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jenny1980
member
Lucy, 12/27/2009
Alright, I'm going to say it re: SAH
jenny1980
member
SAH with one baby (I understand it's assuredly different when you have a toddler or more than one) is pretty damn easy as long as your baby isn't difficulty/colicky/etc (in which case you deserve a medal).
All of this "you have the toughest job in the world" is nonsense, at least for this stage. Seriously. I have a ton of time to get stuff done around the house, play online, cook, etc. My job was waaaaaaaay more difficult and stressful.
I will say that being at home can be isolating, lonely, etc. and therefore "hard", but it's not difficult in terms of the actual work if you have an average baby.
Flame on, yo.
Lucy, 12/27/2009
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Alright, I'm going to say it re: SAH
No flames here. My DD was a super easy baby, as is my DS. If I had just one of them as infants, it would be a cakewalk!
When I was on maternity leave with my DD I napped during the day all the time, It was great! And she was STTN at 8 weeks. My DS isn't as good of a night sleeper. He's finally only waking up once at night. That makes it hard the next day when I need to be up for my DD. And if I can ever get them to nap at the same time it will be a freaking miracle. It's happened once in almost 4 months!!
And to be honest, I still have time to get things done during the day. My DD plays independently. There are times she doesn't even want me in her room! And while my DS is awake for a good chunk of time now he loves being on his playmat and my DD really enjoys entertaining him and making him laugh
So even with two, I find time to do some dishes, dust, clean the bathroom, etc..
I think SAH is harder than my job because of those two things. Not knowing how to console my screaming child and not being able to make him feel better is a thousand times more stressful than what I do at work. Maybe my guy would fall into the 'high maintenance' category though.
Hot damn! I get two medals. DD was colicky and now I have 2, and yes, having a toddler is much different. Everything that I accomplish during the day rapidly gets un-done. That started happening once she got mobile.
Aside from that, everyone's skill set is different from everyone else's. There is a learning curve for how to manage time, how to manage housework, etc. Some women will figure it out quickly, and some won't. Even if DD had been an easy baby, I don't really know if I would have taken to it quickly.
We don't do each other any favors by telling each other how what you do or what I do is so much harder (maybe it is, and maybe it's not) than what the other is doing, just as we don't do each other any favors by telling the other that they have it so much easier and they must be lazy or whiny or stupid (not that you did, but this is where this post will inevitably lead) if they can't get it all done.
Unfortunately, I know I'll never be completely content with domestic duties associated with home and family. I lean towards activities that are both mentally stimulating and lucrative outside the home.
For this reason, there isn't enough money you could pay me to be a SAHM again. I'm a WAHM now. It's a hard, challenging role for me. I even went through a little depression because of the mommy guilt associated with wanting to go back to work. I was ok with missing milestones, etc.
Again, it's about what makes you happy and what you find a challenge on a day to day basis. Maybe that's being in a office away from your kid or it's trying to be a domestic goddess for your family. I think both sides deserve the same amount of respect because they are both equally hard.
Word. You are one wise lady.
Every baby is different. Every situation is different.
I don't understand how anyone can say another person's job isn't hard, when you've never experienced their exact job. I don't sit around and make general statements like "being an accountant isn't hard" or "being a teacher isn't hard."
Maybe SAH isn't hard in your situation, but in some situations it is. Just like some accounting jobs are hard and some accounting jobs are easy.
I only have one baby and she only has a mild case of reflux so she isn't too difficult. That being said I'm in charge of EVERYTHING at the house. I do two loads of laundry a day that have to be washed, dried, folded, and put away. I have to do atleast one load of dishes a day. I have two dogs that both have to go for walks twice a day. I have to cook 3 meals a day. I have to clean my house, which I'll admit that is easy because I never allow it to get dirty I just have to vacuum, mop, sweep everyday and dust every other day. I'm in charge of mowing the lawn, weeding my multiple flower beds, watering the flowers. I'm also helping plan two weddings that are happening in the next 4 months and planning my own vow renewal next year. And I'm also Mrs. Fix it around here.. something breaks, I fix it.
Even with one baby my life isn't easy... taking care of her is easy I'll admit it, she hardly naps and generally is always happy [except when she's screaming because of gas].. but being a SAHM is different for each woman.. each woman has different tasks she must accomplish everyday as her duties as a SAHM. I'm not flaming but I'm pointing out that being a SAHM for me is much harder.. I also am the sole parent all day [my husband watches her alone long enough for me to take a 15 minute shower] and my husband has never once gotten up with her during the night, that's always been my job as SAHM. My job before was taking care of elderly people who could talk and tell me what's wrong, not scream at me until I try everything in the book and figure it out. And my work day was only 12 hours... I was able to come home and do my thing because my husband worked shorter days and took care of everything, being a SAHM my duties are to do everything except go to work....
It's as hard or easy of a job as you make it. And you may be singing another tune when your child is mobile.
But no. Not the toughest job in the world. I couldn't say my SAHM job is tougher than, say, a brain surgeon's job and keep a straight face.
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
I love it.
So what exactly does your husband do? Come home and sit on the couch with a beer?
I have a pretty easy going little lady but I don't think it's EASY being a SAHM. I have a lot of work to do. I spend a LOT of time interacting with DD. I walk the dog with DD strapped on. I clean the house. I make 3 meals a day (DH comes home for lunch so that's 3 full meals per day). I CD so I have baby laundry daily plus our laundry every other day or so. DD and I do all the grocery shopping. The list really does go on.
My job is never over. As a teacher there was a time when I got off work and came home. You don't get off as a SAHM. That said, we knew long before we had Ophelia that I would stay home until all of our children are in school. Then I'll go back to teaching.
You imply that ALL women should find SAHM easy. Perhaps others do more than you
BUT I'm in the SAH is harder camp, because it was for me.
Maybe she just has better time management. Maybe her husband does just as much at home as she does.
There are various reasons that one might be able to accomplish all they need to in a day and consider their work easy without being a slacker.
my husband doesn't touch alcohol.. but yes he does come home and sit until his dinner is ready.. then we eat, he watches the baby while I shower, the baby is fed, put down and we go to bed... when your husband doesn't get out until 9-11 pm at night it's a little hard to expect him to go out and mow the lawn...
My husband works 12-13 hours a day so I know what it's like to have a spouse who works a lot. He leaves for work at 3pm and gets home at 3am. So we have about 3 hours a day together that he is awake. Doesn't make him exempt from his role at home though.
If it works for you, that's great. I just am curious why people choose not to share their duties at home.
I also CD, do all the cooking, etc. but I also make sure to take plenty of time to myself.
I don't see something being hard as being valuable, though, and a lot of people seem to make that connection. I like things being easy. I think it's silly when people feel the need to justify their role/decision/what have you by saying it's sooooooooooo hard.
And staying at home is challenging in a number of ways: emotionally, socially, etc. I was really responding primarily to the actual work involved of caring for an infant the age of DD.
But point well taken--I came across smug and crappy.
Seriously - Every situation is different and I'm not sure what's wrong with the people who have to sit around and talk about who has it hardest.
I am a WAHM with a very high-maintenance baby and some days, it's very hard. And other days, it's a cake-walk.
I have worked very stressful positions before and a bad day with Jackson (screaming for no reason, for hours) is a million times more exhausting.
Plus - There aren't any breaks. No lunch. No walking away and "stepping outside" for fifteen minutes. Zero down-time. No drive home from work, alone in the car, with music, to un-wind. It's 24/7 in a lot of cases and that, alone, is much harder than any job, period.
With DDs naps, I legitimately have too much time on my hands so do a lot of work from home.
I understand her napping issue. Jack cat naps (20 minutes at a time usually) so I only have very limited time to get stuff done. I typically will pump and eat. Or, I will quickly vacuum or clean something.
Some babies don't nap well. My little guy is one of those.
Jack Emmett born on 2/2/10 after 17 cycles and a miscarriage
Calvin Wyatt born on 1/10/12. Our surprise baby!
EP Facebook Group ~*~ My Baby/Life Blog
I am going to rephrase: if your baby sleeps 4 hours/day as mine does, you have so much time on your hands you start feeling superior and writing condescending things on the internet. Lol.
im a working mom but i think sah is MUCH HARDER than working FOR ME. It was hard for me when i was on maternity leave. Like mamatoj said, there are no breaks! my lo didn't nap great and then as soon as i thought she was napping great, id start to do something and WHAM, shes awake.
So yes, i have a lot of respect for SAHM!! Although, like every mother, my job is constant and once i get "off" from work, i am back "on" when i pick LO up from DC.
maybe im crazy, but i think having a mobile child would make getting things done around the house easier bc you aren't having to constantly hold LO while awake as you do with infants.
This is the argument I never can understand in this ridiculous debate.
Isn't this the case as a MOM, or as a parent for that matter. I don't see that being any different whether you work outside the home or in. I do say this as someone who has been on both sides, a SAHM and WOHM. I don't come home from work and just get to relax. Now I come home from work and have to still do all those things I did during the day as a SAHM. Yes, my list also includes a walk with the dog and the boys, cleaning, 3 meals (I work PT so I feed DS2 lunch before I leave, and start dinner as soon as I get home.), I CD two boys and do all the grocery shopping, etc.
And still, it may all be time-consuming but I don't find it all that hard. It's life, it's what you make of it.
Come spend a day in my house
I have had days where Jackson has napped for two hours and I have found myself pacing around, looking for things to do and waiting for him to wake up. But that's happened maybe.. three times? The majority of the time, my guy sleeps for 15 minutes and then he is awake. So, at his 9a.m. 15-minute break, I grab a shower. At his 11a.m. 15-minute break, I do the dishes. At his 2p.m. 15-minute nap, I put on some clothes, check the mail and make bottles. At his 5p.m., I eat dinner real fast that DH has prepared. Etc, etc... Now, that's an example of a REALLY bad day but those really bad days happen in our household more than half the days in a week.
All of this. I have three kids - all under the age of 4, who are all home all day. I cook three meals (that I need to prepare for at least three of us) I do all of the above things - in fact ALL OF US do that. I just don't get the "holier than thou" attitude.
And MH also works 13-14 hours a day, 6 days a week. Even when he gets home at 10:00 at night he still throws in a load of laundry, folds one, loads or unloads the dishwasher, makes bottles, etc.
{Ava 5.16.06} {Ella 12.29.07} {Drew 2.9.10}
Perhaps this is going to sound snarky - and I do apologize, but for all the SAHMs who want a pat on the back because of the laundry they get done, and the house they keep clean, and the meals they prepare . . . Do you not realize that most WAHM moms successfully do all of those things as well? Except they have 8-10 less hours in their day to do them?
I work, and then I do all of those things (including laundry from cloth diapering).
Oh, and if you have time to mop your house every single day - the actual "mom" part of SAHM must be pretty darn easy . . .
Now, I admit, my day job is pretty darn easy - and some days I do feel like it's a break from my crying baby. But when I get done with that job in the afternoon - I have every.single.solitary chore to get done that a SAHM mom does. Oh yeah, and I have to choose between doing those chores and spending quality time with my child who has been cared for by someone else all day long . . .
And let's not even talk about what single moms do every single day. I know there are parts of SAHM that are difficult, but seriously saying that you have lots of laundry from CDing just makes me LOL.
ETA: I got happy with my acronyms and typed "WAHM" by accident, I meant to say working moms.
See this is my issue right now. Since DS is STTN (don't shoot me, I know I'm lucky...) he doesn't nap well during the day. I got into a bad habit with him of rocking him to sleep and holding him until he was completely out before putting him down. And now that he catnaps, he quite literally only naps when I'm holding him, for the most part. When I put him down, he's up and fussing in less than two minutes. So any work I get done during the day is usually done while he's happy in the bouncer or the swing, which during somedays isn't long.
I might consider SAH less stressful when he's a little more predictable when it comes to nap time.
And to catch any flames for not getting stuff done while he sleeps at night since he is STTN: I put DS down at 9:30 and he sleeps until 5:30. I'm working on easing him into an earlier time for bed, but until then, I go to bed as soon as he does.
That being said, I'm not great at putting things for me first. If I can learn to do that, it might make this a lot easier and a lot more fun. About the only thing I do for myself at this point is bump while he's asleep on my shoulder.
I agree. When I was at home on maternity leave, I had time to do EVERYTHING and then some, and that's that I was breastfeeding (which is super time consuming) and spending his naps pumping for the most part. I think being a SAHM would be super easy for me. My son is in a good mood during most of the day. His only real cranky time is right before bed time. It's really hard for me to work all day, come home and feed him, change him, spend time with him until he goes to sleep, and THEN get things done around the house when I'm already so exhausted, I can barely keep my eyes open.
I'm tired. :-/
I honestly think, for me at least, it comes down to this.
I don't consider myself doing much more housework than most working moms. There is a little more because like everything, if you use it, it either needs put away or washed and put away - and this happens more if you are home and there to do that all day long.
But I made a point in another post that it's not like a working mom's baby is on pause while they're at work. Someone is feeding, changing and putting your baby down for naps. For a SAHM, that's them. So, it's easy to get into a mode where you feel like you are constantly on call, always working. It's less that it's harder and more that it's never ending. Working moms definitely do switch to their mommy hat and do the same exact things as a SAHM.
But baby work isn't like checking a list off and when it's done it's done. There is always another diaper to be changed, another bottle to be made, another 10 minute nap time to try to get everything not baby related done. So to claim that you do just as much baby work is impossible. And since I'm still adjusting to the ever changing baby schedule, it's that part of SAH that is exhausting. My job is never done.
I totally get that. I do. And I agree there are hard parts about being a SAHM. But to say it's hard because you mop your house every day or because you have so much laundry is what I take issue with.
And to be fair - working moms make bottles, working moms have to unpack and repack diaper bags every night, working moms who breastfeed have to find time to pump and clean pump parts every day.
I said it originally - I admit that there are days that I feel like my day job is a break from my child . . . And I totally empathize with SAHMs who never get that break. It would be exhausting.
I don't claim (and never have) that I do as much baby work - but trust me, I do get to claim that what I do is equally difficult and just as exhausting.
I'd never say it's the amount of housework that makes it harder. What is mopping anyway? LOL I'd do the same amount of laundry SAH or working. To me the hard work isn't the amount, but the time to do it.
And honestly, I think a good portion of the stress to a SAHM is the expectation by so many that she has all the time in the world during the day to get everything under the sun done. But I'm not staying home during the day to clean and do laundry. I'm staying home to take care of my child. In our house, a lot of the housework gets done in the evenings. So with that in mind, my evenings are a lot like a working mom's.
I think a lot of SAHMs put a lot more pressure on their own day. I know I feel like I'm constantly trying to prove that I'm not eating bonbons all day. So it's frustrating to hear people wonder how it is that I'm not doing more through the day. I'm taking care of my happy but demanding baby (who, if he had his way, would have me hold him standing up on my lap all day long.) At this point, I dream of those days that my DS takes longer naps. Until then, I'm a mom during the day, not a housekeeper.
Sure babies nap...but then they become very active toddlers. I work FT and I am thankful to have a daycare that provides my boys with stimulation and interaction and all kind of fun and creative activties that I couldn't possibly duplicate at home.
This post makes me laugh because I am keeping my two 3 year-olds home today since one is sick....and I am gonna be busy! And since I was supposed to have the day off, I am kissing goodbye my To-do list. Sure I'll get some stuff done but the day will be dedicated to the boys unless I want to stick them in front of the TV or pack them around in the car all day.
If I was a SAHM, I can't imagine that I would be hanging out all day eating bon-bons OR be overwhelmed with the dishes and laundry. Just a different kind of busy from what I experience being a WM.
Happy moms = Happy kids. Stop whining, own your life choices and be confident.
Complaining wastes energy.
This cracks me up. Lunch? Spent at my desk, working. Because things need to get done, so I can leave on time, and pick DD up on time, and start the mad rush at home.
Alone in the car? For my 5 mins. mad dash to get DD on time.
Parenting in general is 24/7. Life isn't easy being a mom of a young child, period.
And, yes, I had a cat napper. I know what it's like. I also had a child who had severe food allergies, who screamed and vomited all day, every day, until she was 4 months old - at which point I went back to work. And had to pump 4 times a day, and make all food, from scratch, to accomodate her food allergies.
Being home with her then was no more difficult than working FT is, overall. I still had time to get things done, some days were harder than others, different situations have different challenges. That's life when you have a small child. So can we stop the "My life is SO hard" pi$$ing contest?
I'm sorry but your post rubs me the wrong way. If you don't want to sah with your LO then go to work, but don't piss on other mom's choices. So unnecessary. This isn't a competition. You don't get extra points for doing it the 'hard way'. You don't get to decide what people should do with their babies and their lives. Everyone's babies and situations are different. Some mom's have special needs babies. Some have cat nappers that are not sttn. This whole arguement is so lame.