Your relationship with DH/SO

aocain02@yahoo.com

How is your relationship with your DH/SO since having your LO?

Mine is definitely different and we seem to fight a lot more than we used to.  We've always argued a lot, it just makes us who we are.  Now it feels like we fight every night and it's really wearing on me.   

MrsRebecca

I was really worried, but so far we've been fine. We've partnered a lot more than I thought we would. DH has never been around babies so it took him awhile to be comfortable with DS but now he's such an awesome hands on dad! I figured that would cause some fights, but he really stepped up and figured things out.

I honestly think that we'd be fighting and having problems if I had gone back to work. When we first got married (we had never lived together) we fought a LOT. DH works nights and doesn't have weekends off so I never saw him. The adjustment of being married, learning to live together and never seeing each other really wore us down.

This is why we chose for me to SAH. I could get a job where I worked similar hours to DH but it makes childcare almost impossible (we'd have to do a nanny in-home). I also would only take home a few hundred after paying the nanny so there was kind of no point.

We are both SO happy with me being at home because it removes one stressor from my life which makes life easier on all of us.

sleepingbeauty825

He has really stepped up to the plate as a dad and it makes me feel guilty but I don't change it. It's a self-perpetuating process and I hate it.

Shell24

We have more stupid fights.  Because he does stupid things like take my DD to the beach and not change her diaper (a regular one, not a swim one) before putting her in her carseat so the fabric is soaked and she's super uncomfortable the whole way home. 

Or somehow be able to continue watching a tv show while our DS is screaming on his playmat and I'm trying to give my DD a bath, or do bedtime or whatever. 

We have had some little tiff everyday for a week at some points but then have gone longer times with no fights at all.  It's a crapshoot. 

I'm sorry it's getting you down, though.  Can you pinpoint what exactly the arguments are about, the triggers, etc.?  A lot of arguments aren't really about what someone is truly upset about, so if you can identify what the core issues are maybe you could avoid some of the fights?

poison489

I can say things have gotten better in some ways and worse in others.  My husband believes that you should never fight.  His parents fought constantly and continue to do so to this day.  Now that we have a child involved, he gets this attitude of we have to get a divorce because we shouldn't subject our child to any fighting.  No matter what you tell him, he believes any fighting is to much.  He also has the disadvantage of when things are bad, they are all bad, but when things are good they are all good.  So, what I am getting at, is our good times are great, and our bad times suck.

sunnysmile9

DH and I actually fight significantly less now that we have our little girl.  We fought a lot toward the end of my pregnancy because I was tired and stressed and uncomfortable ... quite frankly, he didn't understand and the hormones didn't help that in the slightest. 

As cliche as it sounds, having DD has really brought us together.  We've always had our common goals and whatnot, but right now, we are both actively trying to work toward the same thing: raising a happy, healthy, and loved baby.  That and we get MUCH less time together to just be us--so I think we appreciate that time more now than we ever did before.

Anniekins214

We never used to fight.  It doesn't happen much, but when it does, it's really hard on both of us, because it wasn't like that before.

CJ2008

ours is different mainly b/c we don't spend a lot of time together. I work 20 hours a week and DH works full time, but LO doesn't go to daycare, so I work when DH doesn't. So most of the time one of us is home with LO and the other is gone. Then when we are both home usually one of us is cleaning or napping, then we switch lol. we don't really fight, never really have, but I just miss spending more time together.

ourlove4ever

Actually our relationship seems better...we fought like anyone else but now we both seem to be clamer. I think it is also eaiser right now because I am on maternity leave, I am not sure what it will be like once we are both at work...but my DH really does a lot to help both DS and me in addition to all of the things he did before we had our DS (ie mow the lawn, do most of the laundry etc) I feel lucky that we actually have this equal partnership which I was concerned about us having once the baby came.

MarthaP18

He's great with the baby and does a lot, but we're fighting a lot about other things. I really have no desire to get into it on here, but it's pretty bad right now.