Parenting

Can I ask some advice, please?

As you can tell from the AWing, my sister had her baby. I know I wasn't excited at first and all but I truly am now and am happy for her. I'm also very proud of her.

Anyway, she has this bff. I don't know if I've ever mentioned her. She is ... hmmm, overbearing would be a good word. I like her but my nerves can only take so much of her. Even though I was the one who went to childbirth classes with my sister and planned to be her support person the friend was right there front and center so I just sat back and let them do things. I did help her during the actual labor (holding her feet, supporting her back, helping her count) so I did get to "do my part" since she was videoing.
I was really annoyed that she called his dad (who didn't come) to tell him, told him he needed to talk to J and handed her the phone. It just rubbed me wrong b/c she knew he was already being an ass and my poor sister had *just* pushed him out and they weren't even done cleaning him up.

There are so many more examples but I don't have time and it will begin to border on whining. My real question is, how do I deal with her overbearingness b/c obviously it doesn't bother my sister and she can def. use help w/ a newborn. I just feel like she has the potential to take over and I know how I can be. I internalize and am passive aggressive so I'm afraid one wrong move and I might lose it. I don't feel like it's something I can or should mention to my sister. So, any tips ? Fwiw, I'm not the only one who has made the observation.

image


Re: Can I ask some advice, please?

  • Honestly, I'm not sure what you would say or do. She's there for your sister and your sister doesn't seem to mind. So I probably wouldn't say anything.
    imageimage
    Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
    "Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
  • If your sister doesn't share your feelings, or at least hasn't outwardly expressed those feelings to you, then I wouldn't say anything to her. I think if it were me, I would say something to your sister at a time when you were alone, like, "It's great that you have Friend to help out, I know she really cares about you. I just want you to know that I'm here for you if you need anything at all, or need any help with the baby. Just let me know if you need anything, no matter what."

    I think that way you can kind of hang back and not be around when the friend is around, and your sister will understand why, not the *real reason why* but, you know. And maybe she really does feel that way and you saying that will give her the chance to say You know, she's great but I would rather have you here to help, etc. If that happens then you work on how to minimize the friend involvement together.

  • Loading the player...
  • I really don't see much you can do. She's your sisters friend, not yours. You are her sister and will do your part as the sister.

    Maybe your sis wanted the dad to be called, did she get on the phone with him?

    Are you a little upset over how close they might be and are worried they'll push you to the side?

    image
  • I know. I think I just feel she thinks this is her baby and acts that way. She's always bugged me so maybe that is really the issue.
    image


  • I probably wouldn't say anything, since it doesn't bother your sister.  But I sure in the hell wouldn't let her push me around. 

    If you see her being overbearing to your sister in a certain situation, I would probably address it as it comes up like that. 

  • "bviously it doesn't bother my sister" so stuff it and keep your mouth shut
  • imagexbrooklyngrl:

    I really don't see much you can do. She's your sisters friend, not yours. You are her sister and will do your part as the sister.

    Maybe your sis wanted the dad to be called, did she get on the phone with him?

    Are you a little upset over how close they might be and are worried they'll push you to the side?

    They had already called him. He didn't seem to want anything to do with it right then. She said, "NO, you will talk to her."

    I guess I am a bit jealous and have been. Again, I just think she's pushy and it's completely the opposite of me.

    I will just avoid going over if/when she is there. I feel dumb for even posting about it ...

    image


  • imagegibs:
    "bviously it doesn't bother my sister" so stuff it and keep your mouth shut

    Thanks wiseass.

    image


  • don't feel dumb. I think the main issue here is that you are a little jealous of their relationship and that's ok. She's your sister and will need YOU now that she has a son, you'll see.

    And you can always take the bff to the side and tell her you'll cut her. lol

    image
  • You know, I don't think it's so much jealousy but concern for your sister. If this friend were a really good friend: not overbearing/controlling, put your sister's feelings first (when it came to decisions your sister needed to make - like the phone call), etc. then I think you would feel good about her. I hope that made sense.

    "image"
    Ethan {1.11.10} & Malia {12.28.06}
  • imageneesernicole:
    You know, I don't think it's so much jealousy but concern for your sister. If this friend were a really good friend: not overbearing/controlling, put your sister's feelings first (when it came to decisions your sister needed to make - like the phone call), etc. then I think you would feel good about her. I hope that made sense.

    Makes sense to me neeser... And I agree.

    I wouldn't say anything unless your sister does first.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"