Staying Patient - DS w/PDD

Sheila92003

My DS is 5 years old and has PDD.  Lately it seems like I have no patience with him.  I snap at him and find myself yelling a lot.  I just get tired of telling him the same things over and over again.  I don't know if he just doesn't understand what I say or if he does understand and he's just being a typical 5 year old.  So if your DC is Autistic or has other communication or developmental delays, how do you stay patient and what kind of strategies do you use?  Thank you all in advance.  I just want to do what is best for my little man.

Sheila92003

Auntie, you are an amazing person.  Thank you for this advice and for replying.  I really appreciate it!

Karalyn44

I don't have anything to add, but wanted to let you know that you're not alone (I have an almost 5 year old DS on the spectrum and can totally relate to the frustration and lack of patience.

Also wanted to thank auntie for the insight! Much appreciated!!!

breezy0629

Auntie has lots of great insight there. My own DS with HFA is turning 4 in less than a week, so we're not quite where you are yet, but we've dealt with our share of behavioral stuff.

I was at a loss once I started to feel like all I ever did was lose it on him and say the same things over and over 10,000 times a day. I finally got some literature on Asperger's (which honestly just describes him better) and once I could understand a bit better where he was coming from, I could meet him developmentally MUCH better.

I hope you find some things that work better soon. You are NOT alone!! It is very easy to lose patience. 

breezy0629

This might be too specific, but the best thing I ever learned was to give him about 5 more seconds past what you'd give any other kid when expecting a response. At first, I had to wait, then start counting in my head.... now, it's second nature for me to allow that wait time.

bugmommy

-auntie-:

bubba2b:

I love this post. DD's behaviors can be challenging...Auntie and above posters have wonderful wise words. I will be rereading their replies...

To add...I think investing in yourself is important. I get into a very frustrated place and find I need an outlet. Exercise is so important. Right now I am trying the couch ot 5k. Even if I don;'t accomplish it, it is a healthy outlet. Also the healthier I am the more I will be there for dd and ds as an adult.

Excellent point about the oft quoted oxygen mask analogy. You know the one about taking care to meet your own emotional needs first just as you fasten your own oxygen mask before assisting children traveling with you.

It's great advice, but for those of us (and I include you in "us") who don't have regular family support and competent babysitters being reminded to take some mommy time becomes one more thing to feel badly about.

 

I agree with both of you.  I don't have family around and we've moved so much that I frequently haven't had someone around that I trusted to use as a babysitter.  My DH also works a lot and only gets home before they are in bed about 50% of the time.  Sometimes for me taking time just means I let them watch a 30 minute video while I read a book and I don't feel guilty about it.  Sometimes it means I order pizza for dinner instead of trying to cook and play with the kids (and then fight with them over dinner.)  I also still enforce "quiet time" for one hour for my older DS since he only naps about 50% of the time.  He plays quietly in his room and I recharge.  I'm a better mom when I just calm down for a few minutes. 

When I try to stay "on" all day doing therapy stuff, constantly engaging them, etc. I get overwhelmed that's the no. 1 time I loose it.  Basically when I feel myself getting frustrated I let some of my expectations go.  It sounds like a slacker attitude, but I've seen how much better my kids respond to what I do when I'm calm.  At the end of the day I think we come out ahead this way.