Just emailed friend to break the news (Updated)

MK&Z

So, I posted a couple days ago about a friend who was having TTTC and how I was really not sure how or when to tell her about my pregnancy. Well I just emailed her and got this sinking feeling in my gut. I am so nervous. I hate that I had to give her this devastating news.

Update: My friend emailed me back and she was so understanding. She told me she was happy for me and congrats. She did say it hurt of course, but I emailed her back and told her that I will give her some space and that I will not bring up the pregnancy unless she asks for now. I also told her that I was so thankful to have such a wonderful and understanding friend.

33yearold

Aww. How long have u guys been friends?

Hyfagal

As someone that had TTTC I can tell you it was different when I heard it from a friend or one of my sisters. Sure it still hurt but in a different way. I was capable of being so happy for them and sad for myself instead of the bitterness and hurt I felt from a random BFP on Facebook.

I'm sure she'll be happy for you. And if nothing else you need to be happy for you. She'll get through this however she can, don't let it take away from your happiness and joy!

divasociety

First of all, it is NOT devasting news!

After my loss, 3 of my friends got pregnant. Did it sting a little? Yes. But, I was still truly happy for them all.

Don't worry, enjoy your pregnancy!

mn*plumm

I am on the same fence as Hyfagal about it being easier with friends and family. Even when things were hard my friends were usually great about giving me a little space after the news and letting me come around at my own time.

If you are good of a friend as you sound I am sure she will be happy for you!

MK&Z

piecesofflare:

MK&Z:

So, I posted a couple days ago about a friend who was having TTTC and how I was really not sure how or when to tell her about my pregnancy. Well I just emailed her and got this sinking feeling in my gut. I am so nervous. I hate that I had to give her this devastating news.

Please tell me there's no way she'll get this email before she gets home from work. 

Nope, she works at home and makes her own hours.

LadySmith08

How close are you guys? I am in the same boat. One of my very close friends just had a MC 3 weeks ago, she was 12 weeks.  As hard as it will be for me to tell her, I wouldn't email her. I would think that would hurt worse.

MK&Z

33yearold:

Aww. How long have u guys been friends?

For about 5 years. We are best friends and talk every day. We had a girls night planned for Friday and I wanted to tell her before then because there will be other friends there and I wanted her to be the first to know.

MK&Z

LadySmith08:

How close are you guys? I am in the same boat. One of my very close friends just had a MC 3 weeks ago, she was 12 weeks.  As hard as it will be for me to tell her, I wouldn't email her. I would think that would hurt worse.

Emailing wouldn't have been my first choice, but I posted a couple days ago for advice and most of the ladies agreed that his would be the best way to do it so that she could have some space after reading the news. We are best friends, so it was really hard to tell her, but see my update above, she took it really well.

LadySmith08

piecesofflare:

LadySmith08:

How close are you guys? I am in the same boat. One of my very close friends just had a MC 3 weeks ago, she was 12 weeks.  As hard as it will be for me to tell her, I wouldn't email her. I would think that would hurt worse.

We had a lot of discussions about this about a few days ago.  The consensus among those of us who have been through infertility and/or losses is that an email is a kind way to receive the news because then you're home and safe and allowed to handle whatever emotions come to you.

I'm so grateful to everyone who knew what I was going through and let me know by email when I was home with a bottle of wine so I could cry for hours and drink to dull the pain.

This is one of those things that you can only understand when you've been there.

 I missed that. Maybe I should reconsider my approach.  I just hate the thought of email something so big to one of my best friends.  Please let us know how she takes it.

33yearold

MK&Z:

33yearold:

Aww. How long have u guys been friends?

For about 5 years. We are best friends and talk every day. We had a girls night planned for Friday and I wanted to tell her before then because there will be other friends there and I wanted her to be the first to know.

I didn't see the update, I will have to go back and look. I think it was really thoughtful of u to take her feelings into consideration.  You are a great friend. 

LadySmith08

MK&Z:

LadySmith08:

How close are you guys? I am in the same boat. One of my very close friends just had a MC 3 weeks ago, she was 12 weeks.  As hard as it will be for me to tell her, I wouldn't email her. I would think that would hurt worse.

Emailing wouldn't have been my first choice, but I posted a couple days ago for advice and most of the ladies agreed that his would be the best way to do it so that she could have some space after reading the news. We are best friends, so it was really hard to tell her, but see my update above, she took it really well.

Good. I will be reconsidering how I break the news to my best friend.

MK&Z

Thank you all for your kind words and help with this situation. You ladies are the best!

33yearold

LadySmith08:

MK&Z:

LadySmith08:

How close are you guys? I am in the same boat. One of my very close friends just had a MC 3 weeks ago, she was 12 weeks.  As hard as it will be for me to tell her, I wouldn't email her. I would think that would hurt worse.

Emailing wouldn't have been my first choice, but I posted a couple days ago for advice and most of the ladies agreed that his would be the best way to do it so that she could have some space after reading the news. We are best friends, so it was really hard to tell her, but see my update above, she took it really well.

OMG! THIS IS THE CUTEST PIC!

Good. I will be reconsidering how I break the news to my best friend.

bridetobein05

divasociety:

First of all, it is NOT devasting news!

After my loss, 3 of my friends got pregnant. Did it sting a little? Yes. But, I was still truly happy for them all.

Don't worry, enjoy your pregnancy!

It is not devastating news to you when you are pregnant, but when you have been dealing with Infertility or loss- it is devastating to know that someone's happiness brings you so much sadness and even more realization of what you can't do.  After years of IF- as well as 3 losses- I think that you handled giving your AMAZING news to someone who is struggling extremely well. Congrats to you and I hope that in time your friend will be able to share all of your excitement:)

bridetobein05

LadySmith08:

piecesofflare:

LadySmith08:

How close are you guys? I am in the same boat. One of my very close friends just had a MC 3 weeks ago, she was 12 weeks.  As hard as it will be for me to tell her, I wouldn't email her. I would think that would hurt worse.

We had a lot of discussions about this about a few days ago.  The consensus among those of us who have been through infertility and/or losses is that an email is a kind way to receive the news because then you're home and safe and allowed to handle whatever emotions come to you.

I'm so grateful to everyone who knew what I was going through and let me know by email when I was home with a bottle of wine so I could cry for hours and drink to dull the pain.

This is one of those things that you can only understand when you've been there.

 I missed that. Maybe I should reconsider my approach.  I just hate the thought of email something so big to one of my best friends.  Please let us know how she takes it.

  Yeah but I think she is being a great friend putting her friend before herself.  It is a tough situation all around.

USArmyWifeToBe

piecesofflare:

LadySmith08:

How close are you guys? I am in the same boat. One of my very close friends just had a MC 3 weeks ago, she was 12 weeks.  As hard as it will be for me to tell her, I wouldn't email her. I would think that would hurt worse.

We had a lot of discussions about this about a few days ago.  The consensus among those of us who have been through infertility and/or losses is that an email is a kind way to receive the news because then you're home and safe and allowed to handle whatever emotions come to you.

I'm so grateful to everyone who knew what I was going through and let me know by email when I was home with a bottle of wine so I could cry for hours and drink to dull the pain.

This is one of those things that you can only understand when you've been there.

Agreed, after 4 yrs & 2 losses I definatly agree. Then you can sit at home, cry, drink wine like she said or just be upset because of your own infertility & when the time comes around to be happy for her friend she can.

raya

Aw, I'm so glad it worked out. My friend, whom is in the same situation, had the same reaction and I was so relieved not to carry that secret anymore.

kit.kat343

I would also agree that an email is the kindest way to break this news.  Your friend is happy for you, but your joy reminds her of her sadness, and it is kinder to let her process this alone than try to put on a fake happy smile.