Do you think 10 weeks is too young for "sleep training"?

butterbeansmama

and by sleep training, I mean this:

Harrison has been giving me a hard time about going to sleep lately (for both naps and at night), but night is what I'm working on first.

I get him ready for bed, change him, feed him, rock/sing/burp and put him down. He will start to fuss about 5 minutes after putting him down and all out crying shortly after. I wait 10 minutes before going in there. The first time, I go in there, I pick him up (to make sure he doesn't need to burp again), pat his back, shhhh him until he is calmed down and put him back down. He will usually start to fuss right away again. I wait another 10 minutes of crying before going in there again. This time, I do not pick him, I pat his back and shhhh him until he calms down and isn't crying/fussing anymore. If he starts crying after I leave the room, I wait 10 minutes and do it over again, until he stops crying all together after I leave the room.

I know he is tired when I put him down and I'm pretty sure I'm doing it at the right time (see the signs, etc.). Tonight was even an hour later than usual (we were out) and he still gave me a hard time.

Is this cruel? Should I be doing something different? I really don't know what else to do other than this. Any other suggestions?

miss.jess

I am assuming you are following a form of the Ferber method?  This is not recommended until at least 4 months of age so I would say it is a little early for sleep training!

I would do what works. Does he like the swing?

IrishBrideND

holy cow yes. Even the strongest CIO supporters do not recommend doing that until at least 4 months.

DaisyFull

IrishBrideND:

holy cow yes. Even the strongest CIO supporters do not recommend doing that until at least 4 months.

This. At 10 weeks you just have to go with the flow.  

butterbeansmama

miss.jess:

I am assuming you are following a form of the Ferber method?  This is recommended until at least 4 months of age so I would say it is a little early for sleep training!

I would do what works. Does he like the swing?

No, I've never read any of the books. He doesn't really like the swing all that much and will not sleep with me rocking him. He actually likes to be put down to sleep, but lately, not so much. :-(

star173

My son would act the same way if I let him cry (and he prefers to be put down over being rocked most of the time as well)...He cries a bit when I am caring for DD and can't get to him, but I don't do that intentionally. if I just pick him up and swing him in my arms for a bit, I can usually put him back down...or, I'll let him nurse for a few minutes. Does he take a paci?

Right now, he's still much too young to be trained in any way. I'm really not for letting them cry themselves to sleep as infants ever, but you gotta do what works for you and your kiddo- no one recommends it until 6 months, and at the very earliest 4. Its hard having 2 LOs, but I'd try a different method beofre leaving him to cry if you can help it. Good luck!!

cbandjp

I agree that he is too young to let him cry that long.  He's crying because something is wrong.  How about swaddling?  My LO can't sleep at night until he is swaddled.  As for naps, I know I have to wait until he's in a deep sleep before setting him down or I hold him during his naps.  

Here's a great website that might help you:

https://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t070300.asp

Good luck! 

orienae

I don't believe in any "training"....except for my dog perhaps. 

Way too young to require LO to adapt to how you wish him to go to sleep.

butterbeansmama

cbandjp:

I agree that he is too young to let him cry that long.  He's crying because something is wrong.  How about swaddling?  My LO can't sleep at night until he is swaddled.  As for naps, I know I have to wait until he's in a deep sleep before setting him down or I hold him during his naps.  

Here's a great website that might help you:

https://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t070300.asp

Good luck! 

I did swaddlel when he was younger, but he always got his arms out. So, I started to swaddle from the chest down. Then I didn't swaddle him one night and he slept the best he had ever slept, so I stopped it.

Thanks for the website!

lite-bright

Are you putting him down awake or asleep? I can't tell from your post. 

With DD1 and now with DD2, we mostly put them down when they were 100% out. Sometimes we'd put them down too soon and they wouldn't stay asleep. We'd try to catch that magic sleepy-but-awake interval where you soothe them until they're alllllmost asleep and when you put them down, they'll blink a few times and fall asleep -- but if we missed it and they started crying, we'd start over and make sure they were more sleepy, or outright asleep. It can be frustrating because they're almost as likely to wake up when you put them down as fall asleep.

As they got older, it gets easier to do sleepy-but-awake. That's how they start to learn self-soothing, if they can do that last little bit to fall asleep on their own. Then, gradually, you can put them down when they're not as close to asleep, and even when they're just tired. 

But I think 10 weeks is way too early to expect them to get themselves from wide awake -- or even tired -- to asleep on their own. They really need quite a bit of help and soothing until you can do actual sleep-training -- which isn't recommended until four months at the earliest.

butterbeansmama

lite-bright:

Are you putting him down awake or asleep? I can't tell from your post. 

With DD1 and now with DD2, we mostly put them down when they were 100% out. Sometimes we'd put them down too soon and they wouldn't stay asleep. We'd try to catch that magic sleepy-but-awake interval where you soothe them until they're alllllmost asleep and when you put them down, they'll blink a few times and fall asleep -- but if we missed it and they started crying, we'd start over and make sure they were more sleepy, or outright asleep. It can be frustrating because they're almost as likely to wake up when you put them down as fall asleep.

As they got older, it gets easier to do sleepy-but-awake. That's how they start to learn self-soothing, if they can do that last little bit to fall asleep on their own. Then, gradually, you can put them down when they're not as close to asleep, and even when they're just tired. 

But I think 10 weeks is way too early to expect them to get themselves from wide awake -- or even tired -- to asleep on their own. They really need quite a bit of help and soothing until you can do actual sleep-training -- which isn't recommended until four months at the earliest.

Some nights, he is awake and some nights he is asleep when I put him down. He has only started waking up or crying within the last few days. Before then, I was able to put him to sleep drowsy and he would drift right off. I think I will try nursing him some more, when he does wake back up and cry and if that doesn't work, then I'll have dh rock him to sleep (when he is home). Hopefully, this will work.

jenny1980

butterbeansmama:

miss.jess:

I am assuming you are following a form of the Ferber method?  This is recommended until at least 4 months of age so I would say it is a little early for sleep training!

I would do what works. Does he like the swing?

No, I've never read any of the books. He doesn't really like the swing all that much and will not sleep with me rocking him. He actually likes to be put down to sleep, but lately, not so much. :-(

Probably because he's been left alone to cry.

2.5 months is way, way, way too early for any kind of CIO sleep training. Your baby needs to be able to form a solid attachment to you and be able to trust you. Leaving him to cry prevents that from happening.

At this age, you just nurse to sleep, rock to sleep, pat his back to sleep, whatever works for him.

Even at 6 months, I go in and rub DD's back if she needs help falling asleep.

 

 

tarebear9891

That is way too young for any kind of sleep training. 4 months is the very earliest you are supposed to sleep train and even then most experts recommend waiting until 6 months. You are just teaching your LO his/her needs will not be met. 

Jennicap

10 weeks is way to young to CIO so yes I think what your doing is cruel putting your son through the stress and anxiety when he hasn't developed the coping skills to CIO safely.

nekorayne

The most important thing right now is to show LO that his needs will be met and that mommy will be there when he/she needs her. I know sometimes to us it seems like crying is obbsessive but remeber that LO has very few ways to express themselves. They are still learning to self soothe and to trust that you will be there.

tessab2515

star173:

My son would act the same way if I let him cry (and he prefers to be put down over being rocked most of the time as well)...He cries a bit when I am caring for DD and can't get to him, but I don't do that intentionally. if I just pick him up and swing him in my arms for a bit, I can usually put him back down...or, I'll let him nurse for a few minutes. Does he take a paci?

Right now, he's still much too young to be trained in any way. I'm really not for letting them cry themselves to sleep as infants ever, but you gotta do what works for you and your kiddo- no one recommends it until 6 months, and at the very earliest 4. Its hard having 2 LOs, but I'd try a different method beofre leaving him to cry if you can help it. Good luck!!

I just have to say that your DD is gorgeous!

carrotcake06

Everyone else pretty much said it. Too young to "train", too young to schedule, & too young to be dictated to. I know you have another, but when DS2 starts crying get to him as soon as you can instead of watching the clock

teelaman

Like everyone else, I think it's too young for a "schedule" - but here's my disclaimer. I think it's too young for a schedule that involves leaving him to cry for that long to get him on the schedule.

My LO goes to bed everything between 9:30 and 10:30 (11 if it's a "rough" night). The way I was able to do it, was literally starting a routine every night beginning at 9:00. Exact same routine - exact same time every night. Bath (if it's a bath night), lotion, pj's, into a low lit, quiet room, swaddle, feed, rock to sleep. It took about a week and a half for her to consistently fall asleep within the hour timeframe, but she does it now without any trouble. The first few days - yeah it was a pain because either she wasn't tired or wanted to play, but eventually just being in the dark room cued her that it was bedtime. She's sleeping 6-8 hours at a time now, and since starting the "9 o'clock routine", the rest of her day has pretty much fallen into place on it's own. She wakes up about the same time, and eats throughout the day at the same time. Everything is still "on demand", but just implementing a bedtime routine shifted her to be "on-demand on-schedule."

Something like this might help him to realize it's bedtime. But I agree with everyone else - make sure you're always there to soothe him or feed him....whatever.....if he needs it. Eventually itll work itself out.

terri_doula2010

You may want to read "12 hours of sleep by 12 weeks." I was appalled at some of the stuff that book suggested, but it did pretty much say to let them CIO as early as 10 wks, with other stuff that I'm personally opposed to. It might help you, though.

 I'm currently reading the No Cry Sleep Solution. I just can't do the CIO thing. My LO just gets more upset and turns purple and gets hoarse. I can't do that to him on purpose! He is too young to learn anything except that he can't rely on anyone to help him.

Mrs.V

Yes, it's WAY to young! My DS (9 weeks) would certainly not go to sleep if I just laid him down. I have to hold him, rock him, nurse him, etc. to get him to sleep and then I lay him down asleep.

femmegem

Oh, Beth, it makes me sad that you let him cry like that.

bb80

no, that is NOT ok, not at ALL

RunKirstenRun

I might get flamed for this especially after reading all the replies but I think you need to do what works for you.  My DS is hard to get to sleep too.  He doesn't want to be rocked because he doesn't like to be held asleep, he gets uncomfortable, squirms and wakes himself up.  He won't fall asleep in the swing, being carried in either a carrier or wrap, not in a stroller, not laying next to me, not the car seat, nothing.  Believe me when I say I have tried everything.  So now we are trying to put LO on a schedule.  He sleeps great by himself at night after routine of bath, rocking, feeding, sleep then bed by 10 every night and self soothes himself back to sleep after his 3 a.m. feeding meaning I can put him down awake and he puts himself to sleep.  But he refuses to take naps during the day and he is a very unhappy little boy because of it.  So we have begun putting him down drowsy but awake and then sitting by his crib and talking to him, patting him and calming him down then leaving the room.  When he begins to cry again we go back in and sit next to him, talk to him, pat him until he begins to fall asleep again.  The whole process takes 10-15 minutes but he has started sleeping during the day at scheduled times and is much happier.  I don't let him CIO for more than two or three minutes yet because I want him to know I will respond but it is working for us and he has been a happier baby because of it this week.  He is sleeping better at night and eating better during the day and playing longer, happier between asleep and awake times.