Thoughts on how to tell 9 year old SD about baby
MrsHershey
member
This weekend DH & I will be getting our SD for the summer & will be telling her that she will be a big sister. Given her age, she doesn't know how babies are made. We initally thought about telling her that when two people love each other they get together & have a baby. However, a few of my friends have warned me not to do this as DH & BM weren't exactly in love when BM got pregnant.
We want to tell her the truth about babies without leading her on regarding the reletionship between DH & BM. This is of concern as SD has asked several times why DH & BM didn't get married. DH's answer to this was that BM was only a friend and that they have a different love then he & I. As you can see we are really in a dilema, so any recos would be appreciated. Thanks!
Re: Thoughts on how to tell 9 year old SD about baby
I would just tell her she is going to be a big sister and leave it at that. If she asks then go into it more.
Congrats!
This. It's probably different with boys than girls, but we've never had a problem telling SS he is going to be a big brother again. His mom had another kid and then we had DS and are about to have another. I wouldn't make it more complicated than it needs to be.
Don't focus so much on why the baby is in your belly, but I'm sure she'll be curious about the pregnancy.
We broke the news to our SSs with our first ultrasound picture. It gave them something tangible to show them a new sibling was on the way. We explained the highlights of pregnancy: baby growing, mom's belly gets huge, 9 months... then the baby is born and can't walk, can't talk, sleeps alot, etc.
Agreeing with everyone else, I wouldnt worry about explaining how babies are made. Just explain the positive changes and how exciting it is going to be.
QFT
Why isn't she allowed to believe she was created out of love too? Do you have make you SD feel bad about herself by saying , "Sorry honey this baby was created out of love, you were created out of a booty call"
Nice! You just have to tell her that she's haveing a baby sister/brother, why don't you let the mommy that loves SD tell her where babies come from since you feel that you can't hold back from saying she was a mistake and a blemish on your american nuclear family picket fence dream.
If she ask and only if she ask, tell her that babys are given to people to bring them closer together. That the baby maybe in your tummy but it is there for your DH, you and her. So she can see that she was given to her mommy and daddy to bring them together.
When I had DD the questions from the boys were, "Well how does the baby come out?" and "We want a girl baby is that what you asked for?". These are a little harder to answer to a 4 and 5 yr olds than your dilemma. It could be worse.
IF she asks, stick with biology. Mommies have eggs inside them. Daddies fertilize the eggs and it makes a baby. IF she asks how he does that, tell her he puts his penis in the woman's vagina. Where babies come from should not be classified information. And it should not involve namby-pamby myths, fairy tales, romance or euphemisms.
If you stick with science it is highly unlikely that she will dwell on relationship issues.
I would be more prepared to answer more straight forward questions about how this will effect her because a 9yo is still going to be pretty self-centered (in the normal way for her age).
My SS was 11 and his worries were focused on if his routine would change, were we going to take his room away, how his life would be different. He was reassured when he learned that he would still come over just as much, he could still do the extracurricular activities DH did with him, he still had a bedroom, etc.
Thanks for the response. DH & I would never bring up how babies are made, but just want to be prepared if she asks.
Regarding the posts that said that I'm calling SD a mistake are not accurate. The circumstances behind her birth & the first 3 years of her life are not pretty. We all have agreed that we would never tell her the truth. I believe that all children/babies are born for a reason & despite the circumstances of how they got here we should celebrate them. That being said, two people can have children together with love not being involved. In no means did I say or imply that she is less of a person. I just don't want her to think that DH & her mom would or could get back together based on some answer we give regarding how babies are made, etc.