is it tacky to throw myself a shower?

krisnolan22

My mom believes it's bad luck to throw a shower and my best friend (also my MOH) is a flake and preoccupied with her new boyfriend and i'm not sure if i should ask her if she plans on doing it or not. I"m counting her out. my MIL says she would, but i know my mother would probably lose her mind. i don't have many close girlfriends who would step up to the plate. My husband says he will do it, but I think it's tacky if either of us throw ourselves a baby shower. Should I just suck it up and not have one?? Not to sure what to do. any advice?

BlondeDutchess912

seriousy... like 3-5 posts down... 

krisnolan22

that's what I get for not scrolling down first... thanks for the reply. I guess my question is answered. appreciate the reply.

BlondeDutchess912

no problem... but in response I think it is okay to do a lot of the work/ paying- or let your hubby do a lot of the work/ paying as long as someone else takes the credit of being the host. Esp if someone expresses intersest in throwing a shower but has some financial/ time barriers. 

Jim&Jaime

No, it's not okay, it's never okay.  Use the money to buy yourself things for your child.  If you want to have a party (who doesn't love a party?) have a "meet the baby" party after your LO is here, but without presents.  

CrazyToast

Jim&Jaime:

No, it's not okay, it's never okay.  Use the money to buy yourself things for your child.  If you want to have a party (who doesn't love a party?) have a "meet the baby" party after your LO is here, but without presents.  

I agree on this.

Parties cost money.  You really should use the money to take care of your child, not on a party.  Sure, showers are fun, but I wouldn't have had one if I had to pay for it.

cocojack10

Honestly I'm so picky when it comes to parties that I am very involved in my shower planning.  I am choosing the location and theme (especially since I'm footing the bill) but once that is settled, then I'm passing the baton over to my sisters who will take care of the details.  IMO I don't see anything wrong with it.  It is a huge burden to host a shower ($) so if you want one, and the only way to have it is by paying for it, then go for it.

GL   

ETA - by the way, the invite will state that sisters are hosting... no one will know the "truth" 

azgrlbride

Don't let people tell you it's not ok! Do whatever you want. I am thinking of hosting my own as well because I enjoy the planning even though I have several friends who would love to do it for me. It doesn't have to be high-maintenance/costly. I say go for it!

Simply Fated

azgrlbride:

Don't let people tell you it's not ok! Do whatever you want. I am thinking of hosting my own as well because I enjoy the planning even though I have several friends who would love to do it for me. It doesn't have to be high-maintenance/costly. I say go for it!

It's perfectly ok... if you want to be gift grabby and tacky.

azgrlbride

Simply Fated:

azgrlbride:

Don't let people tell you it's not ok! Do whatever you want. I am thinking of hosting my own as well because I enjoy the planning even though I have several friends who would love to do it for me. It doesn't have to be high-maintenance/costly. I say go for it!

It's perfectly ok... if you want to be gift grabby and tacky.

IMO this is an old-fashioned mindset. Of course you're going to get gifts at a baby shower. Designating someone as the official hostess is just a fomality.

Simply Fated

azgrlbride:

Simply Fated:

azgrlbride:

Don't let people tell you it's not ok! Do whatever you want. I am thinking of hosting my own as well because I enjoy the planning even though I have several friends who would love to do it for me. It doesn't have to be high-maintenance/costly. I say go for it!

It's perfectly ok... if you want to be gift grabby and tacky.

IMO this is an old-fashioned mindset. Of course you're going to get gifts at a baby shower. Designating someone as the official hostess is just a fomality.

It's really not an old-fashioned mind-set. It is and always will be tacky to throw yourself a party and have people bring you gifts.

britne08

I dont think it is tacky to throw yourself a party. Plus I think it is a party for your baby to be. Or suggest to a friend or family member that you are concerned about the cost to them, so you will pay and help plan if they would like to help out.

My sister in law is throwing mine, but I plan on helping with some cost and ideas. If you want one and you are concerned about seeming greedy, have a meet the baby party after (state that gifts are optional)

EastCoastBride

Simply Fated:

azgrlbride:

Simply Fated:

azgrlbride:

Don't let people tell you it's not ok! Do whatever you want. I am thinking of hosting my own as well because I enjoy the planning even though I have several friends who would love to do it for me. It doesn't have to be high-maintenance/costly. I say go for it!

It's perfectly ok... if you want to be gift grabby and tacky.

IMO this is an old-fashioned mindset. Of course you're going to get gifts at a baby shower. Designating someone as the official hostess is just a fomality.

It's really not an old-fashioned mind-set. It is and always will be tacky to throw yourself a party and have people bring you gifts.

The "do whatever you want" mentality is exactly why this country is so damn self-centered and selfish.  So many people don't care about what's right anymore, they only care about what works for them. 

Jim&Jaime

EastCoastBride:

Simply Fated:

azgrlbride:

Simply Fated:

azgrlbride:

Don't let people tell you it's not ok! Do whatever you want. I am thinking of hosting my own as well because I enjoy the planning even though I have several friends who would love to do it for me. It doesn't have to be high-maintenance/costly. I say go for it!

It's perfectly ok... if you want to be gift grabby and tacky.

IMO this is an old-fashioned mindset. Of course you're going to get gifts at a baby shower. Designating someone as the official hostess is just a fomality.

It's really not an old-fashioned mind-set. It is and always will be tacky to throw yourself a party and have people bring you gifts.

The "do whatever you want" mentality is exactly why this country is so damn self-centered and selfish.  So many people don't care about what's right anymore, they only care about what works for them. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you!  I love that someone actually said this.  Not necessarily directed fully at the girls here that think this is okay, but yes, somewhat directed them, but more so directed as our country as a whole.  I'm surprised more people don't see the very direct correlation here.

hopefulmom

azgrlbride:

Don't let people tell you it's not ok! Do whatever you want. I am thinking of hosting my own as well because I enjoy the planning even though I have several friends who would love to do it for me. It doesn't have to be high-maintenance/costly. I say go for it!

Azgrlbride...it is not an old fashioned mind-set...it is very COMMON proper etiquette.  If she threw her whole shower (as in actually being the hostess) then she is essentially gifting herself.  Not only does it look tacky but it makes it look like she has no friends or family that care enough to host a shower for her.  That would be sad.  People will talk about her behind her back.  You may not care if people talk about you behind your back but keep in mind these are your friends/family. 

As far as the post goes...it is tacky to throw yourself a shower.  You can do everything regarding your shower (pay for it, organize it, decorate for it, etc) except HOST it.  If you have been talking to your mother about it...just put her down as the host.  It is as simple as that.  None of your guests need to know who paid for it, etc. and won't know unless you or your mom tell them (which I wouldn'd since it is none of their business).

MotherLove3

I don't see anything wrong with paying & decorating your own shower. Im doing mines(well I have help on cost) but someone else is hosting it. Like you said some people just don't have the time or friends that will take a little time out of their lives to make someone feel special by throwing them a shower. So make yourself feel special about knowing you celebrating your bundle of joy arrival.

tracy41

I am not sure I understand the thought behind throwing or paying for your own shower.  The baby shower is for gifts.  If you have money to buy things then buy them, don't throw yourself a shower and have other people buy them.  If people want to buy you gifts they will buy you gifts with or without the shower, especially family and friends.  Now celebrating the baby is completely different.  We had a BBQ to celebrate the baby and there were no gifts it was just a party.  We'll probably celebrate the baby again with a BBQ after he's here but that's because my husband loves throwing BBQ's.

Erina1004

MotherLove3:

I don't see anything wrong with paying & decorating your own shower. Im doing mines(well I have help on cost) but someone else is hosting it. Like you said some people just don't have the time or friends that will take a little time out of their lives to make someone feel special by throwing them a shower. So make yourself feel special about knowing you celebrating your bundle of joy arrival.

Don't smoke crack and bump.  Thanks.

Ivana_Stolichnaya

britne08:

I dont think it is tacky to throw yourself a party. Plus I think it is a party for your baby to be. Or suggest to a friend or family member that you are concerned about the cost to them, so you will pay and help plan if they would like to help out.

My sister in law is throwing mine, but I plan on helping with some cost and ideas. If you want one and you are concerned about seeming greedy, have a meet the baby party after (state that gifts are optional)

It's not a party for the baby...it's for the mother.  FYI

MotherLove3

Erina1004:

MotherLove3:

I don't see anything wrong with paying & decorating your own shower. Im doing mines(well I have help on cost) but someone else is hosting it. Like you said some people just don't have the time or friends that will take a little time out of their lives to make someone feel special by throwing them a shower. So make yourself feel special about knowing you celebrating your bundle of joy arrival.

Don't smoke crack and bump.  Thanks.

So mature. Smh!

HerHighness

Simply Fated:

azgrlbride:

Don't let people tell you it's not ok! Do whatever you want. I am thinking of hosting my own as well because I enjoy the planning even though I have several friends who would love to do it for me. It doesn't have to be high-maintenance/costly. I say go for it!

It's perfectly ok... if you want to be gift grabby and tacky.

 

TAMLVSCARL

Yes it is tacky to throw your own shower. You can pay for the costs if you have to & help with the arranging (time, place, etc) but have someone else's name as the hostess & be the host at the actual shower. I am helping pay for my shower but my sister is doing all the planning, preparing, setting up, etc.

krisnolan22

hopefulmom:

azgrlbride:

Don't let people tell you it's not ok! Do whatever you want. I am thinking of hosting my own as well because I enjoy the planning even though I have several friends who would love to do it for me. It doesn't have to be high-maintenance/costly. I say go for it!

Azgrlbride...it is not an old fashioned mind-set...it is very COMMON proper etiquette.  If she threw her whole shower (as in actually being the hostess) then she is essentially gifting herself.  Not only does it look tacky but it makes it look like she has no friends or family that care enough to host a shower for her.  That would be sad.  People will talk about her behind her back.  You may not care if people talk about you behind your back but keep in mind these are your friends/family. 

As far as the post goes...it is tacky to throw yourself a shower.  You can do everything regarding your shower (pay for it, organize it, decorate for it, etc) except HOST it.  If you have been talking to your mother about it...just put her down as the host.  It is as simple as that.  None of your guests need to know who paid for it, etc. and won't know unless you or your mom tell them (which I wouldn'd since it is none of their business).

 

as sad as it is, i don't think i have any friends or family who care enough. I don't have any sisters and my mom doesn't "believe" in baby showers. Even though I have sister in laws, I'm not close with them and everyone thinks my MOH should be hosting, but i've only seen her once since we got married. (She's obsessed with her new boyfriend and never has time to go out anymore) My husband and I just brought a new house and we were going to have a bbq baby shower, but i thought it was tacky. I guess we can just have a BBQ. Thank you all for posting. i'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens. baby shower or not, i'm excited my little girl is coming and she'll get all the things she needs. Thanks again! 

weddedwife

EastCoastBride:

Simply Fated:

azgrlbride:

Simply Fated:

azgrlbride:

Don't let people tell you it's not ok! Do whatever you want. I am thinking of hosting my own as well because I enjoy the planning even though I have several friends who would love to do it for me. It doesn't have to be high-maintenance/costly. I say go for it!

It's perfectly ok... if you want to be gift grabby and tacky.

IMO this is an old-fashioned mindset. Of course you're going to get gifts at a baby shower. Designating someone as the official hostess is just a fomality.

It's really not an old-fashioned mind-set. It is and always will be tacky to throw yourself a party and have people bring you gifts.

The "do whatever you want" mentality is exactly why this country is so damn self-centered and selfish.  So many people don't care about what's right anymore, they only care about what works for them. 

 This exactly!! Amen.

JuliaBug

Yes, it is tacky to throw your own shower (or have your husband throw the shower.)

If your mother thinks showers are bad luck, why would she care if MIL throws the shower more than if you did? Tell your mom that either she can throw you a shower or you will take your MIL up on her offer. If you want a shower, by all means have your MIL host one for you.