Sick of "staying positive" and being happy for pg friends.

jenna1008

I've had major IF interventions every cycle for a year now.  (But I've been seeing my RE for 3 years.)  During the last year I've had one ectopic resulting in a tube removal, one miscarriage, and I'm pretty sure I have an ectopic issue again right now.  I've shot myself so much that I might actually be starting to enjoy it.  (It's hope, right?)  I haven't cried.  I haven't droned on and on about this most difficult time in my life.  I haven't been spiteful of pg friends or asked them not to talk to me all about their happiness every damned day.  I've hit my breaking point today.  YOU ladies are the only people I "know" that share my pain, or even understand my pain.  Even DH has no clue and shows no anxiety or emotion.  I feel so alone.  I'm out of money.  How the hell am I going to afford IVF?  (Rhetorical - I CAN'T!)  So, NO, I WON'T have faith that it will "all work out!"  NO, I'm F-ING SICK of hearing about your (my friends') easy and miraculous pregnancies!  I'm done.  I want to crawl into my bed and never get out. 

Vent over. 

 

SNB2B

I'm so sorry. I just went to my best friend's baby shower today and it was rough. Everyone had babies and I didn't know how to feel. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You are amazingly strong. Vent as much as you want. You deserve it.

KiKiGee

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I totally understand.  sometimes it's all just too much to bear.

My husband is one of those ALWAYS even-keeled positive people and I tend to be a lot more anxious and emotional, at one point recently I had to tell him that his even-keeledness was really hard for me and I wanted to know how he was really feeling.  It helped for us to have that conversation.  Maybe that's something that could help you and your H?  

As for the friends, yes that's tough, I've not told friends so I have to keep reminding myself that they have no clue what I'm going through so I can't expect them to say the right/supportive things.  Do you have a trusted friend you could confide in?  I finally told my BFF (who lives outside of town) a couple of weeks ago and her support has been amazing and made a world of difference.

 

I'm so sorry you feel alone, but we are all here with you - if nothing else.

I hope you feel better soon.

cbeney

im so sorry u are feeling this way Ive felt the same way too, life just doesnt feel fair sometimes! *hugs* to u!

Dragonfly1226

I am so sorry hon. I actually agree with you that staying positive all of the time is overrated. You've been through a lot, and you deserve to let out your true feelings once in a while. 

I didn't think I was positive at all, but then my therapist pointed out that I must have some shred of hope or I wouldn't still be pursuing treatments. I liked that idea.

For the most part, I try to take it one step at a time for each cycle. And when I'm having a bad day I let myself have a bad day. You should too. We all have bad days. Hell, we have bad months. 

(((((hugs))))) 

cara-n-steve

I'm so sorry sweetie...

FabulousMrs.P

I'm so sorry. While I am just beginning my journey with IF treatments, I do understand how you feel. I was at a Father's Day get together with someone who was complaining about her kids. In the next breath she was telling me how they want to have #3 soon, but have to get started because it took them So long to get pregnant...a whole 6 months. I just wanted to cry.