Daycare vs. Grandma

MandaBeth582

I know we have plenty of time to think about this, but I wanted to know what other opinions ya'll have.

DH's Grandma raised him. His Dad live in California (we're in OK), and his Mom would drop him off after school on a Tuesday "for just a few hours" and not show up until Sunday afternoon - she was too concerned with partying. This started when DH was a newborn and continued on until Jr. High, when he and his mom moved 3 hours away.

Grandma is now 82 years old, but spunkier and with more energy then some people I know in their 40's and 50's. This is her first great-grandchild, and she has offered to watch LO while DH and I both work. That would save a lot of money, as daycares around here are ranging from $130-$190 a week for infants, and I know we could get away with offering $100/wk, and that's even if she accepts it. My only concern is her age, and also that she doesn't drive - but if there were an emergency, she lives two blocks away and I work from home.

Are my concerns valid, or do ya'll think I should quit thinking so hard about this? It's not a matter of trust at all. I have seen her with children and know LO would be in great hands.

ajcoghill

Your concerns are valid. Do you think that since you work from home she could watch the baby while you're there, at home working?

KSME924

Since you work at home, is it possible for her to babysit at your house instead of her's?

madhatter2003

For newborn/infant she sounds like a great option. I'd say up to 1 year or walking.

Once you hit that point, I'd re-evaluate. There are social benefits for toddlers to do something outside the home, be it part time, full time, etc. Plus it would be harder on her and she'd be getting older too, etc.

MandaBeth582

ajcoghill:

Your concerns are valid. Do you think that since you work from home she could watch the baby while you're there, at home working?

I wish that would work, really I wish LO could just stay with me. Because of my job as an insurance agent, I'm on the phone all day and any baby noises would be heard on the phone. It's an 1100sqft house, so all noises are heard no matter where you are.

mlc92404

I have neighbors who are similar....in their 80's and constantly go go go.  My biggest concern would be health.  At that age you never know what could happen and if she ends up "out of commission" for a few days/week or more what will you do with your LO?  A lot of day cares fill up fast and you may not be able to get just get in with one of them.  Does she live alone?  My other concern at that age would be if something awful were to happen (stroke, heart attack etc) what would happen to your LO (if grandma were unable to get to a phone for help or something.)

mamafoxX2

My DD was taken care of by her great-grandma since she was 3 weeks old... and it didnt work out for us.  Grandmas generally like to spoil too much, and despite the factthat I took her plenty of things to eat/drink, the kid ate cookies all day.  She also wasn't guaranteed to have had a nap when I picked her up at the end of day, only if "she felt like it," according to my grandma.

Not to say that will happen with you, but it just didnt work for me.  My 2 year old has gained 2 lbs since she started daycare the beginning of April.  She has weighed the same since she was 18 months old. I credit it to her eating good food everyday.  And they say at the daycare she is the best napper of the crowd, so I know she is getting what she needs healthwise. Though, she and my grandma have a bond not many kids have with their great-grandma, it's only grown since she began 'school'.

MandaBeth582

madhatter2003:

For newborn/infant she sounds like a great option. I'd say up to 1 year or walking.

Once you hit that point, I'd re-evaluate. There are social benefits for toddlers to do something outside the home, be it part time, full time, etc. Plus it would be harder on her and she'd be getting older too, etc.

This is what I'm thinking. I would love LO to have the social aspect of being around other children and learning to interact with them, which may make it easier when he starts school.

DaniLovesPink

My mom has watched DS from day one.  I do not recommend this as a regular practice.  When it was time for DS to go to a structured place of education, he had no idea what rules that couldn't be bent/broken were, he had no concept of time management or organized activity and it put a huge strain on my mom, too.  She couldn't be "grandma" when she had DS, she had to be "DCP".  Then, if she kept him overnight, it was hard to make that transition from "DCP" to "grandma", and also hard because she had him all day already.

Beyond that, we felt guilty if we did need an "after hours" sitter and had to use her, because of the same reasoning.

While my concerns wouldn't be her age, health and inability to drive, it would be the long term effects of the relationship between her and your child, as well as  your child's ability to adjust to a formal setting down the road.

We plan to do a 50/50 thing with the baby once he's a year old - he'll spend half his week at my mom's and half his week at an outside-the-home center.

While I'm not saying all situations will be like ours, I just want to share my experiences with you.  There are positive outcomes to this, as DS has been loved in a way he would have never been loved in a traditional center, I haven't had to call in because he was sick, he could still go to grandma's, and if I had to work late, I didn't have to worry about what to do with him.

Good luck in your decision.

tmbuchmann

My in home day care lady doesn't leave the house, if there is an emergency she will call 911 and me or DH. The only thing I would be concerened about is her age, but if your LO is having a rough day you aren't' that far away to help.  GL!!

Dobie_Mama

madhatter2003:

For newborn/infant she sounds like a great option. I'd say up to 1 year or walking.

Once you hit that point, I'd re-evaluate. There are social benefits for toddlers to do something outside the home, be it part time, full time, etc. Plus it would be harder on her and she'd be getting older too, etc.

Ditto all of this.

wife1014

I think for the first year this would be a great idea, but I also strongly believe children need socialization.  If Grandma could drive him places where socialization could take place, be it a music class or a playgroup...it sounds great.  However, because she can't, I would consider day care at that point.  Even if it's just part time, he should have the opportunity to be with other children.

MandaBeth582

One thing I should point out that I maybe didn't already is that I've seen her with her youngest grandchildren - she's not typical Grandma. You listen, you behave. You get to watch TV after your nap and after you eat lunch. She's a disciplinarian and a loving Grandma - the bond between her and DH is amazing. I would just be afraid of something happening, like what someone mentioned.. she has a stroke or heart attack and nobody else is home. But that's the least of my worries... that woman is Superwoman in my eyes, LOL

inluvwitcowboy

I think Grandma sounds like an ok option especially if she is healthy.  One thing I'd like to point out that no one has mentioned yet, is infant care has changed drastically since we were all little, I'd suggest signing grandma and any other grandparents up for a "grandparents class", check your hospital to see if there is one offered.  We did this for my parents and I think it will really help them understand why we are doing as new parents, and not offer old school suggestions.

bunny731

Personally I think grandparents should be grandparents. Her age or health would not matter to me so much that her role should be unstructured. That is what makes grandparenting fun! Children need structure, be it through their parents (their unfortunate job), or daycare. Utilizing a grandparent to do this either results in an unstructured environment (because they are fitting the role of the grandparent), an environment where pressures are the grandparent to conform to the structure of the parents, but very rarely a structured environment where the grandparent and child have that wonderful role of being enjoyed and spoiled.

It may work...just some thoughts. I would prefer a good daycare. If the only thing available to me was a subpar daycare, then I would certainly utilize my grandmother if she were offering to be caretaker.

 

yeshuahamasshiah

I, along with my 7 siblings, were raised by grandma. She was always on top of us as far as making sure we behaved and did what we were supposed to.

She did not drive either but our school was only 3 blocks away so the older kids always walked the younger ones. I do not remember how it was when I was a NB/Toddler but I did see how she interacted with my younger brothers and sister. It was great for my parents because they both continued to work and never had to worry because we were in the best hands.

She did plenty of educational stuff we us, took us to story times at the library, extra curricular activities and i do not ever remember her raising a hand at us. She just gaves us the look and we knew. IMO the "old way" of raising children is in some ways much better than the "new and improved" .... I find that most kids nowadays do as they please, specially in a DC setting were it is very gray how far you can go as far disciplining a child.

If interaction with other children is an issue and her not driving would inhibit your LO for participating in children's activities you can always move him to a DC when he is a bit older like other pps have mentioned.

If you know she is superwoman then I would not even think about it twice. I still view my grandma as my superwoman and if she didn't live in a different continent and my mom had not adopted a baby that she is taking care of now, I would totally have her here with me and would consider going back to work myself. GL

bunny731

bunny731:

Personally I think grandparents should be grandparents. Her age or health would not matter to me so much that her role should be unstructured. That is what makes grandparenting fun! Children need structure, be it through their parents (their unfortunate job), or daycare. Utilizing a grandparent to do this either results in an unstructured environment (because they are fitting the role of the grandparent), an environment where pressures are the grandparent to conform to the structure of the parents, but very rarely a structured environment where the grandparent and child have that wonderful role of being enjoyed and spoiled.

It may work...just some thoughts. I would prefer a good daycare. If the only thing available to me was a subpar daycare, then I would certainly utilize my grandmother if she were offering to be caretaker.

When I said , "or health", I am referring to the health you described. If she were sick, or frail different I would have different thoughts on that.

mocklerja

My mom will be watching LO 2-3 days a week (I may switch to 4-10s to have an extra day off) and my cousin's wife's sister (who watches a number of kids and has for quite some time) will be watching 2 days per week.  I plan on having plenty for LO to do once they get a bit older and before they head to pre-school.  The catholic school we are looking at offers preschool for a few days a week for 3-4 hours each of those days starting around 3-4 years old. 

That is at least the plan for now....since this pregnancy was a bit unexpected and we are still trying to sell my condo (DH owned his place before we got married), we just can't afford day care.  LO will get plenty of interactions with kids since we are currently going through a baby boom in the family (4 LOs this year!!).

MandaBeth582

anderhea:

MandaBeth582:

One thing I should point out that I maybe didn't already is that I've seen her with her youngest grandchildren - she's not typical Grandma. You listen, you behave. You get to watch TV after your nap and after you eat lunch. She's a disciplinarian and a loving Grandma - the bond between her and DH is amazing. I would just be afraid of something happening, like what someone mentioned.. she has a stroke or heart attack and nobody else is home. But that's the least of my worries... that woman is Superwoman in my eyes, LOL

Could you make it a habit to call every couple hours? Or stop over for lunch? Her age would make me nervous, but I think if you can check up on her (without offending her) it would probably put your mind at ease.

When she brought this up to me Saturday morning at my cousin's bridal shower, I said to her "Well then it would be easy for me to pop in on my lunch break and I know you would answer when I call!" I immediately though oh man, that makes it sound like I don't trust her. Her immediate response was "Well then, I'll have a hot lunch waiting for you and that'll give you extra time with your son."

mommyme

The driving wouldn't bother me.  If you have baby in daycare, if there's an emergency you'd have to go get him/her anyway.

Age would only bother me if she couldn't keep up or had health problems.  Since she's offered though, it doesn't seem this is the case.

 

astroMom

can't you just have set checkin times and/or a webcam?

juangela

My grandparents took care of me and my brother during summers (they were snowbirds) throughout our childhoods. I have some of the most wonderful memories and an unusually close bond with my grandparents. I still talk to my grandma regularly and of her 9 grandchildren, she is definitely closest to me and my brother.

DH and I plan on using his mother for childcare for a multitude of reasons: we live in an urban area and do not trust just anyone; DH grew up in a Spanish speaking household and I do not speak Spanish so this will be a great way for LO to learn; although our child might be slightly spoiled by abuelita, I have confidence she will use discipline when necessary; she does drive and is as passionate about doing what is best for her grandchild as DH and I are, so she will have no problem taking LO to playgroups, music classes, etc.

You know what is best for your child, and only you know grandma. If that is what will make you happy/comfortable then I say go for it. My plans may change as time goes on, but I will always be grateful for my experiences being cared for by my grandma and grandpa! 

JoannaJes

wife1014:

I think for the first year this would be a great idea, but I also strongly believe children need socialization.  If Grandma could drive him places where socialization could take place, be it a music class or a playgroup...it sounds great.  However, because she can't, I would consider day care at that point.  Even if it's just part time, he should have the opportunity to be with other children.

This. Your child would never leave the house, and wouldn't see any other kids.

Toots_pop

Can you do part time Grandma, and part time day care?  Best of both worlds?

pesci12

i would be concerned about her age.  maybe you could have her come to your house and watch the LO since you work from home?

MandaBeth582

kstreml:

i would be concerned about her age.  maybe you could have her come to your house and watch the LO since you work from home?

Someone already mentioned this, which I think would be an awesome alternative.

Really I wish LO could just stay with me. Because of my job as an insurance agent, I'm on the phone all day and any baby noises would be heard on the phone. It's an 1100sqft house, so all noises are heard no matter where you are.

alicia_angell

I think your concerns are valid. Also, regardless of her apparent energy levels I think that being 82 and taking care of an infant might be a bit much and she probably doesn't even realize it. She could also have a health emergency and that would put your LO at risk. I would be comfortable w/ her watching LO while I ran errands or something like that, but not working all day.

jamie&matt

madhatter2003:

For newborn/infant she sounds like a great option. I'd say up to 1 year or walking.

Once you hit that point, I'd re-evaluate. There are social benefits for toddlers to do something outside the home, be it part time, full time, etc. Plus it would be harder on her and she'd be getting older too, etc.

This - but be sure to let Grandma know, before the baby's even born, that you're going to want to re-evaluate in the future. Best to be up-front and avoid possibly hurting her feelings. Also, be sure that it's know beforehand that she needs to let you know ASAP if she feels that it's getting to be too much of a burden on her (or if she just plain no longer wants to do it). Basically, either one of you should be able to remove yourselves from the situation at any time (with sufficient notice) without hurt feelings - but this also requires regular, open, honest communication. GL!

MandaBeth582

I am thinking maybe I'll have her watch him two full days in a row before I go back to work and get a feel for the situation?. Does that sound too pushy?

cookiekat

I was raised by my Grandma from 3 months old on.  She was in her fifties when my brother (2yo) and I came to live with my Grandparents.  My grandmother was in her 50's at the time and had plenty of energy and stamina and was the best mother any child could have had.  Our bond was something special and she became my best friend as I became an adult.  When my gram was in her 80's sometimes relatives would ask her to babysit a baby and it was really tiring and tough for her because she was used to taking naps during the afternoon/evening while watching tv.  I would not reccomend that your 80 year old grandma have the responsibility of a newborn more than 1 or 2 days a week.  Even if her health is good, it is very taxing for her to have to lift and pick up a baby.  My grandma also died at 84 unexpectedly.  I think it would be ok for short periods, but It is too much responsibility for a 5 day workweek.  This is just my opinion.

CoulsonSquared

alicia_angell:

I think your concerns are valid. Also, regardless of her apparent energy levels I think that being 82 and taking care of an infant might be a bit much and she probably doesn't even realize it. She could also have a health emergency and that would put your LO at risk. I would be comfortable w/ her watching LO while I ran errands or something like that, but not working all day.

 Ditto this.  DH and I also considered MIL watching Peanut once they were born, but a couple weeks ago MIL had a blood clot in her lung and is on bed rest for a while.  She, too, is an ox of a woman but eventually age just gets to you.  DH and I decided to go with daycare (as much as I hate the idea of non-family watching my first baby).  I'd hate for LO to be at the house if something bad happened to my MIL (God forbid).