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Working Mom vent
All of my friends either don't work at all or work two days a week. I work 5 days a week, 8-9 hours a day. I'm finding it harder to relate to them and even hang out with them. I get home at 6ish everyday and spend the evenings doing dinner, bath, and spending time with my daughter. Weekends are spend running errands, cleaning the house and doing laundry. I got so aggravated recently when I was out running errands on a Saturday and some friends of ours called us to come over now for a BBQ. Sounded great except for I still had two stops to make and DD still needed her nap. When I told them it would have to be later that afternoon, evening they got all mad and asked why I couldn't do all my stuff later. There is no later for me! UGH! None of the wives work, so they spend the whole weekend playing instead of running errands and cleaning the house. Don't get me wrong, I like to relax on the weekends too, but I still have a lot that needs to get done. Anyone else in this situation? It's becoming harder and harder to relate to them. Now I'm seriously beginning to think about getting a housekeeper. It will be an extra cost, but it would be worth it to not have to get SO much done on the weekends. Thanks for listening to me vent.
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Re: Working Mom vent
get a housekeeper if you can fit it in your budget. it's the best thing we've done (right now they come every 5-6 weeks or so) and LO isn't even here for 10 more weeks. They are coming tomorrow and I am thrilled.
Well, if they aren't understanding of your schedule, thats your issue. I have a friend who had a child 8 years before me, went to PT, then switched PT jobs, and now has 2 kids - all before I had a child. ANd I still work FT.
I don't have any problem "relating" w/ her. But we both understand our different schedules and work w/ it and dont' get pissy when things don't work out, and understand we may not see each other as much as before.
But- other things that lend to help - we have a housekeeper, and I also squeeze in as many errands during the week as I can, and/or ask DH to do some stuff, and/or go out after DS goes to bed while DH is home.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Hi- I do understand what you are saying. All of my girlfriends with kids stay home/or work a couple days a week and since I have been on maternity leave its been great doing things with them. I go back to work tomorrow
I am working 5 days but only 34 not 40 hrs a week. I am so bummed that I cant do the zoo/play dates etc during the week any more and feel like I am going to miss out.
Also, they all are going on vacation at the end of the summer and I emailed my manager about getting that week off and cant!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so mad I just want to quit but cant (yet). I keep trying to find a way for me to stay home or another job that isnt as time consuming. GRRRRRR
I completely understand feeling stressed and overwhelmed working full time and being a mom but I think some of your aggravation with your friends in self-imposed. You say you can't see them during the week but then you can't see them during the weekends. Then you wonder why the get a little irritated. When do you want to see them. I know there are errands that need to be done, but maybe do one each night a couple nights a week on your way to daycare so there's not as much to do on the weekends. Definitely hire a housekeeper if you can afford it and maybe consider grocery delivery if its available in your area. Also, you could invite a friend over one night after work. I have a friend why stays home and lives over 30 minutes away so sometimes she will drive over and get here around when we get home. We order dinner, let the kids play on the floor, take them for a walk etc.
But whatever you do, go to a bbq and enjoy your friends every so often. It seems to me like you need to make a little more of an effort to see them.
I didn't say that I wasn't going to the BBQ, just I couldn't drop what I was doing and go right then. I do see them on the weekends - and yes I do get irritated when they get mad because I can't come right now and in two hours won't do. We can afford a housekeeper, so it's something that would be worth it to save some time.
Even SAH spouses get irritated when they are trying to make plans and someone they've invited over wants it on their terms. Don't get me wrong, if they were having a big all-day BBQ with a bunch of people and you told them you'd stop in later after your errands, I don't see why they'd be upset, but if they invited just y'all over for lunch or had their own plans for later in the day (this sounds like a spur-of-the-moment thing, not an all day bash), I can understand why "No, I can't do it now, I'll be over some time later but I don't know when" (which it seems like basically the response you gave) was annoying. If you wouldn't have had time to do "your stuff" later, is it possible you might have had to bail totally on them? If they got that vibe or it's happened before, again, understandable for them to be upset.
Honestly, it comes across like you're bitter because you see them as having it on easy street and expect them to be understanding and work around your schedule, when it's *your* schedule, not theirs. If you are frazzled, a housekeeper sounds like a great idea to take some of the stress off.
yes, yes, and yes! I can totally relate to you. I am in a similar situation that all of my peirs are SAHM's while I work and they expect me to have similar flexibilities.
That said, I think of the things that I do have, that they don't, and I instantly feel better. To name a few:
1- I'm not yelling at my kids all day long
2- by the end of the day, they want to get away from it all, and I am delighted to be home with LOs
3- every day for them is the same. There is no weekend. For WMs, weekends are amazing
4- We are saving money and they aren't
5- I'm securing my career, in 4 years they'll be very bored and be out of the workforce for a long time; a job will be hard to find.
I could go on and on........just focus on yourself and the positive, not the other stuff. If you can afford it, get a cleaning lady twice a month. As far as relating to your friends, I think that you don't have time for get togethers friends right now! Keep in touch and close with your friends, but you cannot go to all the extras. Just focus on your famiy for the time being. Everyone else can take a number.
It is hard, but you just have to focus on what you need to do. Also, realize with 2 FT working parents you are just not going to get it all done. We had to majorly readjust our expectations.
You need to enjoy life too-- your friends probably miss you.