Natural Birth
scared to hire a doula...
So I am kind of a modest/private person. I really want a doula to help but I keep thinking what If I hire someone and then end up not wanting her there? I mean, technicaly it would be like a stranger in the room...what if I get annoyed or uncomfortable and just regret the fact that now I have this random person in the room with me? Just ask her to leave? Sorry if this is a wierd question lol. Anyone else think this way? I'm pretty sure this wouldnt happen but for some reason I just keep thinking it...
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Re: scared to hire a doula...
I'm a very private person, too. I am not looking forward to being mostly naked or whatever in front of midwives, strangers, etc. But we did hire a doula. We interviewed a lot of them before selecting the one we felt most comfortable with.
The nice thing about doulas is they are there solely for you. If you want yours to be hands-off, just tell her and she should stand back. You can tell the doula you'd like her to have your SO participate and she can direct him, or whatever. You can come up with a plan together that makes you comfortable. And you don't even have to call the doula to come until you are at a point where you really need her.
I went back and forth on this, but the statistics and stories I heard all make having a doula seem pretty worth it in the end. Plus, I am sure modesty will go out the window at some point during labor and I will just want all the help I can get to make it through labor. Good luck with your decision!
You get to with them a few times beforehand so they are not a complete stranger, they go over your wants for the birth and techniques etc.. so by the time the 'time' comes I really feel like you will feel differently, like she is a part of it more than just a stranger.
I have had only one meeting with mine so far but she, DH and I just talked about everything for about 2 hrs and I am so much more comfortable already.
But yes, if that day comes and you really don't want her there just ask her to leave - they are there so you (hopefully) get the birth that you want so if that means no her, your wish is her command!
I had a doula with my 3rd birth and it was wonderful to have someone solely focused on my needs and nothing else.
Hopefully when you hire your doula you don't consider them some random person, they should be meeting with you throughout your pregnancy. The nurse and others are completely random though.
Honestly though... it's pretty impossible to be modest while having a natural child birth.
I'm very shy and private and I was so thankful I had my doula. A key factor in choosing a doula is finding someone who you feel at ease with. My doula was so reassuring that I honestly don't know how I would have made it through my birth. I don't know if this is your first baby but I think you will find that modesty pretty much goes out the window during childbirth. You get over it fast and when you're in the middle of a contraction or getting ready to meet your baby, it's the last thing on your mind. You will also meet with your doula several times before your birth, so she won't seem like a total stranger or some random person.
Worst case scenario, you can always ask her to leave for a little bit or altogether. She is working for you.
Or any kind of childbirth! My husband now knows what my intestines look like LOL.
I am so incredibly modest. I won't even go to the bathroom in front of DH, so I couldn't imagine that my modesty would truly go out the window during childbirth. But it did! And I gave birth buck-naked, on all 4s, and when DS's head came out I literally stood up on the bed (it was such a relief of pressure that the standing was a total reflex - I didn't even realize I was standing until the doctor said, "uuhhh, can you please come back down?") LOL. Seriously, you're not going to care during childbirth who sees you.
Now, you may care AFTERWARDS whether somebody has seen you in such a vulnerable position or not! So if you aren't interested in your Dad/best friend/neighbor/aunt/uncle/etc. knowing what you look like naked, you should make a note of that now and make sure he won't be in the room while you're in labor and delivering. But by the time your birth rolls around, your doula will hardly be a stranger. You'll have visited and talked over your plans. She'll tell you the services she normally provides (pre-birth; during-birth; post-partum, etc.) and you'll have gotten to know each other. Just be sure to arm yourself with good interview questions so that you can choose the doula that is right for you. Honestly, I couldn't have done it without my doula. DH was awesome, but I needed him AND my doula to get through labor and delivery. I can't imagine you'd regret hiring a doula, you may regret not hiring one - especially over the modesty issue, because that does become a moot point during the event.
Keep interviewing until you find someone you click with. It will be worth it!
We met with our doula twice beforehand, and I had no modesty during L&D and we were so grateful to have her there to support us. Plus she got some amazing pictures of our new family in the first moments after I delivered her, and they are priceless. (She also got some pics of her crowning, which made me cringe at first, but I looked at them and it was kind of awesome to see those images afterward. And then delete them permanently!)
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Hire one!!!! I think it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I could not have done it without them ( I had two cause they were students!!!! Double the benefits.)
Honestly, once labor really started, a marching band could have gone through the room and I don't think I would have known the difference.