2nd Trimester
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Hurt Feelings

I half want opinions (though I know I'll get whole ones ;)) and half just need to get this out.

I have a friend who I was VERY close to.  After I got married, she and her husband were having issues and she distanced herself (said it was hard to be around happy newlyweds) I understood but in our time apart I began to understand that she was a bit more selfish than I realized. 

Fastforward to present day I've been trying to accept her for who she is.  But, then today I was chatting with her on my drive home.  She's been traveling for work, and I haven't talked to her in a while.  All she talked about was her, her trip her stuff her...whatever.  Which is fine, except when we got off of the phone I realize that there was never once any question about me or this pregnancy or how I"m feeling.... Certainly it's not all about me.  But I've been accused of not sharing enough for fear of being that person who talks too much.  THen I realized, she hasn't asked me about any of this in weeks. Hell, I could know the sex and she wouldn't have a clue.

To boot, she mentioned someone that is related to  was having an ultrasound and I mentioned having one today, and still nothing.  Crickets. 

I'm hurt, and kinda ticked.  I guess I need to work on "understanding" that this is her style, but still.  OH, and I found out that she was telling people I was pregnant when I had told her not to tell anyone.  

I guess I"m still surprised at her self-centered  attitude.  I mean, you don't' need to know my doctors schedule but seriously, weeks?

And here I've been feeling guilty that I should be a better more accepting friend.

 

 

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Re: Hurt Feelings

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    Ditch her.  Relationships are give/take.  She's doing all the taking and not giving anything back which makes you feel like poo.

    I try very hard to be cognizant of others so I'm not "that friend" you just described.  I always try to make it about the other person before I share anything about me so I don't appear selfish and only calling with news about ME.

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    I know how hard it is when a very good friend turns out to be very different than you thought, for years :( I have no advice, I'm sorry, but I hope you feel better after getting thing out :)
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    I have one of those too. I haven't seen her in months, and when I did the other day... it was all about her new boyfriend she's living with, his son, her new job, etc etc. Nothing about me or how I'm doing or feeling. I mentioned to her that I felt so overwhelmed with work, and school, and trying to get the house ready for a baby.. she said "Oh at least when they're older you don't have to worry about a nursery!" Wtf?

    I've been thinking about distancing myself from her anyway. She lied to me three times about something stupid that she was putting on Facebook, completely stood up my friend and I a few weeks ago, shes just turned into a selfish biitch.

    You know, we should introduce these two.. one of them has to see how we feel if we just let them talk to each other!

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    Unfortunatly, sometimes people you may have known for years do in fact change on you. She may have not always been this way, or sometimes it doesen't seem to come out or matter as much when your younger and more carefree anyway. She sounds like one of my old friends, and I stopped trying so hard with her, now we talk on the phone once every few months and its not unpleasant like it was when we spoke more often. Don't devote the time and energy to someone who does not give it back and disapoints you this way,or, try talking about yourself, she may just be oblivious to the fact you need some focus too...not an excuse but some people just need a clue. 
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    imagelilmgirl:

    Ditch her.  Relationships are give/take.  She's doing all the taking and not giving anything back which makes you feel like poo.

    I try very hard to be cognizant of others so I'm not "that friend" you just described.  I always try to make it about the other person before I share anything about me so I don't appear selfish and only calling with news about ME.

    agreed,

    I had a friend like that, and who couldn't keep her mouth shut and would blab anything I told her in secret, It came to the point where it was hurting me to be friends with her, I finally broke the friendship, its been 4 years and life for me has been way better.  

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    I'm so sorry honey! 
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    I too had a friend just like that, literally everything was her her her.  The thing that saved me is she met a guy online and moved out of state. We are facebook friends now, but I rarely talk to her on it. And on the occasion that she may call I am usually 'In the shower'.Sometimes it takes dodging, but for me it has worked. (There was a lot more wrong with our relationship than I am going to get into on here) Just know you can do better than a 'friend' like that!! :)
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    I don't think you should feel bad - you didn't do anything wrong. Thinking about her just makes you upset, betrayed, and sad. Try to forget about herb and focus on happy things in life. I'm sorry you are going through this. I know exactly what you mean (we all have / had those kind of friends)
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    Wait. Do we have the same friend?! What I've decided to do with my friend is just let her talk about herself and be self-centered. I don't push information on her. She and I are just not on the same page of life anymore. I honestly don't think she's genuinely happy for me that I'm happily married and expecting because she isn't even engaged. All she ever talks about is "When is it going to be MY turn?". I have PLENTY of other friends that are in her boat, late 20's and unmarried however they are more than excited for me and ask me constantly about my pregnancy.

     Soooo with all that being said, I'm just going to let her bathe in her own misery of being single and keep asking herself why she's not married. Meanwhile I'm getting ready for a little one and a new chapter in my life.

     Good luck with your friend! 

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