I will be sad for the fact that she had to live such a miserable existence and lost the love and respect of her children.  I hate that I feel like this but she is really such a horrible person that I don't think I'll be able to forgive her even in death. 

Mrs_Liberto

If that's flammable then please torch me too. My sister and I can't stand our mother.

Schwandy

Mrs_Liberto:

If that's flammable then please torch me too. My sister and I can't stand our mother.

Glad I don't stand alone with this one and I'm sorry you have to feel that way too about your mom.  

mrsadamc 05

This FFFC just makes me sad for you and LIb and your sisters.  It has to be hard to have a mom that you don't want to be in touch with. 

But I would never flame someone for personal relationships, there is just so much background info that we don't know. 

joanithegreat

I don't know your back story, but I don't think that you are a bad person for feeling this way .  Just because someone gives birth, it doesn't make them a mother.

Schwandy

joanithegreat:

Just because someone gives birth, it doesn't make them a mother.

Exactly. It took me having my own children to realize this. 

Mrs_Liberto

I tend to lean more agnostic (although I went to a very conservative Pentecostal college), but I firmly believe some higher power sent my sister and I "substitute" moms in the form of both our mother in laws.

My MIL is one of my best friends and I know my sister says the same for her MIL. Schwandy, I hope you have a momma figure in your life somewhere too-- my MIL restored my faith in my ability to become a good mom despite how I was raised.

californiastars

I don't think that is flameable. I think there are a lot of people that have horrible relationships with their parents and aren't really sad when they die. My aunts were all torn up when my grandfather died, my dad not so much. My grandfather was a horrible person so my dad (and us kids) weren't sad when he died. 

murphyec

me too.  I sometimes think I will feel relieved when she dies.

weelass24

fredalina:

I don't fault you for your feelings but I think that considering we have an active member mourning her mom, your timing sucks.

This

KaitySueWho

I feel the same way about my mother.. I feel so bad about it too..

FiremansWife2009baby

weelass24:

fredalina:

I don't fault you for your feelings but I think that considering we have an active member mourning her mom, your timing sucks.

This

That was my first thought. Not that you can't feel the way you do - but it's pretty disrespectful at this particular time.

RachelG83

I pretty much felt the same way about mine up until the past year or so.

Amazing that a horrible thing like IF could end with my mom liking me more and bringing us closer together.  That combined with a 500 mile separation did a lot for our relationship I guess.

swimrbride

Not flammable. My dad died when I was a baby (2ish) and while I used to be really sad that I grew up without a dad, as an adult I am really glad he wasn't alive and that I wasn't old enough to know what he was like and can imagine that he was the best dad ever for 2 years. He was a drug addict and alcoholic and I can't imagine having to deal with that growing up. I'm more sad that he lived a life that made him want to be like that.

Schwandy

My intention was not to disrespect anyone. I had just gotten off the phone with my little sister who was in tears over somethings said/done by my mom and this was part of my vent. 

OhZy, I know this is a very hard time in your life and if you you took this disrespectfully I sincerely apologize. This was a moment where I should've given it some thought, then posted.  

oh-zysbaby

I didn't take this disrespectfully, although in my current state of mind I believe that you are probably wrong. I had a difficult relationship with my mother, although it doesn't seem like it was where yours is.

I will encourage you to take a moment to think about ways in which she may have benefited you in a positive way, even if it was by accident, ways in which her existence made you a better person.

I'm finding that my "self" is wrapped up in my mom in ways I never realized, especially since her "mothering" of me ended years ago.  My mom had a wonderful side to go with her difficult side, I don't know if yours does too, but I think you will find that it's always hard to lose the woman who made you.