DS & DH driving me nuts

mrsblt

(x-posted from Working Moms)

 

I had to go back to work in January and started on a 30 hour schedule - 6 hour days, no lunch, with my commute I ended up being gone about 8 hrs each day.   My mother lives with us, and she watches DS during the day time.

 About a month ago I increased my hours to 40 hrs - which means mandatory lunch break, and commute - I am now gone 11 hrs a day.

When I get home I want to just sit down and decompress after a long day followed by dealing with traffic.  Of course I can't.  When I get home I give DS his dinner and then spend time with him until DH gets home (6:45ish).  Once he's home, we tag team eating dinner with taking care of the baby, and continue with our evening routine.

Lately DH has had more late nights - this is his busy season - and I feel bad admitting it but I am really having trouble coping.   I feel that I need to take full responsibility for DS once I'm home since my mom has already watched him all day.   But on the nights that DH isn't going to be home until 8, 9, or 10:00pm its hard.    Last night for example.  I got home to find DS playing in his play yard and I greeted him, then went to the bathroom.  As soon as I turn to walk away he starts screaming.  I cringe.  (please note, my mom is still there for this)

I get back out & pick him up for cuddles.  He fusses to get down.   He starts crying on the floor with his toy.   I wince.  I pick him up.   He gets mad to get down.   Etc & repeat.    Everytime he cries or shriek I just wish he would calm down so I could finish dinner or sit down for a few minutes.

Then when DH gets home... He's all smiles and happy with him.

It's getting to the point that I almost dread getting home.   I get no chance to decompress from  a stressful day & stressful commute, get a crabby baby, and then DH walks in and gets happy baby which makes me feel like crap.

Do any other working mom's have advice for how to regain some sanity with the total lack of break/unwinding time?    I've started listening to audio books on my car ride home, but the last 20 minutes of my ride I have heavy traffic so I get all tensed up right before getting home, and can't focus on the book so much.

Thanks for listening.

Sacre Coeur

I work 40+ hours a week and understand that it can get tough sometimes. Yoga has done wonders for me as has having me time and talking to my husband about it. I asked him to help out a little more. My daughter usually wants to be greeted and then wants to interact with me. She's at a stage where she wants to cruise a lot and is happy to play as long as I'm around. Have you thought about a girl's night? It would allow you to have some you time.

simbaroo27

I have the same issue.  I work about 40-42 hours a week then have about a 45 minute drive home each day.  My husband actually stays home with our LO so he's had enough by the time I get home.  I don't get to sit down until after dinner, baby feeding, bath, etc.  Then I put baby to bed and have to shower myself and then I'm so exhausted that all I want to do is go to bed. 

We are working on getting our routine down and hopefully it's just because it's "new" and I'm not used to it.  Plus a non-sleeping through the night baby doesn't help matters but day by day it's getting better and the smile she greets me with most days when I get there is worth it all. 

Try to get away for a few hours on the weekend.  It will help.  Remeber as you are sitting in traffic that you have a wonderful baby to go home who is really looking forward to seeing you even though he doesn't know how to show it yet. 

AngelaEsq

This is only a small component, but one of the things I started doing is eating a protein shake before I leave work, so when I come home I am not famished and then I can eat a meal later after DD is asleep or calmer. I go full out, I have a blender and it tastes like a milkshake. This is my treat.

 

My DH also has late nights and if he ends up having a trial, forget it.  So I know where you're coming from.  My DD goes to daycare, so once I pick her up it's all on me, no matter how bad my workday was I have my little DD whining to be held held held.  I actually play with her when I get to daycare for a while before we leave.  This is relaxing to me.

 

I don't have a crazy commute, fortunately.  During the day I try to stop and relax. During lunch I run minor errands, so I feel that things are getting done. Today I am going to pick up some wrapping paper from Hallmark, (whoo hooo) lol.  I have changed my nail salon to down here and starting next week I will pamper myself once every couple weeks during my lunch hour. 

ashleyc55

Your situation sounds scarily similar to mine...DH works nights about 3/4 times a week and my mom watches LO during the day.  I also find it really hard to decompress after a loooong day at the office when BAM! - it's on from the minute I get home until the minute LO goes to bed (usually around 9-10 now).  He used to go to bed earlier, which made it a little easier.

Anyway, I feel your pain, and it is really really hard to work full-time and then come home to be a single parent at night.  i rarely cook, clean or do anything around the house on these nights.  What I do try to do is engage LO in activities that make both of us happy...taking a walk if the weather is good, playing outside, reading books, bath time...I try to make all of these moments count, b/c soon he'll grow up and I'll have to force him to hang out with me!  Just take some deep breaths, relax and find some inner peace and strength.  This is your situation, so focus on the positives (a healthy child, bonding time, learning experiences) instead of dwelling on how hard it is.

Lizzerd13

Maybe try sitting in your car for 5 minutes after you pull in the driveway to just breathe after all the driving.  I don't have a bad commute but there are nights where DH isn't home so I pick W up from my mom's and it is all me for the next two hours, dinner, bath, bed time.

Another suggestion, have you tried putting LO to bed earlier?  Perhaps they are overtired and that is why there is cranky time.