Does anyone else hate people feeling sorry for them?

HappyMommy28

When DH deploys people always feel sorry for me.  Not so much family, but people I don't know very much or the ones who only talk to me when something is up.  I don't even tell co workers anymore because I hate seeing pity.  Since I've gotten pregnant, and he'll be heading out again it's gotten worse.  Some co workers know because they are close friends or have husbands in the service.  I just get irritated.  Believe it or not  I am capable of taking care of myself and our house while he's away.  Yes, when he leaves it's going to suck and I wish he could be lucky enough to stay for the entire pregnancy but that's the way it rolls.  I knew what I was getting into when I married him.  I just get irritated with the "are you ok?"  "whatever will you do with him gone?"  ect...Am I the only one?

jcthomas1281

no you aren't the only one, that's why I hated going home to visit family while DH deployed. People don't understand that we need to be surrounded by positive thoughts and normalcy...not depressing pity.  They don't mean to be downers, but it still doesn't help.

kbrew2622

I don't like it, mostly because it makes me feel guilty.  I always want to go into the whole "If you think I have it bad, I still get to see our son and eat a hot meal and sleep in a CLEAN bed... surf the internet and watch TV and hug and kiss my loved ones!" But I just think it I am with you on the whole "How ever will you survive it?" thing, we are looking at a deployment coming up this winter and I am pregnant, so the questions are already rolling in. I would like a giant STFU and MYOB sign... but I know they care and honestly I don't think anyone understands that isn't/hasn't been in our shoes, so I try to be understanding of them too.  If I am having a day where I am especially irritated I just avoid talking to family and IL's, that way I don't hurt anyone's feelings because it's happened a time or two.

ames71

I know that people mean well when they show concern, so it doesn't necessarily bother me. My family and close friends keep the pity to a minimum thank goodness. There are some days that I don't answer the phone when certain people call though because I know that's all they'll want to talk about. If I'm having a rough day it's the absolute last thing I want to talk about.

HappyMommy28

I do know they mean well.  Like PP said, I look towards a brighter side.  DH doesn't have a job that requires him to be gone for a year or more.  He doesn't go to Iraq or Afghanistan.  His longest deployment was 4 months.  So when people want to throw me a pity party, I just remind them (and myself at times) that I really don't have it that bad.

AlouetteBeans

Eh, I feel your pain. DH is at ASBC training (TRAINING) for 7 weeks, gets back Friday, people have been saying the stupidest stuff to me. I can only imagine if (when) he gets deployed.

jags09

I've never really had anybody feel sorry for us per se.  My pet peeve is when people will say, oh XX months isn't so bad............really, you have NO IDEA how bad it is when you're in the middle of it.  I mean, we all persevere and survive, but those comments always seem to come when the day is falling apart.

AndreaW520

I totally agree with you on this.  On another note, I hate when people act like you are too incompetent to do anything without your husband being there.  My husband is in the reserve, so we don't live on a base.  I had a lot of people ask me things like "are you going to stay at your house or go stay with your parents", or "who is going to mow your yard".  I always held my tongue, but I would have loved to have said that I would obviously be staying at my own home and taking care of it myself.  I think people that aren't in a military family just don't really understand how strong military spouses are.