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Jocelyn0415
member
Drama. (LONG)
Jocelyn0415
member
Is it sad that I wrote "(LONG)" before I even started writing this? That's how much shiit is going on in my life right now. Ugh.
Anyway, so most of you know XFI and I have been talking about working things out. We have another counseling session tomorrow. One of the reasons we have problems is because he is a habitual liar. He lies about the most random things. Things that don't even make sense to lie about. Sometimes they are really big things though.
For instance, I'm not sure if I've said this before, but he was still married to his first wife when we found out we were pregnant. He didn't tell me until after I was pregnant though (we didn't know, but we had already conceived). So he said he would take care of getting a divorce.
He told me last August that he sent her the papers. Months and months went by. Every time I asked, he said he was emailing her, but she just wasn't sending them back because she wanted to "fvck with him".
I suspected he was lying, so in January, I found out that his email automatically logs him in. I looked through the emails and there were a ton of emails from HER asking where the papers were and why hadn't he sent them. He told her a bunch of lies. Our printer was out of ink, he had to get the papers checked out by an attorney, etc.
So I knew that once I confronted him he would go ballistic, so I was waiting for the right time. Well one night, he got drunk and started his abusive behavior. I finally decided I had had enough. I called him out about lying and he flipped! He said I invaded his privacy, blah blah blah. He said the reason he never sent them was because he was afraid once she mailed them back, I would expect him to file right away so we could get married. I said I did not want to marry a liar and had no plans to marry him.
We decided to try and work through that. Why? I'm not sure. Another month went by and he still hadn't sent them. The night before I left him, he physically abused me and told me I had 3 weeks to find a new place to live. I said that was fine and the next day, I moved out.
I've been gone for a little over a month now, and he told me last week that he mailed her the papers. He showed them to me and everything. Not that I honestly cared, because I truly have no plans to marry the idiot. I wanted to know if he was lying though...so I emailed his wife.
I told her that he had been lying to me and that I knew where the papers were and I'd send them to her myself if she hadn't received them, but I just wanted to know if he was lying.
I was nervous the entire time. I wasn't sure how she would take my email. Would she immediately email him and freak out because he'd been lying to her too about the papers or would she be appreciative of my email?
Well, I got an email back from her last night and this is what it said...
"Hello, how are you? You are right , he has not sent me the papers even
though I have been asking for a divorce since the day I LEFT HIM! I am
going to give you my number , because there are so many things I need
to tell you, that I wish someone would have told me about before I
married the loser. He took me for all I had, and then some. He never
worked a day in his life and everything about him was a lie. There is
something wrong with him, and you need to get away and stay away.....
My number is XXX-XXXX, please call me, I would love to talk to
you, and I promise I won't tell him about it. I would never do
anything to help him, but I will help someone who is being hurt by
him."
I tried calling her last night, but she didn't answer, so I left a message. I'm very interested in what she has to say. Either way, I'm done with him. There's no way we can work on a relationship because you never know if what he's saying is a lie. I can't deal with that anymore.
Can we say drama?
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Re: Drama. (LONG)
This exactly. You already know who and what he is you don't need to validate it with a b!tch seesion. There was a time when I wanted to warn or talk to any GF that my ex had to warn them or wished to know what he was saying to them. But ultimately, the new GF's are adults and will not believe anything I had to to say until they lived it. It's really just not worth the engery.
Move on and work on setting your self and the baby up in a stable chaos free environment.
Wage garnishment! I highly suggest wage garnishment for CS.
This, although it sounds like you already know what she is going to say without talking to her. You need to know in your own heart that you are done. Be glad that the papers didn't go through-otherwise you might have married the idiot.
And here's a bit of advice: if you DO decide to talk to her, don't go back to FI and report on what you found, or even elude to it. He will do his best to run her down, call her out, etc. That's the mistake most women make is giving these guys a chance to speak their piece. He will do everything he can to confuse you and twist your mind around again.
Obviously something IS wrong with him, you don't even need to talk to her to find that out. You have already caught him in multiple lies and that is enough to keep away from him for good-let along physical abuse, etc. I would say document everything you can, especially if you are going to try for supervised visits for your daughter. Take pics, any evidence you can that he's been abusive.