Military Families

Husband deployed need advice

So I am pregnant with our first baby and my husband left recently for first deployment. Anyone got any advice on how to get through this. It's hitting me pretty hard and I don't know what to do.

Re: Husband deployed need advice

  • Hello! My DH and I got pregnant during R&R so I spent all but the last two months of pregnancy on my own. In respect to how to get through deployment: stay busy, build a support system. These are the two keys to living military life IMO.

    As far as the pregnancy goes: it will make you more emotional which is why it is hitting you pretty hard right now. For you H's sake, keep track of the pregnancy in special ways. It will help you deal with it better and it will make him still feel like he is a part of things. Ways to do this: Keep a pregnancy journal and send him entries weekly. Use a tape recorder to tape the heartbeat, then load it on your computer and send it to him. Look in your area for a 3D Ultrasound place that can webstream...this will allow H to see the baby at the same time as you (we did this when we found out the sex).

    Involve your support system - For big appointments like ultrasounds my friends would "bid" on who got to go with me (not money but things like "I will make lunch if I can go with her" etc or we would pull a name from a hat) It made me feel great that they wanted to be involved and it made H feel good that he knew the other people in our lives were there for us.

    You can and will survive this.

  • I was 6 months pregnant when DH left. He wont be back for a couple more months. I would say that the first 2 weeks are the hardest :( I kept busy with putting together care packages for him, lots of baby reading, and craft projects, lots!

    You'll get through it, especially now with the MF board! 

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  • Its going to be hard. My Fiancee left 2 weeks after we found out we were pregnant.  The first day was the worst, then after that I realized I had something else I need to be happy for.  Being upset all the time isnt good for the baby.  Definatly keep in touch with your FRG, many of the women there have probably gone through this themselves and may be able to provide support for you.  Otherwise family and friends will be your main form of support. 

    I PMed you so we could talk more if you like.

  • Lilpumpkin, welcome to the MF board.  It would be a good idea for you (and everyone new to the board) to read the link at the top of the page called "OPSEC Rules for Forums".  It contains some really valuable information--such as keeping deployment dates vague.  We need to keep our soldiers as safe as we can.  This is one thing that you can do, from home, to help bring your husband home safely. (You should also remove the specific info about when he left for his deployment in your message.)

    My DH left for TDY training when I was about 20 weeks along.  He left for the Middle East when I was about 32 weeks.  I delivered our son without him with me.  DH came home for R&R when LO was 2 months old.  DH redeployed when LO was 9 months old.  Was it hard?  Yah, but not as hard as I thought it would be.  

    It was hardest right after he left.  Everything made me cry--I'm a crier by nature, but with the pregnancy hormones combined with missing DH. . . I was a hot mess.  But, after two or three days, I was tired of myself.  

    As others have said, get and keep busy.  Be sure that you have a good support network in place for when you need help.  Keep in mind that this will likely mean that you need to be there for others too!

    For me, I feel that in life, you can choose to be happy or you can choose to be miserable.  I choose to be happy.  Yes, my DH was gone for 14 months and missed a lot. . . but I was able to talk to him and email him.  I did not want my LO to have a miserable mom--that would do neither of us any good.

    It may be hard now, as they may be stopping for the summer, but I joined a MOPS meeting group.  You may want to look into that in your area if you are Christian.

    Regardless of anything else, keep eating and drinking.  You need to take care of yourself and your baby.  This was hard for me.  But, my LO was nearly 8 pounds, so I must have done okay!

    Good luck!  You can do it! 

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  • This ! NOt having been deployed yet myself just being gone for a bit for training out of state was different. You could also cast your belly. Or have anyone that goes with you or just check with your doc and you could make a video for appts the good stuff only if you choose. And pic a wall in the house you can stand by with color tape measure and that way either you can take a pic next to it regularly or when you are on chat and he can see the comparison to something he remebers at home! Check with your fam group for unit and ask other ideas of men even! Good Luck and you are doing as much work as he is there keep it up.
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  • Thanks for all the advice. It really helps to know there are others in my position or have previously been. I see all these people that have went through it and survived so that gives me hope :)
  • We are in the same boat.  My husband left about a month ago and will be gone for a year.  This is our first baby and I'm 17w2d along.  We are praying that his commander will be willing to let him take R&R when the baby is due... but then there is always the worry that the baby will come early.  This is a tough time to be without him. 

    You and I should stay connected since we're going through the same things.  Is it possible to private message on this site?  I haven't played around with it much.  If so I'll give you my email address via that.  

  • I have no advice, but I'm right there with you. My husband has already left and will get back around the time the baby is due. I'm hoping not to have the baby early becasue there is a small chance he may make it back in time if I go full term or I'm late. This is our first child and it makes me sad to think he will miss the entire pregnancy. Although in a small way I think focusing on the pregnancy and getting ready for the baby will help me get through the time apart.
  • Try to get a deployment buddy...

    check out a doula: Operation Special Delivery This group is compassionate about you, your pregnancy, your baby and the special situation of deployment.

    Just take it one day at a time, chalk some of your reaction up to hormones and some up to normal sadness when they leave.

    GL ~ Come back whenever you need to vent, laugh.... burn some time. :-)

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