WWYD SIL Shower/ (turned vent)

kmoses10

I am due July 20th, my SIL (Husband's Brothers Wife) is coming into town for her baby shower the first week of August...

 First a little family history:

• SIL was angry that I got pregnant because she wanted to give MIL the first grandchild (rolls eyes)
• The day of our anatomy scan we announced our name and SIL was pissed because 1. it was a girl (she wanted the first girl) 2. it was on her list of girl names (she wasn't pregnant at the time) and says that if we use the name "she'll never forgive me"
• SIL becomes pregnant and is angry that we won't change our baby's name (we chose the name before she was even pregnant)
• SIL throws a fit and doesn't speak to me until she finds out MIL is throwing me a baby shower, and then feels like she needs all of the details of my pregnancy.
• Because SIL lives out of town she sent her mother in her place to my baby shower... who then kept trying to make it all about SIL anytime anyone would start to talk to me (I have a feeling SIL had some part in this)
• SIL announces that she is coming to visit me and the baby the first week of August.... after showing nothing but negitivity towards my pregnancy... oh and to have her baby shower (I think she wants to try to take the attention off of me again... if this is so Joke is on her... I just want time alone with DH and DD... I don't want tons of visitors.)

 

I am to the point where I don't contact her unless she contacts me. She has been nothing but a pain in my rear since the day we announced we were expecting. She has had not one nice thing to say about my entire pregnancy and honestly I do not want her around me after the baby is born and I am dealing with PP hormones. I love DH's brother... but I can not stand his wife... not after all of the crap she has pulled.

Sorry it's getting long....

So as far as the shower goes... I really have no desire to go. I plan on giving them a gift. But I really do not want to be around her. How should I handle this. I was planning on using the baby as an excuse but DH thinks that everyone will just want me to bring the baby along (something I don't really want to do) How would you handle this?

MTClaire

Tell her you don't know for sure if you'll be able to make it because you can't predict when the baby will be born and how you'll be feeling.  Regardless, even if you do go, I would NOT bring your baby.  I think it's really tacky to bring your new baby to someone else's baby shower.  I probably wouldn't go because I wouldn't want to leave the baby so soon after she's born.  Just send a gift.  

Summadaze

How childish! I would just say I don't want such a new baby around so many people. End of story. If she chooses to get mad or offended that is on her...

aah62709

I think that you can do whatever you want.  I mean seriously sending her mother in her place since she lives out of town?!  Unless she lives in another state I dont understand this in the least.  Having a new baby is a good excuse not to attend, though your DH is right family will likely want you to just bring baby....would SIL have a fit about that though would you be taking the attention away from her?

Oh and is she having a girl?  Just wondering if the "name issue" really is an issue.

kmoses10

MTClaire:

Tell her you don't know for sure if you'll be able to make it because you can't predict when the baby will be born and how you'll be feeling.  Regardless, even if you do go, I would NOT bring your baby.  I think it's really tacky to bring your new baby to someone else's baby shower.  I probably wouldn't go because I wouldn't want to leave the baby so soon after she's born.  Just send a gift.  

 This is why I mentioned that I would not bring my baby... I don't want to take away from her day, and I do not want to have people passing around the baby at such a young age. Plus... it is something that she would do.

kmoses10

aah62709:

I think that you can do whatever you want.  I mean seriously sending her mother in her place since she lives out of town?!  Unless she lives in another state I dont understand this in the least.  Having a new baby is a good excuse not to attend, though your DH is right family will likely want you to just bring baby....would SIL have a fit about that though would you be taking the attention away from her?

Oh and is she having a girl?  Just wondering if the "name issue" really is an issue.

They find out in two weeks... which is why I did not even humor the idea of changing our name. I will be 33 weeks when they do find out! And I am going to get a good laugh if it is a boy. (she has convienced herself it is a girl because of the heartbeat owt)

TexasLadyBug

You may not be able to make it. I did not go any where for at least two weeks after DS was born because I was bleeding and it hurt to sit. Plus I would not be taking my three week old to a shower with a bunch of people who are going to want to breath on her/touch her etc....

However if your SIL is as crazy as she sounds I am sure she will be pissed if you do go and bring your baby since all attention will be on you and the baby, that is just how life works. 

KRISTA555

Well, you asked, so I'll answer!

If it were me, I would be the bigger person and go to the shower, but leave LO with DH.  I would show up about 5 minutes prior to the start of the shower, and leave as soon as it is appropriate.

As far as visiting goes,  (again, you asked what I would do),  I would let her visit, but if she got rude AT ALL, I wouldn't hesitate to ask her to leave.

kmoses10

KRISTA555:

Well, you asked, so I'll answer!

If it were me, I would be the bigger person and go to the shower, but leave LO with DH.  I would show up about 5 minutes prior to the start of the shower, and leave as soon as it is appropriate.

As far as visiting goes,  (again, you asked what I would do),  I would let her visit, but if she got rude AT ALL, I wouldn't hesitate to ask her to leave.

 

I have considered going (without baby) but it really will depend on how I am feeling at the time... especially if LO is late (the latest my ob is letting me go is Aug 3rd.)

As for visiting... I have a feeling it will depend on her attitude when she is in town.

anmorgan32

Hi friend If I were you, I wouldn't go, I'd send a gift. I would not want to leave my LO that soon, and I wouldn't want to bring her out to a public gathering that soon either. (Although the evil side of me thinks it would be hilarious to bring LO just to piss her off, because you know it would). I'd just send a gift and be done with it. As far as her visiting, I guess you really can't get out of that seeing as how she is family. So I guess just suck it up for an hour or so?

kmoses10

anmorgan32:

Hi friend If I were you, I wouldn't go, I'd send a gift. I would not want to leave my LO that soon, and I wouldn't want to bring her out to a public gathering that soon either. (Although the evil side of me thinks it would be hilarious to bring LO just to piss her off, because you know it would). I'd just send a gift and be done with it. As far as her visiting, I guess you really can't get out of that seeing as how she is family. So I guess just suck it up for an hour or so?

  They say you can't pick your family... lol and it really is true... you can't pick your inlaws either lol

moonrose2715

Can you send YOUR mom???

j/k

I wouldn't go.  Send a gift, fine, it is after all your future niece or nephew, but I wouldn't indulge.  No need to explain just RSVP no to the hostess.  Don't even tell your SIL.  Oh and RSVP as late as you can.  The least amount of advance notice, the better.

pinkycat1015

Wow, I can relate somewhat to your SIL drama. Some people just can't stand when the attention is not on them.  As for your question, I would just send a gift to the shower and apologize for being unable to make it.  Why put yourself through the drama.  I would just not go and definetely not take the baby....just one more thing for SIL to *** about.

 Best of luck to you will the SIL drama.....I feel your pain!  And best wishes with your LO!

jennygirlmt

Interesting, my cousin brought her 4 week old baby to my shower and I was thrilled! I was so excited to see her.  She didn't get passed around much either. But I guess your SIL sounds like a real treat. I would see how you feel, I think you should try to go to be the bigger person but if you feel like crap then don't go. Good luck with the craziness!

haleybeth81

Just tell SIL the pedi said you shouldn't leave the house for the 1st month due to worry about germs.  I wouldn't go especially if she's nasty to you and you will honestly be too tired.