Mom's of 4yo girls..

StarryNight39

And boys really, I guess. 

Please tell me I am not alone. I want my old Ava back! She is so sassy, all she does is back talk and raise her voice at me specifically, but she will do it to Ella and MH also.  

I have tried to be nice, I've ignored it, I have taken toys/special things away nothing works.

Anyone have any tips or just want to commiserate?  

DandelionMom

It'll pass. 

Have you tried taking her out, just the two of you?  I always think that helps.

emilykristene2006

You are not alone. When she yells at DS, it's completely me coming out.

When she talks back to me, she gets an automatic time-out. I told her over the weekend that we now have a zero tolerance policy for bad behavior. No more of this 1, 2, 3 crap! When she does ANYTHING she knows she is not supposed to, it's an automatic time-out.

She has done really well the last few days.

But, I do want her to be able to disagree with me healthily. I tell her if she wants to talk about something she needs to do it in a regular voice. 

StarryNight39

DandelionMom:

It'll pass. 

Have you tried taking her out, just the two of you?  I always think that helps.

Yup! Since having Drew I make sure both the girls each get a one-on-one outing with me once a week. 

StarryNight39

emilykristene2006:

You are not alone. When she yells at DS, it's completely me coming out.

When she talks back to me, she gets an automatic time-out. I told her over the weekend that we now have a zero tolerance policy for bad behavior. No more of this 1, 2, 3 crap! When she does ANYTHING she knows she is not supposed to, it's an automatic time-out.

She has done really well the last few days.

But, I do want her to be able to disagree with me healthily. I tell her if she wants to talk about something she needs to do it in a regular voice. 

I asked her what was wrong with her the other day when she did something she shouldn't have. She comes right back at me with "What is wrong with YOU?!" in the brattiest little tone.  We give time outs but they just don't seem to phase her. She is a really good girl for the most part, but being 4 (and I am sure the new baby and Ella regressing) are really taking a toll on her. And I feel awful because I don't want her to feel bad. 

JenniC1135

Avery was sick Saturday - throwing up from 4 am til about 3 pm.  She was so sweet and snuggly and kind that it made me think I like her better when she's sick.  Sad, but true at that moment.  I feel your pain.  I look at her and wonder where I got such a brat, because she really acts like one sometimes.  She doesn't care about losing toys, and while she might cry for a minute about missing an experience, it's over in that minute and half the time she'll say she didn't want to do it anyway.  I'm trying to really watch my words and tone with her, but it hasn't done any good.  I pray it's just a typical age and testing the limits thing, because in the worst times I feel like we're never going to have a close relationship when she's older. 

StarryNight39

JenniC1135:

Avery was sick Saturday - throwing up from 4 am til about 3 pm.  She was so sweet and snuggly and kind that it made me think I like her better when she's sick.  Sad, but true at that moment.  I feel your pain.  I look at her and wonder where I got such a brat, because she really acts like one sometimes.  She doesn't care about losing toys, and while she might cry for a minute about missing an experience, it's over in that minute and half the time she'll say she didn't want to do it anyway.  I'm trying to really watch my words and tone with her, but it hasn't done any good.  I pray it's just a typical age and testing the limits thing, because in the worst times I feel like we're never going to have a close relationship when she's older. 

Get.Out.Of.My.HEAD.  It's like we have the same kid. 

 

emilykristene2006

Well Dande might be on to something. Whenever my DD seems really off, it's usually because she needs some good one-on-one time. 

I like to take DD to dinner or for ice cream and give her my complete undivided attention. The next day, she will have her alone time with DH.

emilykristene2006

when time-out started not phasing her, DH put her in the corner. She kind of acted like it was cool, but if she starts acting up in timeout now, he'll warn her next is the corner and she straightens up.

Also, sometimes when I tell her to go to timeout she'll say, "NO! I don't want to!" I end up saying, "You did something you were not supposed to do, now go take your 4 minutes." And she walks away like she thinks it's the law. Sometimes I tell her, "I don't make the rules. It's just what you're supposed to do." And um... she believes me. Not cool, I know.

ilovemygirls

Mine is 5 now & she definitely can still throw the 'tude- not quite as bad as when she was 4.  I remember looking so forward to the 4's as I heard they were much better than 3's.  Not in this house!  I mean, we didn't have as many meltdowns but that is when the sass began coming in full force.

StarryNight39

ilovemygirls:

Mine is 5 now & she definitely can still throw the 'tude- not quite as bad as when she was 4.  I remember looking so forward to the 4's as I heard they were much better than 3's.  Not in this house!  I mean, we didn't have as many meltdowns but that is when the sass began coming in full force.

Ava is a really good girl.  This is really the first time she has been really challenging so I need to remember that, but still, it's hard!!  

Angela814

I think I say multiple times each day "You need to talk in a nice voice. I can't help you until you ask nicely."

Lisa102304

I hate to pawn you of on a book, but have you tried Love and Logic techniques? I am not a gung ho L&L person, but I do think the idea of choices and logical consequences works with kids.

 

I cannot COUNT the number of times in a day I say to my DD "You have two choices .... you can xyz or you can zyx, you decide." And giving her the choices really seems to help.

 

Also, removing yourself from her vicinity can help too. For example, she is being nasty to you? Pick up your stuff and go in another room. Don't make a big deal about it, just say "Well, since you have decided to be nasty to me/sister/brother, we are going in the living room. When you can be nice, please join us." And leave it at that.

 

I would limit the amount of discussion with her about the behavior - it seems she is looking for the attention. And negative attention is FABULOUS ... all the focus is on her, she is controlling everything and she is the star. When you remove that focus, she may stop.

CubbyMama

We've lucked out in that Keira can be reasoned with....so when she's not listening or throwing fits or whatever, I can sit her down and give her the same basic speech: "It is not okay to do XYZ.  It is Mommy and Daddy's job to teach you how to act nicely, and so when you do XYZ, we have to take something away from you to help you remember."  Then we tell her no more TV shows for the afternoon, which is a consequence that really matters to her.  She will almost always apologize within a few minutes on her own, and then continue to bring it up for days afterward!  Just randomly, she'll say, "And Mommy, I'm really sorry I hit Ellie yesterday" or whatever, so I guess she has a pretty strong sense of conscience already!

LuvinMyKids

We have not had problems with our 4 year old DD...now the 6 1/2 year old DD, that's a WHOLE different story!!  Sassy, sassy, sassy!!  GL!

CubbyMama

Angela814:

I think I say multiple times each day "You need to talk in a nice voice. I can't help you until you ask nicely."

OMG, me, too...like, a jillion times a day!  That, and "I can't understand you when you're whining."

jlw2505

What I have learned is that at this age, she is really mirroring things that my DH and I do and even her teachers from school.  Some of it is really sweet and some, not so great.  It has really made me stop and think about how I react to situations and I am working on it.  I know this to shall pass and I always remind myself that.  My biggest 4 year old issue is the whole selective hearing stuff.  I try and play games when she's not responding - if you can hear me, touch your head, your nose, etc until I have her attention.