What information to share? (longish)

sabrina69barnes

 Backstory: I have a DS from a previous relationship, my DH and I have one DS together, and DH has a DD and DS from his first marriage. DS's BF has never really been much of a parent to DS. He has seen him regularly since birth and took him for visits but it was usually either his sister, mother, or girlfriends that actually took care of DS. BF was was never ready to be a father. We have dicussed the possibility of DH adopting DS since DH and I married almost two years ago but BF would never agree to my terms. He is now facing jail time for not paying child support and all of a sudden a few weeks ago he asked if  DH would still be will to adopt DS.

  The last time BF saw DS was about a month ago. He said his goodbyes to DS and gave me a letter to give him someday. BF and I have the agreement that he wont have contact with DS unitl he is at least 18 if that is what DS wants. BF and I will keep in touch through email and I'll send him pictures and and an update every so often.  BF doesn't have a way to sign the termination papers at my lawyers office since he doesn't have a car and lives several hours away so my lawyer mailed him the papers and also sent me a copy. I got mine a week ago so I want to send BF an email to make sure he got them. The last email he sent was also around a week ago. In it he asked about my lawyer sending the papers and also asked me to keep him update on how DS is doing.

  Here is my question. What information about DS should I share? BF seems very firm in his decision but he can be flaky about things. I'm a little nervous about the whole process and just want it done and I don't want to say or do anything that will change BF's mind. On one hand I want him to see that I am sincere about giving him updates on DS but on the other I'm afraid to remind him what an awsome kid DS is and have him change his mind. I know my situation is a little different since it's a step-parent adoption but thought some of you could relate. What kinds of things would you be willing to share with the bio parents until things are finalized?

mrsdrkwaver

well we are not doing a step parent adoption but for right now i would keep it basic this is what he is doing in school, this is how the dr. appointments went. if he is in any activities or sports i would share them with him. thats what i would share. I would keep it kinda straight forward and to the point. I hope this helps