What my brother said to me — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

What my brother said to me

I thought this was touching, though it might be a tad controversial because it kind of goes along with the whole, things happen for a reason idea. But the way he said it made me cry:

"In truth, your lost baby will live on. For your next child would never be without the noble effort of your first baby. Therefore, it lives on despite the tragedy."



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Our angel baby, always missed-EDD 1.18.10-D&C 7.2.10
"Sometimes, the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." -Winnie the Pooh

Congrats to my KU buddy ~
and ZZsMommy on baby XYZ and GPickles on baby C

Re: What my brother said to me

  • So sweet! I would put that in a scrapbook or write it on a notecard and put it in an album with his name and date and occasion (regarding your loss) so that your family can remember it.

    Or you can calligraphy it and mat/frame that for a future baby's room.

    My family just said "Hey..at least now you know you CAN get pregnant!!" (I already knew that...since I miscarried last April!)

  • My mom had a m/c after she had me, and always said "if not for that, then I wouldn't have had Breezy" (Breezy is my sister's nickname, who was born 12 months after my mom m/c).

    *I* know that things happen for a reason, and I believe that God or science or whatever had other plans for us - and that we won't ever know the reason why.... *I* know it. But I still don't like when other people tell me that. It just doesn't make anything better. Your brother said it much more profoundly - and I've realized that people DO mean well - they just really don't know what else to say, you know?

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  • Lkat17Lkat17
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I really like the way your brother said it. Very sweet.

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
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    m/c 6/10 
    missed miscarriage discovered at 11 weeks, natural miscarriage at home one week later 9/13
  • Very sweet!  Definitely not something my brother would ever say!
  • I love that.  You have a very sweet brother.

    My Little
  • That is so sweet and profound. What a wonderful brother you have. Those words definitely mean a lot more than your classic "It happened for a reason" line. I would've cried too! In fact I almost feel like I'm going to now!
    BabyFetus Ticker

    BFP 4/26/10 -- ectopic pregnancy and emergency surgery 4/30/10

    Diagnosed with unexplained infertility 5/11

    IUI 4/2012 - BFN

    IUI 6/28/12 - BFP 7/12/12

  • That is really beautiful. 

    It so much better than it your typical "it happened for a reason" or "there was something wrong with the baby anyway" crap I have heard. 

  • When I look back at my struggle to have my second child I think that it was all worth it because without it I wouldn't have my daughter and she is wonderful and special and perfect.  She is the child I was meant to have.

    So, I am also trying to look at my losses this way.  I strongly believe (on my good days) that I will have another child and that child will be the one I was meant to have and that without these losses I would never have that child.

    It's not the perfect answer to why I have lost two babies but at least it's something.

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck.  Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.

    This Cluttered Life

  • that is a sweet way to think of it.  my good friend said something after my loss that was also along the "things happen for a reason" concept, but so much more nicely put.  she said, "i know we're not religious, but i just have to think that there is a bigger reason for why this happened, because otherwise it's just so unfair".  
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