SAHMs who "don't get time off"

MrsRebecca

I constantly see this here. What is your husband's role at home and in parenting?  What do they do after work and on weekends? 

I don't get this concept.

ETA: SAHMs who have deployed husbands are exempt from this question. It's obvious why your husbands don't share parenting/houseold maintenance on a daily basis

MamatoJackson

My gimp-ass husband didn't until recently.  lol

Now that he can walk, he's doing quite a bit.  Rocking the baby back to sleep (again), as we speak because I did it twice and my back was starting to hurt so I asked him to take over.

I could see him not helping more if DH did a really physical job and was just physically beat after work...

But he's in I.T.... so he can help. lol 

mrsfox1369

DH is up at 7 am, he goes to work 9 am to 9 pm [some days 9 am to 11 pm] he comes home, eats dinner, goes to bed. He has 1 day off a week and we spend it visiting our family. I wouldn't expect him to get up during the night or even do the manly jobs like mow the lawn when I'm able to get a nap during the day if I need it.. he gets a 30 min. lunch and a 10 min. break during his work day.

Oh he does take the trash out with him every morning and bring the mail in with him

sleepingbeauty825

Working moms don't get time off either.

I take that back... My hour long lunch break is like heaven.

diana.filipi

My husband does a TON.  He does all the outside maintenance and inside fix-it jobs, he interacts with her at lunch time while I make the meal, he changes diapers all the time (it's his go to if she's crying LOL), he puts her to bed, and I'm sure some other stuff.  He doesn't have boobs so he can't really get up with her in the night if she wakes for a feeding.

Hubs plays pool on Monday's so he is only home for about an hour between work and pool to eat dinner.  I don't make it on purpose unitl he gets home so that he will play with Ophelia while I make dinner.  I can have some other night during the week to go out if I want it.

All that said, I do get time off.  My job is never over but then again a working mom's job is never done either.  She just has two very different jobs.

MrsRebecca

sleepingbeauty825:

Working moms don't get time off either.

 

I take that back... My hour long lunch break is like heaven.

I know, but I bet when you are both at home you share parenting and household stuff.

I don't get the SAHMs who do 100% of everything with no contribution from their partners.  At least with working moms everything is shared.

sleepingbeauty825

MrsRebecca:

sleepingbeauty825:

Working moms don't get time off either.

 

I take that back... My hour long lunch break is like heaven.

I know, but I bet when you are both at home you share parenting and household stuff.

I don't get the SAHMs who do 100% of everything with no contribution from their partners.  At least with working moms everything is shared.

That's true. It would be 1000x more difficult if my H didn't help out, or if I didn't have an H at all!

diana.filipi

In general, I'd be a real b*tch if my DH didn't help.  I don't think it has much to do with wether a woman is working in or out of the home.  Some men are dicks and some women don't mind.  I don't mean the situations like the pp's where he works 12 hour days or something, that's different obviously. 

daisy_dueller

*edited post to actually answer the original question, instead of just complain*

DH is really, really good with Evan. He takes him places, and does alot with him. He however, does not do putting clothes on, making formula, cleaning bottles, washing clothes, feeding him his cereal...things like that.

On the homefront, he *does* his own laundry (washes and dries it, then leaves in in a pile on the floor for a couple of days), takes the garbage and recycling out, vacuuming, and his bathroom. The rest of the house I take care of myself.

It gets exhausting, and I'm passive aggressive, so I don't usually say anything to him, and when I've had enough I blow up. It's awful, but I have no idea how to not be that way.

JinglesChic

DH is a career fireman and a business owner. So for 24 hours every four days plus overtime, he really is MIA. The rest of the days, he works 8a-11p in the home office, no lie. He usually takes a weekend day off, but its no guarentee. When he does, I try to have him do most of the feedings, etc, but DH is so out of tune with what DS needs that I end up involved. I can't complain; his busy schedule allows me to stay home. But I wish he'd do a daddy and DS day every now and then. I don't trust the ILs to watch DS alone.

Luv-a-Bug

My DH plays WoW.  'Nuff said.

jessicaclare

MamatoJackson:

I could see him not helping more if DH did a really physical job and was just physically beat after work...

My DH has a physical job and is very tired after work and he still helps a ton. In fact, he sometimes works 12 hour days, and he still comes home and helps me. I work two days a week, so I'm home with the girls most fo the time. 

Everyone does what works for them, but I would never have married a man that thought he was exempt from a middle of the night diaper change. I have two kids, I don't lay around and eat bon bons or nap all freaking day. 

daisy_dueller

Luv-a-Bug:

My DH plays WoW.  'Nuff said.

My DH has a love affair with his playstation, so I feel your pain. I think he's playing out his childhood fantasies...because no grown ass man should be able to sit on his duff playing video games for hours.

Heavncentt

Luv-a-Bug:  Funny comment, I so relate. I just laughed when I read what you wrote.  DH really got into WoW awhile before DS was born, but he has only played a few times in the early weekend mornings since the baby was born. Last week, he told me he cancelled his account.  BUT, he is on to other hobbies now....he goes in spurts. Now it's a band he joined and he's building an arcade cabinet. Men, I tell ya. He does help out, but he could always do more.

MrsRebecca

Luv-a-Bug:

My DH plays WoW.  'Nuff said.

LOL. Sounds like my BIL.

truhle

When DS was first born, I did pretty much everything related to the baby and the house. In my mind, S/O has his job and I have mine (being a SAHM). Some days are super easy for me, some days are not, whether its with the baby or if there are a lot of chores to get done. I started to get annoyed when S/O would leave his clothes in the middle of the living room, or dirty dishes, etc and like one PP, I am passive aggressive as well and didn't say anything.

After a while, I became super bitchy and annoyed 24/7. S/O and I were bickering over nothing a lot. And then one day, very recently, S/O had some sort of epiphany and apologized for not helping around the house as much. And as far as helping with DS goes, he is going to start taking him for one full day on the weekends out and about with him so that I can get a true break. But, when it comes to getting up at night, I do the dirty work here. I figure, I am really only up for about 20 minutes in the middle of the night, is it REALLY worth it to me wake up S/O to change a diaper? No. 

 All in all, we are trying to be a 'modernized' version of the traditional SAHM and working daddy type family. But, in addition to all of this recent help from S/O, we are both thinking that I'm just not really cut out to be a SAHM. Somedays I am very down in the dumps from not getting out and interacting with adults and at my age (21) it can be difficult to find either a) friends my own age who don't mind being around DS or b) mommy friends who are older than me and married that won't judge me because I am not married...SO, I am looking to go back into the workforce and I'm not sure how this will change our household/family dynamic......

 

yikes. long post. haha. 

Anniekins214

Luv-a-Bug:

My DH plays WoW.  'Nuff said.

Ah..another WoW widow.   I feel your pain.   DH does spend time with my daughter, though (after I got on his ass about it).

cschlomann

Luv-a-Bug:

My DH plays WoW.  'Nuff said.

This. DH does help me, but I have to ask for the help, he won't just do it on his own. And "right now is a really bad time for him because its NBA playoffs". Oh really DH, now would be a really good time for you to sleep on the couch.

Torani

Luv-a-Bug:

My DH plays WoW.  'Nuff said.

We actually both play but obviously a lot less than we used to. He actually complained the other day that he only had time to play one dungeon before I got home from work! The horror! Now he actually plays my account to help me catch up to him. What I love is that there are chores to do and I keep finding him on the computer instead! He actually said that putting away the laundry is too big of a job for him to do alone. Really DH? A tip for you WoW widows: have DH hold LO when they are just flying around, DS loves it!

Jolaine83

I will always do more with DS then DH does.  But that's because it's my "job" between the hours of 7-5 while he's at work.  At night we have a system where each night one of us is "in charge" of attending to DS's needs.  So, DH does do a lot of work around the house and helps with DS. 

BUT...DH tends to do work that is that I wouldn't put on as high of a priority.  When I am getting things done, I do dishes, cleaning, making bottles, grocery lists/meal plans (things that have to be done to start a new day).  When he works, he fixes minor things on our vehicles, mows the lawn, cleans the carpets (we have a elderly cat who pees in one room) and tinkers with those "honey do list" items around the house.  In my mind, these are great weekend items, but he feels it's his job to get these taken care of ASAP.  So, in the end, I do do most of the household work.  I just can't claim he's not working too.

DH takes helps take care of DS between the hours of 5:30 and 8:30 M-F (when I'm cleaning up, making dinner and cleaning up again.)  I get a little more of a break on the weekends (he takes DS so I can sleep in another hour or so).  Otherwise, DS tends to be in my care. 

So when I'm in a whiny mood, it seems to me like I never get a break.  In all honesty, DH works just as much as I do.  He just doesn't consider his handy work at home the same as his job during the week.  So it seems like he gets "time off" to do what he wants, when in all reality, he's always getting something done when I'm also "on the job."

I suppose if I worked, it'd seem to me and everyone else to be a lot more equal on the outside.

nv2009

diana.filipi:

In general, I'd be a real b*tch if my DH didn't help.  I don't think it has much to do with wether a woman is working in or out of the home.  Some men are dicks and some women don't mind.  I don't mean the situations like the pp's where he works 12 hour days or something, that's different obviously. 

I agree.  I mean I work 13 hour days and leave the house at 5:30 to be at work by 6:30 and I get home late and exhausted.  But I still manage to do all the mommy duties when I get home.  Luckily I have a VERY hands on husband, and if I didn't I would whip him into shape because that nonsense doens't fly in my house.  We are equal partners

LSzwaya

I don't get time off because I work from home in the evenings when DH gets home. So he takes over baby duty and I hit the computer to work.

MarthaP18

sleepingbeauty825:

Working moms don't get time off either.

I take that back... My hour long lunch break is like heaven.

This. Except I rarely get to take my lunch break. FML.

kcisthebombdotcom

Luv-a-Bug:

My DH plays WoW.  'Nuff said.

This is going to sound terrible, but I would never let my DH spend all his time playing video games. We usually compromise on this, and DH will usually do something big around the house to help out and asks if he can have some alone time to play. He usually will go for about an hour. He's gone 50 hours a week and wants to spend his free time with DS and I, so it isn't really an issue.

I don't get how women let their husbands get away with playing video games and not helping out at all with childcare/household stuff.

kcisthebombdotcom

daisy_dueller:

*edited post to actually answer the original question, instead of just complain*

DH is really, really good with Evan. He takes him places, and does alot with him. He however, does not do putting clothes on, making formula, cleaning bottles, washing clothes, feeding him his cereal...things like that.

On the homefront, he *does* his own laundry (washes and dries it, then leaves in in a pile on the floor for a couple of days), takes the garbage and recycling out, vacuuming, and his bathroom. The rest of the house I take care of myself.

It gets exhausting, and I'm passive aggressive, so I don't usually say anything to him, and when I've had enough I blow up. It's awful, but I have no idea how to not be that way.

I think we may have the same marriage. My DH is the same way. I can't complain too much, since he does the cooking, but I definitely do the majority of the chores and it is a struggle with us. He definitely helps out some and I can't say he doesn't do anything, but he's not as helpful as he should be. My DH has NEVER cleaned the bathroom ever in the 5 years we've been together, so I'm kind of jealous about that.

Mereou12

I'm in your ETA population with a deployed husband...but when he's home, he most definitely does his fair share!

I'm with you -- I'd never be cool with doing 100% of the domestic duties. DH works incredibly long hours when he's not deployed, and he still helps out. He enjoys cooking (it's a chore to me) and often does his own laundry. I'm very, very, very thankful for the help that he gives me when he's home!

ocho2002

MrsRebecca:

sleepingbeauty825:

Working moms don't get time off either.

 

I take that back... My hour long lunch break is like heaven.

I know, but I bet when you are both at home you share parenting and household stuff.

I don't get the SAHMs who do 100% of everything with no contribution from their partners.  At least with working moms everything is shared.

 

Um, no its not.  I still do90% of the care for DS AND I work longer hours than DH.

Stephanie586

ocho2002:

MrsRebecca:

sleepingbeauty825:

Working moms don't get time off either.

 

I take that back... My hour long lunch break is like heaven.

I know, but I bet when you are both at home you share parenting and household stuff.

I don't get the SAHMs who do 100% of everything with no contribution from their partners.  At least with working moms everything is shared.

 

Um, no its not.  I still do90% of the care for DS AND I work longer hours than DH.

This. Everyone's situation is differnt. Thats why these wide spread generalizations always create a firestorm because there is always an exception. DH is in school and working so I work and do almost all the household chores, pay bills, etc.

alli2672

I get this.  When you SAH, then you take care of children, cook, and clean in lieu of a paying job.  So, you are at work all day and all night.

When you WOH, then you go to work and you come home.  At home, I get to do the things I like to do, like play outside, cook, give baths, giggle, and read books.  It doesn't seem like "work."  It seems like my free time.

    

Boizmom

My husband works 14 hours a day, 6 days a week.  He leaves the house at 7:45 and takes the kids to school, he's not home until at least 10:30 or 11 at night, when he comes home he eats dinner and goes to bed.  His only day off is Sunday.  On those days he does help out as much as he can which involves all yard work.  We try and make Sundays a day where he goes and does something with the older boys while I hang out at home with the baby or get out on my own to get some errands taken care of or just to do something for myself.  Then we spend the evening as a family.  Monday through Saturday though I am on my own taking care of the kids, the house and anything else that comes my way - without a break.  Me and the kids are in constant "go" mode with Drs appointments (for the baby), basketball practice/games, cleaning or doing something around the house and play dates.  I do not get a break, ever.  We don't have family nearby and all of my friends have their own children and families.  I don't complain though about not getting a break.  I knew what I was getting into when I decided to become a SAHM.  This is my job.  Yes, my job never ends and it's always with me, but I love my life and wouldn't change it for the world.