graduation party

MEOWMEKINS

ok, so my daughter is having her 8th grade graduation party on Sunday June 6th,she wanted it to be a combined party for her and one of her friends. Thant is fine with me but I dont really care for the girl very much but I said ok anyways.Well here is the problem, the girls mom has never said 1 word to me. I gave her daughter a ride home all winter long she would be there walking in the front door as I was pulling up, I never got a thanks, are you a pedophile, heres some gas money, nothing. I always know the parent that drive my kids home. So I am trying to plan this party for 30 kids, the mom hasn't contacted me, I told my daughter to ask her if she (the mom) was even coming to the party and that i would need like $50 to help cover the food and decorations. The mom keeps saying she doesn't know if shes coming (now this has been planned for 2 months now) and she keeps saying Ill have the money soon. I told my daughter that if I dont have the money tomorrow then it is not going to be a joint party. Is it wrong of me to be annoyed that this women just thinks I am gonna have a party for her kid and she doesn't have to help at all, physically or financially. Her daughter can still come but come on. I have never seen a parent so uninvolved in the child's life. She couldn't even pick her up from school in the winter when she totally could have. So what do I do

CurlyQ284

I think this may have been avoided if when your daughter asked about a joint party you said "let me check with [friend]'s mom first".  With the current conflict you're in, I would understand being frustrated that your daughter's friend's mom didn't pitch in any money.  But if it were me, I would throw the party for both girls.  If the girls parents are so uninvolved in her life, this would really mean a lot to her.

littlestbear03

I can not even imagine having a graduation party for an 8th grader. An end of school get together/slumber party, yeah. 

But if I were, I wouldn't have even started the planning of a joint party without talking and agreeing to some things between the other parents. Instead of just talking to your SD have you made an effort to call and talk to the mom, adult to adult?

J+R

You know where the mom lives... I would stop over her house and talk with her face to face.  Maybe a little bit of pressure may help? Or you could gauge if maybe the mother just cannot afford this party but wasnt sure how to tell her daughter "no". 

If it is a financial thing, I think that I would suck it up and have a party for both girls...

But I agree with the PP.  A graduation party for an 8th grader is a little... okay a lot - much!

MEOWMEKINS

I have tried to call the girls mom and have stopped over and even left a note on the door, and nothing.I want to have a party for both girls but it just really annoys me that I am stuck doing it all. In these economic times I wish someone would throw my daughter a party at no expense top me or no effort on my part but I couldn't do that to another mom. And the only reason I am letting her have a party is because her brother always gets to have a pool party for his birthday and she doesn't being that her birthday is in January. You would actually be surprised at how many people have 8th grade graduation parties. My daughter went to 5 over the weekend. I know its crazy but she deserves it ya know. Thanks for the advice

J+R

It sounds to me like you know in your heart that it's right to do it for this girl... and I think that is a wonderful thing to do.

It sucks that the mother cannot help her child out but it is very very nice that you are and I am sure like the PP said, she will remember it!

Forget about the money (easy to say, hard to do) and just enjoy yourself and your daughters accomplishments!

fauxshelley

I just wanted to say thank you for putting a space between your sentences.  I noticed, and it made everything so much easier to read.

MrsHK

I just hope you plan on having nutter butters at the party. I love nutter butters.

Erin0922

MrsHK:

I just hope you plan on having nutter butters at the party. I love nutter butters.

I seriously think this was the most constructive comment in the whole post. Nutter butters are definitely a must!

hterry85

Are you going to invite any LESS guests if it's not a joint party? If you'd be spending the same either way I'd let it go.

And next time talk to the other parent before you agree to anything.

I'm not even going to bother with the part about an 8th grade party.

flippy1234

hterry85:

Are you going to invite any LESS guests if it's not a joint party? If you'd be spending the same either way I'd let it go.

And next time talk to the other parent before you agree to anything.

I'm not even going to bother with the part about an 8th grade party.

This is what I was thinking also. What will be the difference if shes the guest of honor or not?

My SD is "graduating" from 8th grade this year also.. after their "moving up ceremony" she is having about 10 or so friends over for a pool party at our house. We're just buying chips and drinks for the girls. nothing crazy.  I don't get why everyone is so judgy about having a party.

MEOWMEKINS

flippy1234:

hterry85:

Are you going to invite any LESS guests if it's not a joint party? If you'd be spending the same either way I'd let it go.

And next time talk to the other parent before you agree to anything.

I'm not even going to bother with the part about an 8th grade party.

This is what I was thinking also. What will be the difference if shes the guest of honor or not?

My SD is "graduating" from 8th grade this year also.. after their "moving up ceremony" she is having about 10 or so friends over for a pool party at our house. We're just buying chips and drinks for the girls. nothing crazy.  I don't get why everyone is so judgy about having a party.

See thats what I'm doing to a pool party,hot dogs hamburgers, chips, dip, pop and sorry ladies no nutter butters,she is an Oreo girl .Last year when my son graduated we didn't have a party since there were like 20 other parties to go to, but I did get him the bottle of sparkling cider to drink, which of course he shook it up and sprayed it all over the front yard. But thanks for all the good advice

jpowell3

MEOWMEKINS:

I told my daughter to ask her if she (the mom) was even coming to the party and that i would need like $50 to help cover the food and decorations. 

So you are spending 100$ on a pool party!!?? If you are so strapped for cash the smart thing to do would have been to check w/the other parent in this equation. Shop at Costco/Sam's club, I'm sure you can get all the food you need for under 40$. They kids probably won't care about decorations either.

And now I'm getting confused. We all know you have skids, I wasn't aware you had any bio kids. How many kids do you have?

paris.inthe.spring

You should not have planned a party for another child without speaking to the other parent FIRST. Oh, gee problem avoided.

At this point, you either need to A.) suck it up and deal with it because you did not take the proper course of action to begin with or B.) change the party for just your daughter which IMHO would be horribley cruel to the other girl.

There could be serious underlying issues in that family that you don't know about. Mom might not be able to afford $50 for a party, and you don't know that since you did not speak to her first. She should have been given the opportunity to say yes or no to this party before it was planned.
SD-Hey Meow, I want to have a shared party with Britney.
You-Ok. Well, I need to speak to Britney's parents first, to make sure that is okay with them, and if it is we will go ahead and plan it.

MEOWMEKINS

jpowell3:

MEOWMEKINS:

I told my daughter to ask her if she (the mom) was even coming to the party and that i would need like $50 to help cover the food and decorations. 

So you are spending 100$ on a pool party!!?? If you are so strapped for cash the smart thing to do would have been to check w/the other parent in this equation. Shop at Costco/Sam's club, I'm sure you can get all the food you need for under 40$. They kids probably won't care about decorations either.

And now I'm getting confused. We all know you have skids, I wasn't aware you had any bio kids. How many kids do you have?

I have 2 kids of my own and 3 step kids

MEOWMEKINS

paris.inthe.spring:

You should not have planned a party for another child without speaking to the other parent FIRST. Oh, gee problem avoided.

At this point, you either need to A.) suck it up and deal with it because you did not take the proper course of action to begin with or B.) change the party for just your daughter which IMHO would be horribley cruel to the other girl.

There could be serious underlying issues in that family that you don't know about. Mom might not be able to afford $50 for a party, and you don't know that since you did not speak to her first. She should have been given the opportunity to say yes or no to this party before it was planned.
SD-Hey Meow, I want to have a shared party with Britney.
You-Ok. Well, I need to speak to Britney's parents first, to make sure that is okay with them, and if it is we will go ahead and plan it.

When the girls asked me they said that it was the other moms idea since she doesnt have a big yard and a pool. I said fine since I was having one for my daughter anyways. But I did try to contact the other mother in several different ways. Once I was getting no response I couldnt just tell the girl " oh well sorry your mom cant answer me so to bad".So she is going to be involved with the party. All the mom had to say was I dont have the money and I would have understood, but she wont even come help cook food or set up or watch the kids. It takes no money to do those things.

paris.inthe.spring

MEOWMEKINS:

paris.inthe.spring:

You should not have planned a party for another child without speaking to the other parent FIRST. Oh, gee problem avoided.

At this point, you either need to A.) suck it up and deal with it because you did not take the proper course of action to begin with or B.) change the party for just your daughter which IMHO would be horribley cruel to the other girl.

There could be serious underlying issues in that family that you don't know about. Mom might not be able to afford $50 for a party, and you don't know that since you did not speak to her first. She should have been given the opportunity to say yes or no to this party before it was planned.
SD-Hey Meow, I want to have a shared party with Britney.
You-Ok. Well, I need to speak to Britney's parents first, to make sure that is okay with them, and if it is we will go ahead and plan it.

When the girls asked me they said that it was the other moms idea since she doesnt have a big yard and a pool. I said fine since I was having one for my daughter anyways. But I did try to contact the other mother in several different ways. Once I was getting no response I couldnt just tell the girl " oh well sorry your mom cant answer me so to bad".So she is going to be involved with the party. All the mom had to say was I dont have the money and I would have understood, but she wont even come help cook food or set up or watch the kids. It takes no money to do those things.

Again, when confronted by CHILDREN with this, you should have said, I need to talk to her mom. This is not the mothers fault, this is your fault for not being the adult in the situation and telling the kids, that until you spoke to the mom there was no joint party.
And your right, it takes no money to help set up/clean up/watch kids. But did you ever think that the girls just told you that it was her idea to get you on board? Me thinks this is what happened.
Regardless, that is all past now, so it can't be changed. But don't be all sour puss, pissypants because you made a poor decision and handled the situation 15 kinds of wrong.

MEOWMEKINS

paris.inthe.spring:

MEOWMEKINS:

paris.inthe.spring:

You should not have planned a party for another child without speaking to the other parent FIRST. Oh, gee problem avoided.

At this point, you either need to A.) suck it up and deal with it because you did not take the proper course of action to begin with or B.) change the party for just your daughter which IMHO would be horrible cruel to the other girl.

There could be serious underlying issues in that family that you don't know about. Mom might not be able to afford $50 for a party, and you don't know that since you did not speak to her first. She should have been given the opportunity to say yes or no to this party before it was planned.
SD-Hey Meow, I want to have a shared party with Britney.
You-OK. Well, I need to speak to Britney's parents first, to make sure that is okay with them, and if it is we will go ahead and plan it.

When the girls asked me they said that it was the other moms idea since she doesn't have a big yard and a pool. I said fine since I was having one for my daughter anyways. But I did try to contact the other mother in several different ways. Once I was getting no response I couldn't just tell the girl " oh well sorry your mom cant answer me so to bad".So she is going to be involved with the party. All the mom had to say was I dont have the money and I would have understood, but she wont even come help cook food or set up or watch the kids. It takes no money to do those things.

Again, when confronted by CHILDREN with this, you should have said, I need to talk to her mom. This is not the mothers fault, this is your fault for not being the adult in the situation and telling the kids, that until you spoke to the mom there was no joint party.
And your right, it takes no money to help set up/clean up/watch kids. But did you ever think that the girls just told you that it was her idea to get you on board? Me thinks this is what happened.
Regardless, that is all past now, so it can't be changed. But don't be all sour puss, pissypants because you made a poor decision and handled the situation 15 kinds of wrong.

So you think its my fault even though I tried to contact the mom by phone, going to her house, and sticking notes on her door?????????? ya ok if thats what you call wrong then I dont know what to tell you. Since you seem to think your so much better then me what should I tell the girl and do you want to pay for my daughters party? No you wouldn't

karatechrissy

MEOWMEKINS:

paris.inthe.spring:

MEOWMEKINS:

paris.inthe.spring:

You should not have planned a party for another child without speaking to the other parent FIRST. Oh, gee problem avoided.

At this point, you either need to A.) suck it up and deal with it because you did not take the proper course of action to begin with or B.) change the party for just your daughter which IMHO would be horrible cruel to the other girl.

There could be serious underlying issues in that family that you don't know about. Mom might not be able to afford $50 for a party, and you don't know that since you did not speak to her first. She should have been given the opportunity to say yes or no to this party before it was planned.
SD-Hey Meow, I want to have a shared party with Britney.
You-OK. Well, I need to speak to Britney's parents first, to make sure that is okay with them, and if it is we will go ahead and plan it.

When the girls asked me they said that it was the other moms idea since she doesn't have a big yard and a pool. I said fine since I was having one for my daughter anyways. But I did try to contact the other mother in several different ways. Once I was getting no response I couldn't just tell the girl " oh well sorry your mom cant answer me so to bad".So she is going to be involved with the party. All the mom had to say was I dont have the money and I would have understood, but she wont even come help cook food or set up or watch the kids. It takes no money to do those things.

Again, when confronted by CHILDREN with this, you should have said, I need to talk to her mom. This is not the mothers fault, this is your fault for not being the adult in the situation and telling the kids, that until you spoke to the mom there was no joint party.
And your right, it takes no money to help set up/clean up/watch kids. But did you ever think that the girls just told you that it was her idea to get you on board? Me thinks this is what happened.
Regardless, that is all past now, so it can't be changed. But don't be all sour puss, pissypants because you made a poor decision and handled the situation 15 kinds of wrong.

So you think its my fault even though I tried to contact the mom by phone, going to her house, and sticking notes on her door?????????? ya ok if thats what you call wrong then I dont know what to tell you. Since you seem to think your so much better then me what should I tell the girl and do you want to pay for my daughters party? No you wouldn't

Really????? Out of what Paris said to you, you're still going around and trying to play the victm. No, it's not your fault that the mother chose to behave this way. It IS your fault that you weren't the responsible adult in the first place and say to the CHILDREN 'I will have to discuss it with so-and-so's mom first.' Thus, avoiding ALLLLL of this that you are in now. This all could have easily been avoided. As other posters have pointed out, you would have ended up throwing this party anyway. You were obviously counting on spending money. I would bet money that the two girls all have the same friends, and you would end up spending the same amt of money had you just thrown the party for SD (or DD I don't remember which one you said it was), the same kids will more than likely be there. It isn't hurting you. Sure you are pissed at the other kids mom, rightfully so, but your justifications and your pitty party act is annoying. You made the wrong move in handling the situation. Everyone here has told you that. Get over it, move on.

paris.inthe.spring

In the end, yes I think it is your fault for not being responsible enough to talk to the mom BEFORE you agreed to this party.
If your kid corners you in a situation and asks you if another child can go on vacation with you, or spend the night, or go to dinner or FFS asks you to have  joint party with another child the ADULT thing to do is to tell the kids that you need to speak with the other parents FIRST and if they are okay with it THEN we will go ahead and make those plans. What don't you get about that????? This all would have been avoided.

I did not agree to throw anyone a party, so no I would not pay for your daughters party. I am not condoning the behavior of this mom, but a.) you are just as wrong as she is in this situation and b.) your judgment of a woman you don't know is rather irritating. You have no idea what is or is not going on in this woman's life, and it sucks that you are being such a mommy martyr.

MEOWMEKINS

Thank you to all the ladies who gave kind advice. To the ones who didnt you know where to put it, go back to high school mean girls. THANK YOU

paris.inthe.spring

MEOWMEKINS:

Thank you to all the ladies who gave kind advice. To the ones who didnt you know where to put it, go back to high school mean girls. THANK YOU

If you are looking for rainbows and puppies, maybe you should post on babygaga. Telling the truth, is not being mean. there is a different. 

paris.inthe.spring

MEOWMEKINS:

Thank you to all the ladies who gave kind advice. To the ones who didnt you know where to put it, go back to high school mean girls. THANK YOU

If you are looking for rainbows and puppies, maybe you should post on babygaga. Telling the truth, is not being mean. there is a difference.