Grandparents just dropping in?!

ash2

My mom calls me at 7:30 this morning and wanted to know if her and my stepdad could come by today to see the kids. I said that I wasn't sure what DH and I were doing, but I would call her back after I talked to him. I called her back at 10:15 and before I can tell her if its ok or not, she tells me that they are already on their way and will be here in 20 minutes. I told her that I thought that was rude and that she shouldn't just assume that it was ok. She told me that she doesn't think she should have to ask to come by the house and see the kids. I think that anyone should have to ask first, regardless of who you are. Am I wrong in thinking this?

Melissa & Eddie

I agree with you and feel the same way.  Family or not I think that it's just common courtesy. 

ladyalmalthea

She can come by unnanounced, but that doesn't guarantee anyone will answer the door!

 

tara07733

That would totally not bother me unless, of course, it's someone I already have issues with. I'd love to have more visits from my parents, announced or otherwise. I'd be fine with a call when they're on the way. Only negative thing is, I there's no call in advance, we may not be home and they'd waste time & gas.

GeminA1

it wouldn't bother me, BUT I think it just depends.  every family is different.

my side of the family is all like that.  we always were...just dropping in if you are passing by the house.

DH's side is not like that at all, so it would be odd if someone on his side just dropped by unannounced.

tara07733

GeminA2:

it wouldn't bother me, BUT I think it just depends.  every family is different.

my side of the family is all like that.  we always were...just dropping in if you are passing by the house.

DH's side is not like that at all, so it would be odd if someone on his side just dropped by unannounced.

Great point. It does depend on what each family is use to. That's probably why it's no big deal to me--my family always drop in at my parents' house.

Sweets2005

Wow that is rude but good for you for saying so!

tmrtink

Oh don't even get me started on this. RUDE RUDE RUDE!!! I had written a while ago about my IL's dropping in even AFTER we told them we didn't want company-AND another time where after they got here and we didn't answer the door-they used their KEY and let themselves IN THE HOUSE!! UGH!!! some people.....

HarrietNJMommy

No one "just drops by" at our house. You need to call first. It's one of our rules......

erino&chrish

I think it's rude to stop by or invite yourself over.  And you're just setting yourself up for them doing it again if you let them in when they get there.

susanmosley

I hate when people drop by!!!

Notwifezilla7

I think what would piss me off more then anything is the fact she called and you told her you'd call her back, and then they had already decided to come w/o your response. I would purposely go out in that situation.

Daisy77

I normally don't mind if either drops in without saying something, especially my mom since she doesn't get over our way a whole lot.  However, I think it is smart of them to call first because there is a good chance we won't be home or we're busy with yardwork (dirty, mid-mowing, etc.).  If they're coming over I can make sure we're prepped to visit instead out back digging in the dirt, lol.

brightning

Very rude.

And this makes me soooo glad that my family is 2,000 miles away because my mom is not good with boundaries and would be popping in all the time.

MeanMommyLady

Honestly, we are a just drop by family.  I wish that we lived close enough that my mom and dad could just come by whenever...the four states in between us make that a little impossible.  When I am in Phoenix (where my family is) we all drop by to see each other, and a call from down the street is totally normal.

Temp174496125006552

Well, the fact that you told her it was rude and she shouldn't assume she can just come over probably put her on the defensive, which, I'm guessing, is why you got the answer that she gave you. 

My mom will often stop by during the week to drop something off that she got for one of the kids, or if she is in the neighborhood and needs to use the bathroom, she wants to see Ben, etc.  I have no problem with it.  The only thing is that sometimes when she stops by, Ben and I are out.  She has a key, so she'll usually leave a note or call/email me later to let me know that she stopped by.  Occasionally, other members of my family will drop by unannounced and it doesn't really bother me.  If I'm in the middle of something and it's not a good time, I just tell them.  But mostly, it's fine and I will chat with them for a bit.

DH's family is not the 'stop by without a call' kind, so if they did show up at the front door with no warning, it would be weird.

littlemommy1

How do you make it a rule for someone to at least call? My FIL comes by all the time without calling or making prior arrangements. Many times he'll call when he's here and we are gone. Then he gets rude and says "Well, you guys are never home when I come by!" I tell him it'd be a great idea to call first instead of driving 30 miles for no reason. He doesn't get it! It happened again this weekend!

TupeloChick

Just ask her this:

"Since you think it's ok to just drop by without asking, then do you also think I should be able to just drop the kids off with you whenever without asking first?"

 

 

Mrs.Hizzo

HarrietNJMommy:

No one "just drops by" at our house. You need to call first. It's one of our rules......

This.

Liz342

My biggest pet peeve is when people stop by unannounced.  It would be ok for someone like my sister or parents to do this (they NEVER would though they always call) but anyone else, it bothers me.

DH's family loves to just "stop by" without calling.  How hard is it to call first and what if we weren't home?  I have to lock my door 24/7 because DH's grandma who lives down the street will literally just walk into our house.

Yesterday, I was out on our deck in a bikini (in my 2 weeks post partum grossness) trying to get some color and I was very careful to make sure no neighbors would be able to see me, etc. and all of a sudden DH yells out to me that his uncle and cousin were standing at the front door.  He had to tell them to wait so I could put clothes on (you can see out to the deck from the livingroom).  I was so annoyed.

spark&echo

This is a huge annoyance to me.  My MIL, who I love, lives a block away and always welcomes people dropping by whenever.  We used to drop by often before our son was born.  After he was born, she would give me the tiniest bit of notice (we're talking 10 minutes) that she was on her way over.  Most of the time I would just let her in, but soon it became overwhelming and she was just stopping by randomly.  I was dealing with PPD and felt really weird about her just coming over.  I finally stopped answering the door, mainly because she was coming by when I was busy or trying to nap or something.  And she got the picture.  She now knows that I am the kind of person who likes advance notice, and she gives it to me.

Some people just have boundary issues and you have to set limits.  It may make things a little awkward at first but in the end it's for the best.