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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
redhead0525
member
HELP, IL and DH refuse to call DS by his nickname....
redhead0525
member
We named LO a family name (that I am really not crazy abt) b/c it was important to my DH. We both agreed when I was pregnant to call LO by his nickname and keep the family name as his real, legal name....
Since LO was born DH basically refuses to call him by his nickname and says he feels weird abt it. I am completely livid and feel like he totally went back on his word and almost "tricked me", I am worried DS will be confused by people calling him 2 names. We have had endless fights abt this....
To make matters worse DH"S family is calling him by his real name even though I have releatedly told them we are calling the baby by his nickname....I am at my wit's end and feel really bad for LO who is learning his name and seems confused...WWYD?
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Re: HELP, IL and DH refuse to call DS by his nickname....
This is how I feel about it: it's probably a better idea to name the baby what you plan on calling him. I'm not a fan of planned nicknames because they do get confusing. Nicknames are something that just kind of fall into place.
That said, if your husband agreed on a planned nickname to get you to name the baby a family name, then that was manipulative on his part and I think you should go ahead calling your LO by the name you want. My sister goes by her nickname with our mom's side and by her formal name with her dad's side (she's my half sister) and her husband's family. It isn't a big deal to her and she's used to it.
I know you had a deal, and I understand that you're frustrated and I'm sorry about that. I do feel for you. I would also feel tricked.
However, you named your kid something you hated. You can't get mad at people from calling him by his legal name--that's his name. I really think it would have been a better idea to use the family name as his middle name or something, then you could have avoided all this. But its obviously too late for that.
I guess you could just lay down the law with your DH, but if that doesn't work, you're kinda SOL. Sorry.
I'd be upset too because it does kind of sound like you were tricked into using a name you weren't 100% happy with. But, I don't know if there's much you can do about it. People are going to call him what they want to call him no matter what you say. My DH's grandparents call Benjamin "Benji" which I HATE (reminds me of that dog), but there's no way to stop them.
As long as your DH calls your LO by his given name, his family is going to think it's fine, so if you want to stop this, I think it has to start with your DH.
I've always been a huge fan of naming a baby what he/she will be called. That's why Eli is just Eli, not Elijah or Elias, etc. It just causes problems when some people use one name and other people use something different. Unfortunately, you can't do anything about it now except try to remind your DH of the agreement you had before the baby was born.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. Good luck!
Well said, Calin.
I'm sorry. It must be frustrating that your DH isn't following your deal. I hope part of the deal is that you get to name the next one (if you want another one).
I would keep calling him by his nickname. Sometimes nicknames take time to grow into. We always called DS Jacob until he was about 6 months, then he started having more personality and he was more of a Jake.
Also, my legal name is Kathleen, I only use it for school and work. The rest of the time I'm Katie. It's been like that since I was 5. I always knew that Kathleen was my "school" name and Katie was my nickname. Kids are smart, he won't be confused, he'll figure it out.
hahahha very true!
100% this.I would feel tricked also but it is your child's name.Is it possible that it will ever grow on you? Also, when LO gets older he may decide he doesn't care for it either and demand to be called something else. I had my parents jumping through hoops in my pre teens trying to keep up with my latest version of my name!
My DH and his family really wanted to name LO after his Grandfather. The name, Marlin (yep, like the fish). I agreed to it maybe being a middle name but even his Grandfather didn't go by his first name. Why would you with a name like Marlin? (I say that in a light joking manner). In the end we chose to use DH's family's middle name that the past 6 generations have had and chose the first name together. We also spent a long time trying to come up with a first name that there were no nicknames for and also meant something important to us. When he turns 10 and hates his first name he can always chose to go by his middle name like his Grandfather, Marlin.
I know that your nickname situation was more so agreed upon, but I totally thought I'd call DD "miri" and we just don't. She is Miranda and atleast right now, I feel a lot better calling her her full name. Maybe one day we'll get to the "miri" stage, but I just don't see her that way yet.
Fwiw, don't be surprised if the name situation changes yet again in the future. You all might end up finding another nickname that you hadn't even thought of or liked before, that all of a sudden just "fits".
DH's parents call him "Max" which is nothing close to his real name. I had a boyfriend in highschool who was named Alex but they called him "Pal". I don't think we call any of our 4 pets by their real name much. Things just emerge, kwim?
try not to dwell on it too much.
I wouldn't do anything. That's his name and they aren't doing anything wrong by calling him that.
We call Audra by her real name and 2 nicknames and she responds to all.
He will know his legal name when he's older anyway, so IMO it's not a huge deal to call him by both now. I'm sorry you feel tricked though, that's crappy!
Most kids kind of find one that they prefer anyway. Once he's old enough to introduce himself it will be kind of up to him anyway.
I go by my nickname only, it's a shortened form of my legal name.
Yeah i would be pretty pissed at my Dh for "tricking me" into a name. We would be having a long convo about that ***. Not cool At. All.
I say call him what you want! He is your son and you can call him what ever it is that you want to. My DD's name is Alison and we call her Ali sometimes for short. She already knows and responds to both names.
You could always try telling your ILs that right now when DS is learning his name it would be easier if everyone called him the same thing, and then tell them that you (as his mother) have decided that for now everyone needs to call him whatever the nickname is (only I wouldnt say "by his nickname" you essentially want it to be his real name so treat it that way).
Now really your DS wont get confused. We call DS stinky butt, Noley, Nolan, monk, booty...the list goes on. We have done this pretty much from day one and he still answers if you call him any of these, but he knows he is Nolan. So even if nobody will call him what you want, just know he will still answer you when you call him
On a side note this was what almost happened to us. My husband wanted DS to be a "III" 3rd. I told him fine but i wanted everyone to call him "Trip" (kinda like triple...) because we really didnt need a third Michael Kevin, it was going to get too confusing. Hubs wouldnt agree to it, so I told him i refused to name DS that. Even after we had Nolan DHs family tried to call him Little Mikey and stuff. I put my foot down and told them that wasn't his name, please dont call him that.
You could always try telling your ILs that right now when DS is learning his name it would be easier if everyone called him the same thing, and then tell them that you (as his mother) have decided that for now everyone needs to call him whatever the nickname is (only I wouldnt say "by his nickname" you essentially want it to be his real name so treat it that way).
Now really your DS wont get confused. We call DS stinky butt, Noley, Nolan, monk, booty...the list goes on. We have done this pretty much from day one and he still answers if you call him any of these, but he knows he is Nolan. So even if nobody will call him what you want, just know he will still answer you when you call him
On a side note this was what almost happened to us. My husband wanted DS to a "III" 3rd. I told him fine but i wanted everyone to call him "Trip" (kinda like triple...) because we really didnt need a third Michael Kevin, it was going to get to confusing. Hubs wouldnt agree to it, so I told him i refused to name DS that. Even after we had Nolan DHs family tried to call him Little Mikey and stuff. I put my foot down and told them that wasn't his name, please dont call him that.