2nd Trimester

What should I do?

So i've been doing a lot of research on safety when it comes to baby items.  My FI mother (future MIL) has been so excited about being a Grandma.  She has been shopping at garage sales and finding lots of great deals (not a big deal).  When we went over there last weekend she had to show me all of her great deals which included (from people she didnt know) a used crib, used car seat, and a used bedding set including bumpers.  All of which I have been reading is a big NO NO!  The crib is a drop side crib that has not been fixed since its a recalled crib.  I don't see her taking care of LO over night or anything a whole lot although I think she has other ideas.  We have a dog that they often babysit for us when we go out of town for the weekend and I think she thinks she will be watching our child just as much.  She is very stubborn and I tried to mention the safety aspect to her but she didnt care.  My FI doesnt want to stand up to his mom and ive talked to his sister about this and she doesnt want to either.  What can I do about this?  I am concerned about the safety issues I am going to face with these items she bought. 
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Re: What should I do?

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    First off, you need to tell your DH that he needs to talk to his mother. It shouldn't be forced on you. If he will not, then when they are both there you will have to sit down and tell her you know you are being a pain (which you aren't) but your child is not using a used car seat and will never use a recalled item. Thank her for thinking of you, then find a charity to donate them to.

    The crib bumpers are a choice; if you are uncomfortable with them then don't use them. I do, but I still wouldn't use used ones.


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    I had to set major boundaries with MIL when DD was born -- sounds like this might be the perfect time for you to do so. Just let her know that while it may sound ridiculous to her, you feel it is important to have a new crib/car seat/etc. and that's what you're going to do.

    DH wasn't much help with his mom, either, but once I set clear boundaries with her, we haven't had any problems.

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    "Accidentally" drop a sledgehammer on the crib???

    What about getting her a PNP or something similar as a "Congratulations, you're going to be a Grandmother!" gift? Maybe the allure of having something brand-new will overshadow the used crib that she found? Otherwise you--and drag your FI with you. You didn't make the baby alone & shouldn't have to handle his mom alone, either--will have to sit down with her and tell her in no uncertain terms that IF your baby is ever going to spend the night at Grandma's house, it will NOT be in a used crib that is potentially unsafe for your baby...

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    I have just been very up front about it.  My mom thinks I am being silly and has teased me a bit, but she has falled into line.  All used items have to be checked to see if they have been recalled.

    No used car seats (she did get one from a friend of her's that has never been in a wreck and been checked for recalls and date, I told her that one was fine).

    You just have to say "I really appreciate everything that you have done, but some of these items are not safe.  They have recalled by the manufacturer, we don't know if they have been in a wreck or are out of date, aka don't have the correct safety features.  I just do not feel comfortable with little one using these items at all."

    When she argues you just have to say "I'm sorry, but that is how I feel and LO's health and safety are my responsibility and I am saying no thank you."

    Yes that will piss her off, but you have to do what you have to do. 


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    You definitely need to have your FI talk to your MIL.  My MIL was on the verge of doing something similar.  She was finding yard sales and people who were giving away their old car seats and high chairs.  I told DH that while it was sweet of her, I was adamant about buying stuff like that new.  He told her not to worry about those things, we had them covered, and that if she wanted to hunt down clothes for us, I was more than happy to take any donations.  So, she turned her focus to that instead.

    I now have about 4 bags of newborn clothes to go through, but I am going to go through them with her just to let her know that I appreciate what she is doing for her grandchild.

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    My MIL was told up front from the beginning she was notcto purchase anything unless approved by myself or DH. She has shitty style and I don't like garage sale items.
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    Easy fix for the crib:  on one of the side panels you will find the manufacturer, brand and model number.  Go online to the manufacturer and find our for sure if it is recalled (probably yes since it's a drop side).  They will have the info needed to get replacement parts mailed to you to make it into a fixed side crib.  My crib was recalled; I filled out a form online, printed out the form and a prepostage page and mailed it off to the company.  I will be getting the replacement parts to make my crib fine any time now.

    Good luck.

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