This group is open to anyone who has already gone through de/surrogacy, are in the process of it, or plan on doing it in the future. GRADUATES ARE WELCOME AND ENCOURAGED TO POST! If you?d like to be added to this group, please reply to this message and I?ll make sure to add you for next week. I?ll be posting this check-in every Tuesday.
***** If you are a donor or interested in donating, we would be happy to answer questions. Please start a new post with ?Question for the DE ladies? as the title ******
Status Update: Where are you currently with the de/surrogacy process?
QOTD: I?m all out of questions for this week so let me know if anyone has some!
ANNOUNCEMENT: BathinginBitter has started a PRIVATE Facebook (meaning no one can see it in your feed, that your are a member, etc.) for the ladies from IF and SAIF who used donor egg/embryos or donor sperm. If you would like to join, please page Bathing in Bitter, Yellow_Daisy, Roslin2 or SVP1537 and ask for an invite to the group. This might be a nice way to keep in touch in a more private setting and address issues that may arise down the road.
Good luck to onedaychristinak on getting your lining to thicken up!
Congrats to Juliannat on great betas!
Hugs to HollyMichael (OE) on her BFN from her converted IUI.
Hugs to SunMoon&Stars on DH?s poor SA. Hopefully the uro can get everything figured out so you can still participate in the frozen egg program!
Good luck to Scatterbrainliz who may be deciding to pursue adoption. We are still here for you no matter which path you choose!
Congratulations to RachelD83 on seeing a heartbeat. Good luck at your next ultrasound on Thursday!!
Good luck to MarriedaSportsnut on your ultrasound today. Hoping everything goes great so you can graduate to your OB!
Congratulations to JM1977 on being accepted into the Shady Grove shared help program!!
GymDogFran so happy to hear Baby B caught up and everything is looking good for both babies!
Welcome to our newest member Hoodlum90. Sorry you have to join our group but we are here to support you!
Welcome to the lurkers!! We hope you don?t have to join but will welcome you with open arms if you do. Let us know if we can answer any questions.
In 2ww
n/a
In Cycle
JM1977 ? doing a mock cycle, looking for donors
MontyMrs (OE) ? on stims, may be triggering soon!
Onedaychristinak ? POF, building lining for FET approximately 5/20/10
Waiting to Cycle
2linesn09 ? BFP w/gc but ended in miscarriage
BathinginBitter ? DE consult on 4/29/10, waiting on donor match
Denise ? pursuing DE
Hollymichael (OE)? IVF converted to IUI, BFN. May do one more OE IVF in June.
LBR_NJ ? possibly doing FET for baby #2 in September
M&MBride0506 ? hoping to use her sister and an egg donor and gestational carrier in September
Mrsbellalee ? FET BFN on 10/26/09, 4/10/10 cycle ? BFN, one frostie left, hoping to test NK cells before cycling again
Only Hope ? DE consult on 11/30/09
SunMoon&Stars ? BFN on July 2009 cycle, waiting to cycle using frozen eggs
svp1537 ? chose donor!! Donor should get AF on 4/24 so can do day 3 testing.
Looking into options
Hoodlum90 ? considering DE after 3 failed IVFs, possibly using sister?s eggs
Hoping4more ? hoping to have sister provide eggs and be a carrier for her
ked1068 ? pursuing adoption!!!
Mel0569 ? participated in Egg Freezing program ? BFN, hoping to cycle again in the Spring
Mgoodr1 ? hoping to use friend as a surrogate due to health issues
Oct14 ? DE IVF #1 = cp, DE FET = BFN, looking into a consult with CCRM
Pseudonim ? looking into being a surrogate for her SIL and BIL
RFBsbride ? BFN on 1st attempt, BFN on FET, might be moving on with donor embryos
Scatterbrainliz ? possibly moving onto adoption instead
*~*~*Graduates*~*~*
Arb212 ? BFP on 1st attempt (boy/girl twins)!!!! Babies born on 2/9/10!
Ashley ? BFP w/gestational carrier ? baby girl. 2nd Trimester!
AXLbaby ? BFP on 1st attempt (baby girl)!!! Due on 12/10/09.
Cat2 ? BFP on 1st attempt with donor (singleton)!
BRSAugust20 ? BFP (singleton) due 8/2/10, 3rd trimester
Dansbride06 ? BFP (baby boy)!!! Tanner is here!
Epphd ? BFP (baby boy)!!! Nubbin is here!!!
Floridakat (own eggs) ? twins! 2nd trimester
Futuremom2b ? BFP (twin girls)!!! Born on 11/27/09!!!!
GymDogFran ? (frozen egg program), twins! 1st trimester
HopeCounts ? BFP on FET (singleton)!! 1st trimester
Jenn-N-Jay ? BFP (singleton)!! 1st trimester
jmn69 ? cancelled FET cycle, may try again in spring, already has twins from DE!
Juliannat ? BFP ? 1st ultrasound on 5/25/10
KoCoLoCo ? BFP w/gestational carrier (1st attempt) ?boy/girl twins born August 2009!!!
LBR_NJ ? BFP (girl)!!! Alana arrived on 12/9/09.
MarriedaSportsNut ? BFP! (singleton) 1st trimester
Re: *~*~*~* DE / GC check-in *~*~*~*
Update: DH and I started registering this past weekend (took advantage of the horrible weather). We aren't having a shower but our family has already started asking my mom where are we registered. I figure a few weeks before my due date, my mom and I will run out to get the essentials (diapers, sleepers, etc.) to get us through the first couple of weeks. Thankfully I did most of the research before hand otherwise I probably would have been too overwhelmed to pick anything out!
Thanks B! And I meant to respond to your message yesterday, but my day was crazy!!! Good crazy, though, bc I heard back on my cycle!
I started bcp's yesterday and am starting Lupron on the 26th and my last pill is the 28th... the donor will be very similar and should be starting stims around June 5th with retrieval around June 17th and transfer 3-5 days later!!!
This is happening
Yeah!!!
I'm riddled with anxiety over miscarrying. I'm just so focused on it that I can't move on. I drive myself crazy. I would be so devastated if I miscarried that I would rather avoid the entire process. I might be giving up the dream of experiencing pregnancy but when it comes down to it, I'll love an adopted child just the same. Bottom line is we want a child and I think adoption maybe the answer.
SVP - I'm so happy things are falling into place!
DX: Premature ovarian failure
::::SAIFW::::: People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute. - Rebecca West
WE'VE BEEN MATCHED WITH A SWEET LITTLE BOY!! -4/5/11
Update: On bcp and will do hail mary IVF with own eggs in June. Trying the mdl protocol this time.
QOTW: As I am starting to research potential donors, I am curious what qualities others felt were most important when choosing their donor.
Liz - you have to do what you feel comfortable with. If you feel adoption is your path, then it probably is!
Holly - everyone will have different answers to how they chose their donor. For me, our top priorities were proven donor (donated before so I knew she knew the ins and outs of stimming and didn't flake on appointments, and preferably with proven pregnancy), family health history, and availability.
We initially waited for a donor we liked and then she decided she didn't want to donate again. We then went through two other donors before cycling (first got pregnant, second failed a genetic screen even though she donated at other clinics before, and our ultimate donor).
There weren't many donors who resembled me and since we are in the "tell" camp and told immediate family when we made the decision to pursue DE, I didn't have to worry about looks as much. Some people rely on collegiate scores or if they are athletic or musically inclined. DH and I had lots of discussion regarding what we thought was influenced by nature versus nurture and made our priorities that way.
Thank YOU so much! Seriously. Honestly. You have been such a great, huge, gigantic help with calming my nerves, fears, etc... and then yesterday when I spoke to the nurse, it just reaffirmed everything you said.
Thanks scatterbrainliz... good luck to you too!
To answer your question hollymichael, here are the things that were important to us: we are both blonde and blue, so it was necessary for the donor to have blue eyes and blonde or light brown hair. My dh is short and EVERYONE in his family is short, and I am normal height- you've met me- so we wanted a donor who was at least my height, or maybe a little taller... she's 5'10", and while that is way taller than we wanted, I have an uncle that is over 6 feet, and my brothers are 5"10-5"11... so, I think we are safe.
My RE requires we select a proven donor and then he has to approve her previous cycles and outcomes. For example, I chose a donor who was the spitting image of me, except she was a smidge shorter. I reserved her and the agency sent all of her history over to my RE. She had donated 3 times prior, good stimulation, and while she did not have any pregancies result from fresh cycles, she did from 2 of the frozens. He denied her and said he would hate to make me her fourth unsuccessful recipient.
Personal family history was also important to me, bc we are not sure if we are telling or not telling. As of now, my parents and a few girls on the IF board that I know IRL, are the ONLY ones who know we are doing DE. I didn't want to select someone who had lung cancer in her family or something that could not be tied to my family's medical history.
Let me know if you have any questions... I am still early in the process, even though we are moving quickly, and would love to answer any questions you might have.
Oh my gosh, it gave me tummy flutters to see my name up there waiting to cycle again!!!
Holly - as PP said, it will be different for everyone. Our clinic has two categories - must haves and nice to haves. Honestly, the only thing we put in our must have category is that we wanted a caucasian donor. As we thought about other things, nothing was an ABSOLUTE for us. In our nice to have, we requested someone of eastern european descent, because that's what I am. We also requested someone without diabetes in her family, since it's prevalent in my husband's family. Those were the only things we asked for. Physical appearance was not important to us.
Status Update - Not much to report. I'm anxiously awaiting my 2nd ultrasound on Thursday. I thought this one would be a little less stressful, but I'm just as scared as I was for the first one.
Hollymichael -When we went to look for our donor, looks really weren't as important to us as her medical history and that of her immediate family. I also insisted on using a repeat donor. That helped me narrow down the pool a lot and then I started focusing more on personality and physical characteristics.
I need to be added to this check-in, please!!!
I did a frozen donor egg cycle in April. Got my BFP last week: Beta #1 5/07 was 360, beta #2 5/11 was 1915.... go in next tuesday for last beta and first u/s on May 25th.
I always look forward to these threads to see how everyone is doing.
My update: Had my 10-week ultrasound today. The baby is measuring right on track--everything looks great!. It was my DH's first time at an ultrasound and I think he's still in disbelief :-) I have my first OB appt. this Friday and we are going to wait to tell family/friends until after our NT scan.
Holly--to answer your question about how we chose a donor: My husband basically let me pick. Though I tend to be a systematic person, my process was pretty organic and was heavily influenced by the availability of donors. Our RE has a pretty big donor pool (or so it seems), but a lot of my first picks were already matched. I then focused on eye color, body type, proven history, and the bio and personal statement. I love the donor we picked--her statement sounds like something I would have written, and she was a really cute baby. I think she has more resemblance to my husband than to me, but our builds are similar and she has blue eyes like me and my DH.
One other thing: Our donor had a clean health history & was proven 4x, but she never had any frozens (my coordinator said only 40% of donor cycles have frozens). I was really hoping to be the exception, but I picked her knowing the odds weren't good of having siblings. I have no regrets, but it's something to consider even if you pick a proven donor.
Thanks to everyone for posting here - it makes me feel so good to have this community to share this journey with.
Update: Thanks for your congratulations on our Shared Help acceptance. I'm so thankful that a program like that exists. My mock cycle went fine, and now I'm just waiting for the dr. to approve us for the Shared Risk program (lots of different programs!). I'm starting to get excited/anxious to get started with everything!
hollymichael: Best wishes as you move forward with your next cycle! Some insights for if you do end up going the DE route at some point... I have only looked at a preliminary list of donors since we aren't quite ready to really choose one. It was a surreal experience at first, but I got more comfortable with it. We are pretty open about DE and plan to tell our child(ren), so we are not too concerned with blood type, etc. where it may be more obvious that we are not genetically related. I am kind of an academic type, so education is pretty important to me. I also notice myself looking a lot at the personal statements, personality characteristics and some just "feel" more like me than others. I am not too concerned about physical appearance but would like someone who resembles me at least somewhat. I am a little focused on height since my DH isn't too tall and I don't want to unnecessarily weigh us too much on that side. Otherwise, I'm really looking at medical history and issues related to egg production like donation history, age, etc. Since we will hopefully be in a Shared Risk program, I feel like I have a little more flexibility in that regard since if for some reason our first cycle is not successful, we will be able to pursue an FET or another fresh cycle for a relatively small amount of further cost.
Hope everyone has a good week!
IVF#1 Oct 2009 (CCRM) - BFN
IVF#2 March 2010 - Poor response/cancelled
DE IVF#1 Aug 2010 - BFN
DE IVF#2 Dec 2010 - Transferred 1, 2 frozen - BFP!
TTC#2 FET Jan 2013 - Transferred 1 - BFP!
Sorry I'm a bit late! Today we had our first OB appointment. I really like this new practice! We saw the babies again and they are measuring fine, moving a lot, and have good heartbeats. YAY!
To answer the question, we were looking for someone who resembled me (hair, eyes, height), and had a few basic characteristics like college degree, good grades, decent SAT. We also preferred a science/math background just because that's more like both DH and I. That's about it! Because we used a frozen donor bank our selection was somewhat limited, but we were able to find those general characteristics. I really didn't want to get too specific and take a lot of time selecting because I knew I would obsess. To me, if you are doing DE, then you have to give up control, and I knew I couldn't do that if I had a thousand profiles to pick from. I would try to 'micro-manage' my child's characteristics, and we all know that just because you choose a list of traits doesn't mean your child will have those! Most of it will be up to us, or at least that is what I believe.
I actually had a woman from another online community write and ask me if I knew of any MENSA donors because she was looking for a very specific, super-smart type of donor. I knew when I got that email, that I had made the right decision to moderate my requirements and limit my pool of choices. I don't think I would be pregnant right now if I had let myself go down that path!