I haven't posted here in a long time, but I need some advice please

Karma1969

My DS will be the only child that I have since my DH won't do fertility tx again.  I have to be ok with that since I don't really have a choice in that  but that's another matter. 

This is where I need advice.  I have hung onto all of Jacob's toys and clothes from birth through present.  Many of his clothes had been passed down to us which I always appreciated.  Now, we are getting requests to pass his clothes and toys on to other people having babies.  I know I can keep a few things that mean a lot to me and give the rest away.

But....everything single item means too much to me to give away yet.  I'm psychologically not ready to give anything away yet.  I have te secret hope of a miricle baby (our issue was 0% morph and he has a child with his ex and they weren't even ttc).  In my head I know I should pass the clothes on, but I feel like I'm letting go of the hope I have for a miracle AND I also feel like I'm letting go of my baby boy.

Is this IF PTSD, or am I just crazy?  Anyone have a hard time letting items go?  Any advice would be appreciated.  My DH just doesn't understand.

June24Bride

Hey Karma...Well first off, you're normal. I'd be the same way if I were in your shoes. Hold on to as many items as you want, but only if they bring you joy, not sadness. You know what I mean? There's really no rush to give it all away, right?

kamcfarlane

i can totally relate. my son was born early and spent 26 days in the NICU. it was very, very important to me that his 1st birthday party be perfect. i told my husband that it was probably going to be ridiculous in his eyes and cost more than it should, but it was important to me. the rational side of me knew that trying to make up for his crappy birth by having a big party was silly, but the emotional side of me didn't care.

you have been through something traumatic. you don't need to have a reason to keep things in my book. if you're not ready, you're not ready. and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

(((hugs)))

TamTam624

No you are not crazy.  I totally understand.  I have friends who want to borrow things and I say no because they were DSs.  I too hope that we will get a miracle #2 but like your DH my DH says no to fertility treatments since DS was concieved without help right before our first cycle of treatments were to begin.  We too have a Morph issue ours was 2%. 

I say hold on to them until you are ready to give them away.

Hugs to you, I am so sorry you are going through this.

alchris

It's great to see you, Karma!

And *everything* you're saying makes a ton of sense and I imagine most of us here can relate to it.  This will be our last child and NO DOUBT I will sob when I start to give away baby things afterward; if this is a boy I will sob giving away girls' stuff when I finally find it impossible to justify keeping Kira's old clothes (and will be tempted to keep too much of it which we don't have room for, LOL).

So no, you're not crazy, it's not PTSD...I think it's 100% normal.  Sucky, but completely understandable and normal.

Thinking of you!

JGirl2005

I recently started getting things ready to donate to a friend.  That said, when I did it, I was crying.  I set aside some items that were special to me.  But as you said, almost everything seemed special.  they grow so fast. 

Hugs to you!  I hope you can give the clothes away.  It won't mean you won't get a miracle bfp, etc.

rockvillebride

You're not alone. Our issues are different, but most likely DS is it for us. I was a mess giving away my maternity clothes, but felt a big weight lifted off of me after I did. That said, I have not given away DS's baby clothes or supplies yet. I've at least packed them all up now so that they are ready to go, but I just can't do it yet. Hang in there!

TheSkimmy

Do you think part of it is because this sounds like it was all your husbands decision to not have more children and not fully yours? I think you aren't ready for closure on the infant years because you don't really want to be done. Hugs!

nancy814

You are not alone...I could have written that post word for word about giving away the clothes.

 I"m dying b/c my SIL is pg with a girl and keeps saying to Paige about borrowing her clothes. It kills me b/c Paige has a lot of nice stuff and my SIL is a slob & doesn't take care of anything.

Besides...I'm not done yet...at least I hope. I'm hoping for that miracle baby still.

I feel your pain....

LucyPevensie

Hi sweetie!!!! 

I can't part with anything yet either.  Well - most anything - I gave away a lot of stuff that had been given to me secondhand (and wasn't all that nice anyway.)  Everything else - is in storage (in my house.)  I'm not ready to part with it.  Any of it.  And my sister is having a baby in August/September - a boy - and I don't even want to give her any of my nice stuff.  Aren't I a sweetheart?!    (She's fine though - this is her 7th baby FFS.)

Maybe next summer I'll sell/give stuff away.  If I don't get a miracle baby either.  

And tell your DH to STEP OFF!  He needs to be a little more compassionate and not push you on this.  You're not going to hang on to that stuff forever (nor am I.)  You'll pass it along when you're READY to do so.  And not a moment before.

Hugs to you.  

LucyPevensie

Hi sweetie!!!! 

I can't part with anything yet either.  Well - most anything - I gave away a lot of stuff that had been given to me secondhand (and wasn't all that nice anyway.)  Everything else - is in storage (in my house.)  I'm not ready to part with it.  Any of it.  And my sister is having a baby in August/September - a boy - and I don't even want to give her any of my nice stuff.  Aren't I a sweetheart?!    (She's fine though - this is her 7th baby FFS.)

Maybe next summer I'll sell/give stuff away.  If I don't get a miracle baby either.  

And tell your DH to STEP OFF!  He needs to be a little more compassionate and not push you on this.  You're not going to hang on to that stuff forever (nor am I.)  You'll pass it along when you're READY to do so.  And not a moment before.

Hugs to you.  

wvagirl

save what you want, and would pass the rest along when you're ready.  i figure if i'm lucky enough to have another kid it will happen right after i give all of e's things away.  in the meantime, i just can't quite bring myself to part with, well most of it.